Bachelor party!! Help!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 11
Bachelor party!! Help!!
I have been trying to get my drinking under control for the past 3 years. I tried over and over again to reduce my drinking. To drink a normal amount and in acceptable situations. I tried to control myself. I know alcoholism is a disease and it isn't strictly a matter of willpower. But I refused for a long time to believe that applied to me. I have finally come to accept that I am an alcoholic. I have finally started trying to quit. I keep slipping up, but I stay sober longer everytime. I'm willing to call that progress.
But I'm getting married and my bachelor party is today and I think it's going to mess things up pretty badly. The past few times I have relapsed it has been fairly small, like 1 drink and then I feel bad because I'm finally getting better and I don't want to ruin it. I had a drink yesterday. But I stopped, even though I really didn't want to, I stopped. 6 months ago I would have had one taste and kept going until I was blackout drunk, but yesterday I caught my slip and I stopped.
My friends are going to want to get super drunk and I don't know what to do.
I am afraid that if I actually get drunk I am going to have a real relapse not just a little slip up. And then I will be back to killing a case of beer every 2 days and spiking my coffee for work, and waking up on my living room floor.
I am just starting to accept that I can't control it. I can either stop or continue, but if I continue to drink I will never be in control of it unless I quit completely. I am still not able to stay sober, but I'm working on it and I am finally starting to get on the right track.
Giving myself the out to drink with them today because it's a special occasion is probably a bad way to get on the road to recovery. But I want to so badly. To have it be like old times with my best friends. I know it's stupid.
I don't know what to do.
Sorry that was super long...
But I'm getting married and my bachelor party is today and I think it's going to mess things up pretty badly. The past few times I have relapsed it has been fairly small, like 1 drink and then I feel bad because I'm finally getting better and I don't want to ruin it. I had a drink yesterday. But I stopped, even though I really didn't want to, I stopped. 6 months ago I would have had one taste and kept going until I was blackout drunk, but yesterday I caught my slip and I stopped.
My friends are going to want to get super drunk and I don't know what to do.
I am afraid that if I actually get drunk I am going to have a real relapse not just a little slip up. And then I will be back to killing a case of beer every 2 days and spiking my coffee for work, and waking up on my living room floor.
I am just starting to accept that I can't control it. I can either stop or continue, but if I continue to drink I will never be in control of it unless I quit completely. I am still not able to stay sober, but I'm working on it and I am finally starting to get on the right track.
Giving myself the out to drink with them today because it's a special occasion is probably a bad way to get on the road to recovery. But I want to so badly. To have it be like old times with my best friends. I know it's stupid.
I don't know what to do.
Sorry that was super long...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
Hi MBunk - welcome 
wow this is an 11th hour post...but I think you know what to do.
Tell people you're not drinking. Don;t drink. Have a good time but stay sober.
Sure you may get some heat for that but it's better than drinking.
One thing I learned is it's the first drink that gets me - not the last one.
If you really want a new life, a new you, and to be the best partner you can be to your soon spouse, you really do know what to do
D
wow this is an 11th hour post...but I think you know what to do.
Tell people you're not drinking. Don;t drink. Have a good time but stay sober.
Sure you may get some heat for that but it's better than drinking.
One thing I learned is it's the first drink that gets me - not the last one.
If you really want a new life, a new you, and to be the best partner you can be to your soon spouse, you really do know what to do
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 1,536
Good on you for your decision to quit for good. I guess you know who normally ends up being the single most wasted person at bachelor parties.
The problem with "for old times sake" is that it means that you are in fact not completely committed to quitting. If so, why wait? Another problem is that no one can say when you will again work up the commitment to stop. It can be days, weeks, months or years later.
This might be a good opportunity to tell your friends you are quitting for good, and a great start to your marriage. Trust me, I'm in my early 40's and I wish I had quit when I was much younger.
The problem with "for old times sake" is that it means that you are in fact not completely committed to quitting. If so, why wait? Another problem is that no one can say when you will again work up the commitment to stop. It can be days, weeks, months or years later.
This might be a good opportunity to tell your friends you are quitting for good, and a great start to your marriage. Trust me, I'm in my early 40's and I wish I had quit when I was much younger.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
If you can't make sobriety a priority before you are married, how are you going to make it a priority when you get married?
