CajunPrincess

I'm on day 82.
I've had a lot of things hit me at once in the month of October, and I feel it's caused my sobriety to get pretty shaky. I know this sounds silly, but it just feels like too much pain and emotions to deal with by myself. I feel like I can only handle so much and that I'm reaching a breaking point.

I see a counselor once a week. I take care of myself. I run to lots of healthy coping mechanisms. I cry, but I can only cry so much. This inner turmoil inside keeps growing and growing and I just don't know how to release it. I just wish I could escape it, even if just for a few hours.
I fear that I will relapse within the next few days.

Gilmer

Don't do it.

You know that drinking won't remove any problems; if anything, it will compound them. Plus, afterward, when you see that it didn't do you any good, you'll feel rotten for breaking your sobriety.
Also, it just may not work as "promised." I tried to get that feeling of happy suspension a couple of times after I got overwhelmed: the feeling I was hoping for never materialized.

I got muddy headed and draggy--but not relaxed and relieved. I felt ripped off.

Then I was trapped continuing to drink. You may not have the luxury of picking it up and putting it right back down again.

Don't bother. It's just begging for trouble.

I hope things lift for you soon.

keeppushing

Dear CajunPrincess, I really feel for you. I think we have all been there and I certainly know that pain.

I have learnt the hard way that alcohol is not an escape. It simply numbs me. That might sound good in the midst of an emotional crisis, but think of it a different way: If your house was on fire, would you want to be numb?

Life can suck pretty hard sometimes, it really can. All I can do is tell you that I hope you find the courage to walk through it sober.

This too shall pass.

Dee74

Like Gilmer says drinking is not going to solve any of those problems or make you stronger in any way...it could be a slippery slope to even worse problems tho...

I had no coping skills when I quit...and Life threw me some pretty heavy stuff on those first few weeks.

I made it through tho...I'd committed myself to finding new answers to my old problem and not drinking. I knew where that road led., I wanted to try another way.

It was tough but it got easier every time I got through something sober.

If I can do this you can too CajunPrincess - I have faith in you

D

FreeOwl

Don't fear relapse.

Take action to avoid it.

Relapse is a choice when we see it coming....

Do nothing: choose relapse.

Take action: remain sober.

If you're feeling this way maybe your counselor isn't enough. Maybe try AA. Get out and run every day. Sign up for a painting class. Read the big book. Make an appointment to meet a friend for coffee every day. Reconnect with family or old friends. Journal. Go to the gym. Meditate.

Relapse doesn't just 'happen'. We make a choice- or a series of non-choices - that lead us back to the choice to drink again.

Your own voice is saying 'I can see that I am in the process of working on choosing to drink again'.

Make another choice.

Follow it up with action.

Raeven

I'm sorry you are hurting. Journaling is working for me, it helps me let go of what I'm stressing about. It isn't gone, I've written it down and can come back to it, but it gets it out at the moment and, for me, that is a big help.

Positive Energies your way!

MidnightRider

Sorry you are going through all this Cajun Princess.

82 days is awesome. Please don't drink .... As others have said, it will not help. Play the tape forward and you will see.. I slipped and was miserable and depressed in a matter of days. Then I had to fight to get sober. It took a month. Man... I don't want to go there again.

Hope you have a better day today!

january161992

these are the choices/ actions of a person who is demonstrating a willingness to stay sober!

and youre asking for help which is great

give yourself a nice pat on the back

dont drink today





oh yea

82 DAYS IS AWESOME !!!

bexxed

CP it's all up to you.'YOU.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and please please know I'm saying this with love, and that I hope to hell you'd say the same to me: this is not you fearing a relapse. This is you planning one.

The changes suck and you've had some crappy life changes, but you can get past them and you can move on. You can't move on if you pick up again. You're right back where you were.

I'm glad you're reaching out. I know you can do this. And somewhere in there YOU also know you can do this, and your addict must know too because it's starting to rage.

Remember one day at a time, and one hour at a time if you need to.

xoxoxoxo

B

madgirl

I had a really tough time too around 90 - 100 days but I remember a distinct shift right after that - pleeeeease have faith in what I am telling you and stand firm in your decision.

I promise it gets better!!!! When I remember how sick I was and how terrible I felt it blows my mind - there is no comparison as to how much better I feel now.

Please say "no matter what happens I will not drink" and do what you have to do to make that happen.

D122y

Cajun,

I joined SR at 80 days.....why?

Because i thought i was going nuts.

Look for moments of serenity each day.

They get longer and longer...and more frequent.

Thanks.

soberlicious

I'm sorry to tell you this, but you cannot escape it. If you drink to suspend reality for a few hours, it is still there. It will always be there, sometimes smooth sailing, other times tragedy to the point we think we simply cannot make it through. It is that way for all of us...it's the human condition.

Drinking means that you can shut off for a time, but you must keep drinking in order to do that. In doing that, you'll create another layer of difficulty and tragedy on top of what life will undoubtedly bring on it's own.

Drinking makes the hard times of life harder, not easier.

Robert Frost said, "The best way out is always through". You can sideskirt problems, avoid them, hide from them...no matter though, they will always be there until you go through them. Through is the way out.

Fighting your way through the tough times is never easy or fun, but nothing worth having is ever easy. Living free of addiction is worth having. Fight for it.

Delizadee

How you doing today, Cajunprincess?

Instead of thinking about drinking, how about a redirect?

Instead of drinking I will:

- do some sprint runs
- punch a pillow then smother my face with it and scream as loud as I can
- go to a batting cage or driving range (weather permitting)
- scribble angry in a journal
- scribble angry on paper, scrunch it up and throw it around as hard as you can
- do as many pushups as you can (I really like this one, worked for me)
- go to the gym and find a punching bag and punch the hell out of it
- angrily rake the yard
- angrily clean the house
- watch youtube videos of other angry people and laugh at them
- watch something funny
- watch action flick
- chug some water
- play catch with someone
- play dodge ball
- watch bat dad vines. lol

My October has been pretty crappy too. But I think what's best is to get out there and talk to some people face to face, hit up some meetings, immerse yourself in literature. As I've said before if you know you're on the road to relapse (like bexxed said, the decision to relapse happens long before we take the first drink) now is the time to up your game.

I think a lot of us have a tendency to withdraw and isolate as our subconscious is working us towards relapse. I would walk through the discomfort and force yourself to do everything you can now to reinforce your sobriety.
That is one thing you should be PROUD of and draw upon, and not only that but you are a strong, caring, beautiful person. You CAN do this.

Also, where are beyond the self-care, as to things you do that enjoy and make you happy, peaceful or excited? Any hobbies you have? If you're having trouble thinking of things go back to your younger years and think of what made you feel a little magic and see if you can draw upon that for inspiration.

Hang in there! I am walking beside. I understand very much how you feel.
Take care hun. If you can't hold your head up right now, just go lay down and rest. Do something to take your mind off things. We will get through this.