Littlemess25

I really appreciate all the kind words and support. Its really helpful for me to come here and vent and hear from women who have been in the same predicament.

Truthfully he does have a conscience. He does love his daughter. And to some extent he does love me as well. The only reason I know he's relapsing is because he tells me. He doesn't have to tell me, but he does. He always has come clean with the truth with me regarding everything. Now, he is also an addict so the length of the truth is different. He will tell me he's relapsed but the type of drug I never truly know. He tells me it's coke, but he used to be bad into heroin and with the fentanyl so popular in the area, it truly scares me to death. I'm sure he relapsed, why would he lie about that? But is it honestly that believable it was with coke....not really.

He relapsed again FRIDAY :'( Yes, this past Friday. My heart is literally swallowed by my gut. Not only is he an addict, but he also uses needles. So not only am I fearful of a fentanyl overdose, other things I worry about as well such as 'cotton fever'

His sobriety last's about 10 days-14 days and he's back at it again.
He has agreed obviously that our daughter can no longer be alone with him. He cannot show up if he's high, and he actually sent more money than we agreed to last week. Is he sending more money out of guilt? I couldn't tell you. I guess its better than nothing though, right?

Again, he says 'im scared and I need help' he comes up with all these 'plans' and were right back on the rodeo. This time, I didn't feed into it with badgering rants of 'what is wrong with you' or tough love and little lectures about how he's let me down and yada yada.

I sent a message back telling him that he will die from this. That the result is simply just that, he will die to drugs. But he doesn't have to. He can take back control and get professional help and he can fight this. But what he chooses to do is 100% up to him. I have no power to make the choice for him. That my job is to keep our daughter safe, and that is my choice.
That's exactly what I said and I didn't say anything else. Typically, I hover, I berate, I rant, I blow up, go off the deep end (so excuse my ranting in here, I know this is a long message but ITS KILLING ME INSIDE)

I just can feel death around the corner, and there is truly nothing I can do to stop him from using. If he wants to use, he will, if he wants to stop, he will. That ball is not in my court and its the most powerless feeling ever. Beyond the rage, the betrayal, the abandonment I still love him as a person and seeing him like this is so frustrating. Watching him go down farther and farther, with a sprout of energy to get better, and relapse again. I am getting better with him in my codependency and ranting, but his sobriety is not getting better.

Truly I am not looking to hear about how I should go to court. I just could really use some love and light and prayers sent.

All I can do is pray :'(

zoso77

It's a helpless feeling...watching somebody we love go down a path that leads to only one place. Accepting the fact that there's nothing we can do is one of the hardest things, if not THE hardest thing, we do.

If you spend enough time here, you'll learn how our members have dealt with situations like yours. And my hope is you are able to differentiate that your well being is not a function of his. You will be able to recover from this, in time. Your life will not be the same, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. So just do what you need to do to keep your head above water, a moment at a time...

atalose

It is horrible and frustrating to watch the ones we love float away into their addiction. It’s like we are standing on the beach throwing life preserver after preserver to them and they chose to float then grab on.

One of the best pieces of advice I got was on here in that we don’t have to choose to have a front row seat to their madness. We can pray for them from a distance. The phone calls, the stop overs and all that quacking talk keeps us in that front row.

I pray for strength for you!

ladyscribbler

My ex was a binge drinker. I used to think of that time between binges as "sobriety," but it's really not. It's just the time in between binges. Hugs to you and your daughter. It's hard having an innocent child caught in the middle of everything. Right now the best thing you can do is work on you codependency. Of everything, working my own recovery in Al Anon was the most productive thing I did throughout the whole craziness with my ex.