kelee877

Two in one...

My Widower boy friend and I have been dating for 6 months. I have just learned that he is an closest alcoholic and I am a recovering alcoholic in my 10th year of sobriety(no relapses)

We meet at my work I was a cook at a small town restaurant.

He asked me for my phone number one night and my first reaction was "NO". Then I talked to co-workers about him and found out that he had been recerntly widowed and really Heck "NO"..but my co-workers supported him, that he was nice guy always friendly and on and on. So I decided to take a chance and gave him my number the next night. He is 65 and I am 53, Bit a of an age difference.

At first we dated,but he knew that I had to find a place by Sept 1st, my accommodations were ending were I was staying. He never did invite me to live with him, did so in a round about way.


So I head to the widower side, when I moved in all of his LW stuff was still in the closest the drawers everywhere..I had to ask and ask and ask that her stuff be removed(mostly this stuff was cleaned out by me)..he hired a couple of relatives to come do the clothes..

Anyways he told me many times that he drank before he meet me,but he had really cut back, and then he told me he had stopped. That I was worth it...I knew it was a lie, but tried not to see the obvious. He is a transport truck driver and drooned on and on about how others drinking and losing license and he would never do that.

The times I smelt beer or rum on his breath, the rum he said it was his tobacco chew the flavour it had, the beer oh I had one just because it was hot outside.

Last week I was in town shopping and doing the laundry, he called said he was in the same town with big truck and had to wait for windsheild repair guy..on the phone I said I was heading to store to get a few things. I changed my mind thought would be nice to get hug and kiss from him mid day. So I found the big truck and pulled up, no boyfriend??? Not in truck nothing else around..wasn't until he walked out of beer store(only store on that street) and he was carrying a 12 pack. I had suspisions that he was drinking while he was in the big truck(parked up the street from the house) then he drives the car home about 2 city blocks)


I have been enabling his grieving for his LW, now I have the double whammy of my boy friend is a closest alcoholic. Yesterday he was home early from work and we sat and watched some tv, then he decides to work on some stuff, as he is going back and forth from house to garage, I noticed the changes and could start to smell the rum on him. I found the secret stash and took pictures of how much was in there. He also uses the excuse he does not want to drink in front of me and trigger me to start me drinking. What hurts most is I have no idea he has been drinking and go to give him a kiss or hug and he pulls back on me.

I have pulled out my recovery books and started reading. I put my foot down with him this morning.

I told him alcoholics do not crave the booe or the flavour, we crave the buzz, the drowning our sorrows and problems in a bottle..I have suffered so much in my 10 years of sobriety, I lost a son to sucide in my first year, my second son stole my 65 thousand dollar house from me, my third son is an addicted computer geek(lives with said brother that took house) and then my daughter who I was very close to she is 18 and this new boy friend caused a big fight between her and I and now she does not talk to me.

I am laid off of work right now and have very little money(waiting for ei) if I had the funds I have half the mind to just leave..

Serenity Prayer

kelee877

Came back to add I am suspecting drinking at least 2-3 times a week

LexieCat

Hi, and welcome. Well, you've only been dating this guy for six months, and it sounds like living together was mainly a convenience for you. Suppose he hadn't been in the picture at that moment--where would you have gone to live? Do you have a friend you could stay with temporarily until your benefits come through?

I'm not sure what the point was of taking pictures of his "stash"--as an alcoholic, yourself, you must know that he will quit drinking when he's good and ready, and no sooner. It doesn't sound, just based on your post, like you have a deep emotional attachment. It sounds more like you kind of fell into this living arrangement, have a certain amount of affection/attraction to him, but now wish you were somewhere else. I'd suggest working on making that happen.

Mountainmanbob

Although I was guilty of that so many times myself (when I was younger) in the long run it usually never works out.

At times we get ourselves stuck in a trap.

M-Bob

atalose

I agree with Lexie it’s ONLY been 6 months with this guy and you are just not happy so why stay involved. Sounds like you lost so much already (18 year old daughter) because of your involvement with him and now you are losing half your mind and jeopardizing your sobriety.

So many red flags were flying YET you moved ahead, so you attend AA?

AlwaysGrowing

kelee

Little pain now or LOTS of pain later. Either way its coming to your life with this guy. As a widower myself, there is lot of pain that needs to be felt not hidden or suppressed. Sounds like all that pain is still with him.... He will never truly be able to love without that grieving IMO.

AG

Maudcat

He doesn't sound very happy, nor do you. Maybe it's time to make other arrangements.