Misc72

I hope i t's o.k that I still post for help because I'm still confused about never drinking again or at least for today. So I'm hearing all the horrible rock bottom stories where folks have DTs, hospital stays, mental disorders, masking pain, etc....

I'm not the drinker that drinks every day, or for more than a night out. don't binge for days. I don't drink because I'm sad or I have problems. I've worked through my troublesome childhood with 3 years of therapy. I have a successful business, healthy child and happy marriage.

More times than not the drinking stops at a certain point before I get 'drunk'. BUT when I get 'drunk' I always end of puking and having a hell hangover. Although I drink for fun and because I'm happy coming down isn't fun or happy. And when drunk make dumb decisions.

So my AV keeps saying that well it's not so mad and your admitting that you can't get drunk so just drink but don't get drunk. So I find myself wondering if I belong on SR? BUT the problem is I NEVER intend to get drunk but I do. And I like the journey to the buzz but not the final destination.

Am I over-reacting to my drinking? Should I be here? I came here because when I choose to stop drinking this place helps and I really do learn to live without alcohol.

Then I think well we are all going to die anyway... Might as well have fun on the way... then I think well the hangover isn't fun, disappointing my son isn't fun, drunk me is dumb.

'Sigh'

HOWEVER 34 days AF!

Just looking for some encouragement before my AV talks me into drinking again...!!

Anna

One thing I know for sure is that alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse over time unless you stop drinking. You commented that we might as well have some fun as we're all going to die anyways. This is true of course, but there are so many ways to have fun other than drinking. One of the gifts of my recovery is that I have found so many ways to be happy since I stopped drinking.

Congratulations on 34 days of sobriety! I hope you decide to continue.

entropy1964

Well, I don't know what kind of alcoholic you are, but your posts seems to be you rationalizing what kind of alcoholic you aren't. Comparisons, judgments? I see them as 'yets'.

You probably wouldn't be here if you weren't concerned. You say, drink but don't get drunk. Yet you can't 'control' that. Your son is hurt by your drinking. You are dumb when you drink. So I guess you could conclude that you are an alcoholic who behaves stupidly, hurts the ones you love and is powerless to control your intake. Sounds like a garden variety alcoholic to me.

Congrats on 34 days! Keep it up.

Hevyn

Hi sunshine.

I once drank the way you are. Long ago it was all fun - a way to celebrate. Then I began to use it to cope with problems. My drinking increased - it was no longer just on weekends. I was making stupid decisions, putting myself in danger. Like you, drunk me was dumb. Also self-destructive. I couldn't imagine stopping all together so I tried to use willpower to manage it. Over the years I grew dependent on it. In the end, I was drinking all day with my life in shambles. I never dreamed I'd let that happen. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together. It feels so good to be free of it.

I'm glad you're here with us. I wish I'd reached out for some help when I first saw the danger signs. Congrats on your 34 days! Be proud of that.

Ironhorse1

I think the danger of an online forum like this is that it is easy to compare your drinking habits to other people's, and use that as a way to justify your own drinking.

I would suggest that if drinking has started to have a negative impact on your life, it would be wise to consider removing it from your life. Whether you want to classify yourself as an "alcoholic" or not really doesn't matter. As others have said, alcoholism is progressive and most people don't realize that until things get a lot worse. I would guess that most people on this site didn't start drinking excessively right from the start. For myself, it slowly crept up on me, and at a certain point it consumed me.

Has your life been better or worse the last 34 days?

Misc72

Love the "YETS" I learned of that in last weeks SMART meeting. Good way to look at it for sure. Thank you.

Misc72

My life has been confusing and intense because stopping drinking is hard because it's a part of my social life, etc... But the best thing about it is that I always know that my plans won't include drinking and that makes everything easier. It's just a tough place in the beginning 'again'.

Delilah1

Hi Sunflower,

I think we all found ourselves on this forum because we questioned our use of alcohol or drugs.

I never had a rock bottom, nothing horrible happened because of my drinking, but it was definitely affecting my life in every facet.

I have been sober for just over ten months and I have been more present with my kids, my job, my husband, and everyday activities.

Have you noticed a difference in the past 34 days?

Whatever your reason was for finding SR, glad you are here.

Maudcat

Congrats on 34 days, Sunshine. Keep it going. I felt for many years that drinking was manageable for me. It was...til it wasn't. I mourned a lot that I couldn't drink anymore. Maybe you are mourning, too? Peace.

Misc72

There is no denying I have a problem with alcohol. This is the stupid thinking that talked me into drinking again after 18 months sober. Well it's been a year of active drinking and I can't recall anything that is worth mentioning. Except a pool party, other than that it was no fun because I was constantly monitoring myself, then letting myself down when I overdid it, then dealing with the consequences of bad choices, hangovers oh the AWEFUL hangovers. I think God blessed me with hangovers, because I must say that is a real strong factor why I'm doing this. My denial sets in, my rationalizing sets in, my remorse for alcohol sets in. But then I play the tape forward. Even though every time wasn't a drunk, I don't like it when I get to that point. I need to work on acceptance that I don't drink anymore and deal with it. I need to stop romanticizing over it. It's so easy to pick up that 1st drink. And it's oh so hard to put it down after that.

Oct2016

I'm 34 days too. I'm going through much of the same feelings. Not feeling amazingly better. Some things yes, but also aggravation and I guess what one person called it "mourning over the loss of alcohol." I am holding onto the hope I feel all this peace and serenity that people speak of once I have more time.

EndGameNYC

I don't know whether or not it's stupid, but it is above all else your thinking.

Nearly three years here going back and forth with booze and a half-hearted argument that you may be "overreacting" to your drinking, with no lasting relief. That's a problem.

sugarbear1

Maybe you aren't suffering from alcoholism and maybe you aren't an alcoholic, but it's certainly true that alcohol gives you a problem. Don't drink and you won't have a problem. If you can't stay stopped, maybe there is a problem that you just haven't uncovered, yet and maybe therapy would help?

tomsteve

I used to compare my drinking to others to determine how bad I was. the problem was I was comparing the drinking and not the thinking.

when I looked at the thinking I saw just how much Im like alcoholics at every stage of alcoholism.

Dee74

Some great advice here already. We go back a fair way Sunshine - I don't think it's an accident you're here on SR and for what it's worth I don't think you're overreacting.

Go back and read some of you old posts. Go right back - that always gives me perspective.

One of the best things about getting sober for me was finding out how much more I could be and how much more I could do sober.

I'd hate for you to miss out on that chance too

D

doggonecarl

I don't know what kind of alcoholic you are, but this is the kind of alcoholic you need to become:

Misc72

Thank you Dee... I know the beautiful side of sober. That is the insanity of why this is still even an issue for me. You are right I need to go right back to that drunken night over 3 years ago and remember that main reason I had to stop. I just try to say, well that was an isolated incident. Or that other black out or this or that was all an isolated incident. Well it's a very bad way to justify keeping alc in my life. I think since the funeral the other day I'm just sad and feeling that drinking urge. Thank you always for your insight.

jojo82

I love alcoholics

Misc72

ME too, my mother, father, sister, brother, grandma, uncles, cousins... I guess alcoholics are my family and I love them. But I don't want to be one... but it didn't miss me did it?

Truthbetold76

I don't know what kind of alcoholic I am either...but I do know that alcohol brings nothing but chaos and destruction when I do drink. And that's enough for me to know.