Pop over to the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum and read about the devastation that alcoholism wroughts on a marriage.
Pop over to the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum and read about the devastation that alcoholism wroughts on a marriage.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
It reads like you're trying to control your drinking in the hopes to drink normally at some point. Most here found this exercise to be futile. For an alcoholic to not drink is truly remarkable. It starts with a decision.
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,760
Maybe a little mourning at the loss of drinking as you realize you can't anymore?
My bachelor party was an absolute blast, (20 years ago). Even thou I was an alcoholic back then, I didn't know any better. I made a decision to take it easy on the drinking, most due to the fear of could happen. Best decision ever, all my friends and family were there and to this day I remember every minute.
Consider what you'll be loosing if you drink. It's a once in a life time celebration. Be present.
My bachelor party was an absolute blast, (20 years ago). Even thou I was an alcoholic back then, I didn't know any better. I made a decision to take it easy on the drinking, most due to the fear of could happen. Best decision ever, all my friends and family were there and to this day I remember every minute.
Consider what you'll be loosing if you drink. It's a once in a life time celebration. Be present.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Originally Posted by Mbunk 
Giving myself the out to drink with them today because it's a special occasion is probably a bad way to get on the road to recovery. But I want to so badly. To have it be like old times with my best friends. I know it's stupid.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by RushTogether
If you are serious about your recovery, I would cancel the party. No question about it.
If you go through with this as described- as I expect you will - do you have one friend who can be a sober pal tonight? If these are your best friends, surely there is one who would be willing to be sober with you tonight.
It sounds like you know what you need to do but, ditto above, you aren't committed to it.
This makes me very worried for you. You are asking us for help just by coming here, and I hope there is someone (your fiancee??? best man? dad? anyone?) who can help you IRL, right now, this day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 11
So I did drink. 3 beers. I told them I didn't want to do anything crazy because I have a paper to write (I'm 25 but still barely half done with my bachelors). So they were willing to keep things fairly mellow we watched old horror movies at home instead of partying but I still didn't manage to get away with not drinking and I know it's stupid but I don't feel comfortable telling them about the drinking issue even though they're my best friends.
They offered me a beer. They had got a case of my favorite beer and I didn't know how to say know without having to tell them that I'm trying to quit because I am a drunk and so I basically froze. Then I just took the beer.
Of the 3 of them only 1 knows that I'm an alcoholic. The others have known me over 10 years, but they live out of state now and I guess I just don't want them to see how messed up I have become. It's easier to hide it from them since they are only here occasionally. Henry is here everyday he sees it. He doesn't like it of course, but he cant make the decision for me so he lets me do what I want and then he bugs me about it after to see if I'm ok.
got home super late and have been writing my paper (it wasn't a lie I really had a paper due). The wedding is this morning. I am hoping that the time away, on the honeymoon will be good for me it will get me back to like a week sober really easily since I won't be around anyone or anything that could tempt me.
They offered me a beer. They had got a case of my favorite beer and I didn't know how to say know without having to tell them that I'm trying to quit because I am a drunk and so I basically froze. Then I just took the beer.
Of the 3 of them only 1 knows that I'm an alcoholic. The others have known me over 10 years, but they live out of state now and I guess I just don't want them to see how messed up I have become. It's easier to hide it from them since they are only here occasionally. Henry is here everyday he sees it. He doesn't like it of course, but he cant make the decision for me so he lets me do what I want and then he bugs me about it after to see if I'm ok.
got home super late and have been writing my paper (it wasn't a lie I really had a paper due). The wedding is this morning. I am hoping that the time away, on the honeymoon will be good for me it will get me back to like a week sober really easily since I won't be around anyone or anything that could tempt me.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Mbunk
The wedding is this morning. I am hoping that the time away, on the honeymoon will be good for me it will get me back to like a week sober really easily since I won't be around anyone or anything that could tempt me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Good luck and congrats to you mbunk.
At the very least it's a good thing you didn't party it up too hard. Have you talked to your fiance about your plans to stay sober and your feelings around it?
Do you have a plan for the reception and honeymoon?
I hope your wedding goes great and you have a fantastic time
At the very least it's a good thing you didn't party it up too hard. Have you talked to your fiance about your plans to stay sober and your feelings around it?
Do you have a plan for the reception and honeymoon?
I hope your wedding goes great and you have a fantastic time
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