whatcouldbe

Its honesty time...honesty with myself and what i am doing to myself....honesty to this group i have been following thinking i could handle "my" drinking...
I drink to excess every time i pick up a drink. I have been drinking since i was a waitress at age 19....i am now 42...i dont drink every night but in the past three years when i do its increasingly more every time. Two nights ago i managed to drink a half bottle of wine and every leftover beer in my fridge (family party weekend prior). In the morning i then counted in my head and realized it was the half bottle and approximately 10 beers in a matter of less than 4 hours.....wowza! To write that...just **** wow...this is sad. I am in a bad place but i know it. I have known it. So much so, that last week i contacted for an assessment. Made the call, appointment, felt empowered, felt great about it. Then they called and told me they did not accept my insurance and it would cost 1500 out of pocket. Where my insurance does cover is 45 minutes away. With kids, no can do...so here i am. Trying it solo with just the aid of this...hoping and praying my resolve is better this time around. Your stories do make a differance...keep posting because there are many on the sidelines just trying to get the courage to put it in writing. I hope to be able to write 30 days sober, 28 days froms now...

SoberLifeForMe

Hi, whatcouldbe. I hope this is just the beginning of a life without alcohol for you. Hope to see you around here often.

CajunPrincess

I think it's a great thing you've decided to be honest with yourself about your drinking. Taking it one day at a time was crucial for me. In the beginning, being sober for a month sounded amazing, but it also terrified me. So I just stayed sober for each current day. Posted and read on here everyday. Changed my nightly routine (my main drinking time) And then I just kept adding more sober days.
Have you joined the October class?

RDBplus3

Treatment was just a 'suspension time' to get some forced separation. The REAL recovery work happens in real life ... for me. AA is the last place to end up. AA doesn't refer people out of AA to get Sober, but treatment centers have to refer people to ongoing 'treatment / recovery plans'.

I drank again when real life started back on me. I got Sober & FREE working the 12 Steps of AA in the midst of 'Life on Life's Terms'. Just go where the end game absolutely works, Especially when it is the Last Stop ... Desperation Time ... It is actually the beginning point of the BEST Life can Possibly Be - For Real.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I Know U can B 2

Hevyn

Whatcouldbe - I'm happy to see how determined you are to get free of it.
I drank like that too - in the end it was never fun or relaxing. It was a necessity, because I'd shake without it. What a horrible way to live. Glad you are here.

Anna

You can do this, and you will find lots of support here.

Dee74

Hi and welcome back whatcouldbe

It would be great if rehab was available to everyone but it's just not.
I never went to rehab, but I still got sober.

I was done with drinking, and I was not afraid to do whatever it took for me to stay sober

Have you considered face to face methods like AA (or SMART or lifering) at all?

D

PurpleKnight

You can do this Whatcouldbe!!

ImDoneNM

WBC Dont give up! Find an AA group near you. The only thing AA will cost you is a little time yet will give you all of your sobriety! I have been there many times and at this moment I find myself needing to go back. With much hope in 28 days you'll be at day 30 and I'll be at day 28!

Zebra1275

This website plus AA worked for me.

I've been sober several years now, and there was a time when I couldn't make it more than 3 or 4 days. You can do it!

whatcouldbe

Amazing advice. I am planning on aa, just thought an assessment might tell me more. Honestly i answer yes to 95% of every quiz i have taken so i do know that i have a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I do also know i am extremely proud of myself this evening. I had every opportunity and didnt. The world series is a fight for me, but i did it. I even cancelled plans to go to a halloween party tmrw. 27 days to go....gotta have a goal and going to meet it one day/hour/minute at a time. Thanks for the support. Today i will chalk up to a victory! Waking up tmrw sober is my true reward!