jonbald

My son is not well at all. He's starting with a new therapist, but his job at Macys was a joke and he needs to find a new one. He gets maybe 6 hours a week work.

I am in touch by Email with his new counselor to monitor his progress. But at home, he sleeps all day except to eat, smoke, poop and often go to the game store at night. We had two talks with him about our situation and that the time is coming for him to move out. Right now he doesn't seek us out to talk, he avoids us and sleeps all day. He's almost quit posting to Facebook. He has no money to his name and he's not actively looking for work other than a few computer apps he did two weeks ago. He's run out of Adderall and is going to go through some rough days. It is a very sad situation.

I've begun working with an online Families Anonymous program. This is similar to Alanon but is specifically geared toward parents of addicts. I have gotten a male sponsor and am starting work on Step one of the 12 steps for my own sanity. This program focuses on us and our own recovery from the family disease of alcoholism. It teaches us we cannot fix anyone, all we can do is love them. Often, our "helping" is not really helping anything but is hindering their growth. I have a workbook and everything.

I am looking for an addictions counselor for me to see. My FA sponsor is not experienced in the mental illness part of our situation. He can only help with the addiction side. So I'm getting professional help before booting my son to the street. While it feels like I'm delaying the inevitable, I have to at least know I've done all I can regarding both aspects of his illness. I'm satisfied with what's been done on the alcoholism side. He got fired by his long-time AA sponsor because "He knows more than anyone else. He doesn't want help." He has quit AA because "It doesn't address my particular set of problems. I'm not really getting anything out of it anymore." Of course, I know he wasn't really trying hard to work the program. He was just going to a lot of meetings and sitting there. That's all. But we and others have done all we can to help with that side of the problem. There's nothing else anyone but he himself can do about it.

So, we've done all we can on the addictions side and are working on the mental illness side right now. When we get to the point of feeling that his alcoholism is as dangerous to him as his mental illness, then I guess it's time for him to go. To the best of my knowledge, he isn't drinking right now and hasn't since his last rehab. I could smell it on him if he were and I have a breathalyzer. But, he's just miserable. It as if he has mostly just quit living.

I'd hate to kick him to the curb without first exhausting any possible avenues of help, and right now we're hoping this new therapist and case worker can help. Also, hopefully, his psychiatrist will help (Although he did use poor judgment in prescribing Adderall to an alcoholic)

dandylion

jonbald.....it seems that there is much more awareness of dual diagnosis than there was in previous years. The whole person needs to be treated.....
I am glad to hear that you are getting help from more than one source...and, that you are getting help for yourself, as well...that is soo important.

It sounds like you have been "busy"...is your wife joining you in getting this same kind of help?