my mother the alkie
Earth Child
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Posts: 2,004
my mother the alkie
I find this time of year hard Abuse ...from friends of the family when i was young
my mother would go to the pub and leave us ( my sister and me ) with them for hours
I want to get drunk so i cant feel anymore
Drink will numb the pain but then i feel it again once i get sober
maybe i should never be sober again .
My sister drinks to make it ok she having a party so people can get drink in the house for her
she not am alkie but sometimes think she is
My mother was one my step dad would have to go to the pub and try and get her to come home ...but there where times when he gone to work and she was in the pub
she would have been in the pub all night
She let bad things happen she let us be abused and when my sister told her she says we are lairs and attention seekers
I have an AA meeting on Saturday i can go to my husband has somewhere to go while am there
I know i shouldnt be posting about this stuff i know i need help
But am too scared to face it just in case it was something we did wrong .
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hey Alex
I relate. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Abuse, neglect etc. my mom doesn't believe me either.
Counseling and the steps can help. An AA sponsor is not a counselor however so if you're digging up a lot of painful stuff, go to the counselor at the same time.
I've had to forgive my family/parents because hanging on to all the pain only hurts one person....me. I'm still a work in progress....my family triggers so much pain. But drinking the way I do causes as much or more pain. Maybe it still 'works' for you but it'll probably stop working. I have to face my demons sober. And forgiveness, of myself and my abusers, is the only way that I can see out.
Hang in there.
I relate. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Abuse, neglect etc. my mom doesn't believe me either.
Counseling and the steps can help. An AA sponsor is not a counselor however so if you're digging up a lot of painful stuff, go to the counselor at the same time.
I've had to forgive my family/parents because hanging on to all the pain only hurts one person....me. I'm still a work in progress....my family triggers so much pain. But drinking the way I do causes as much or more pain. Maybe it still 'works' for you but it'll probably stop working. I have to face my demons sober. And forgiveness, of myself and my abusers, is the only way that I can see out.
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
There is nothing that you "shouldn't be talking about". Talking about it lets you take some of it off your shoulders and helps you to allow someone to listen and to help you; the power of sharing can be profound.
Talk about it, read about it, type about it, yell about it, cry about it, do anything you want about it! Holding things inside can really poison and eat at us, we are here for you!
Talk about it, read about it, type about it, yell about it, cry about it, do anything you want about it! Holding things inside can really poison and eat at us, we are here for you!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
I'm sorry 
please don't drink- you're right, it will just push pause on the pain and it will be there again for you when the alcohol has worn off.
We're all here for you, this is a safe place. You can talk about it, and you will find you are not alone in that dark place of pain.
I definitely think that counseling would help you. Also, if you are going to AA and thinking of working the steps with a sponsor, and you like recovery literature, there is a great book called The Women's Way Through the Twelve Steps (I think) and I found it very helpful for me in terms of dealing with abuse issues in my life as I've started to poke at step work again. It speaks to me much more deeply than the big book does, in terms of the steps. Helped me to take away a bit of shame and anger a little at a time.
Hang in there!
please don't drink- you're right, it will just push pause on the pain and it will be there again for you when the alcohol has worn off. We're all here for you, this is a safe place. You can talk about it, and you will find you are not alone in that dark place of pain.
I definitely think that counseling would help you. Also, if you are going to AA and thinking of working the steps with a sponsor, and you like recovery literature, there is a great book called The Women's Way Through the Twelve Steps (I think) and I found it very helpful for me in terms of dealing with abuse issues in my life as I've started to poke at step work again. It speaks to me much more deeply than the big book does, in terms of the steps. Helped me to take away a bit of shame and anger a little at a time.
Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Bless you.
A book I found massively helpful in dealing with demons from the past was 'Rescuing the Inner Child' by Penny Parks (I bought it via Amazon for my Kindle, but there were paper copies as well, and in a way that might have been more useful). There are suggested activities (writing ones) in there which I didn't think would work but gave it a shot anyway, and have been amazed that the work I did through that, plus the step work in AA really has freed me from my past. When i say 'freed' what I mean is, I no longer lay awake at night fretting and sweating on memories. I no longer have happy days ruined by obscure memories being triggered and assaulting me from the blue. I no longer carry a sack of rage on my shoulder. I can function. I can feel happiness sometimes. I feel serenity a lot of the time. I no longer feel like 'no one likes me and they're probably right not to'. And that is something I feel immense gratitude for.
Today I'll be lighting a candle for you and remembering you, and the others like us, in my prayers.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
A book I found massively helpful in dealing with demons from the past was 'Rescuing the Inner Child' by Penny Parks (I bought it via Amazon for my Kindle, but there were paper copies as well, and in a way that might have been more useful). There are suggested activities (writing ones) in there which I didn't think would work but gave it a shot anyway, and have been amazed that the work I did through that, plus the step work in AA really has freed me from my past. When i say 'freed' what I mean is, I no longer lay awake at night fretting and sweating on memories. I no longer have happy days ruined by obscure memories being triggered and assaulting me from the blue. I no longer carry a sack of rage on my shoulder. I can function. I can feel happiness sometimes. I feel serenity a lot of the time. I no longer feel like 'no one likes me and they're probably right not to'. And that is something I feel immense gratitude for.
Today I'll be lighting a candle for you and remembering you, and the others like us, in my prayers.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
Earth Child
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Posts: 2,004
Thank you all for replying
I guess i have resentment towards my mother my step dad is dead ( he died from suicide ) my mother is toxic even with out drink
she talks to people like there some thing on her shoe
I dont want to bring the past up with my mother there is no point in doing so she will say the same as she did when my sister tried to tell her
i dont see her very much sometimes phone her when i know am in a good place
but she calls here she likes to have her own way if anyone does it the other way she get mad
but i have young family members that if i pee my mother off she will not let the young family members see us
she uses them as pawns
I want to heal from this i know i must get past the past in someway
Getting therapy i am unsure if am ready to face that but i know i must
I have to consider what is best for me in the past when i tried to have threapy i couldnt talk my flashbacks got worse and i was triggered more ...am going to look for somewhere that does it for free i know there isnt many places that does
I cant afford to pay at the moment
I'll look out for the book you suggested BerryBean thank you for suggesting it
Today am not doing much really want to go to an AA meeting but my husband says av been to enough this week he says i have to wait until Sat
I 'll just hang out here instead got to do a food shop today and thats all am up to my husband is still asleep but will be getting up soon ...
thank you all
I guess i have resentment towards my mother my step dad is dead ( he died from suicide ) my mother is toxic even with out drink
she talks to people like there some thing on her shoe
I dont want to bring the past up with my mother there is no point in doing so she will say the same as she did when my sister tried to tell her
i dont see her very much sometimes phone her when i know am in a good place
but she calls here she likes to have her own way if anyone does it the other way she get mad
but i have young family members that if i pee my mother off she will not let the young family members see us
she uses them as pawns
I want to heal from this i know i must get past the past in someway
Getting therapy i am unsure if am ready to face that but i know i must
I have to consider what is best for me in the past when i tried to have threapy i couldnt talk my flashbacks got worse and i was triggered more ...am going to look for somewhere that does it for free i know there isnt many places that does
I cant afford to pay at the moment
I'll look out for the book you suggested BerryBean thank you for suggesting it
Today am not doing much really want to go to an AA meeting but my husband says av been to enough this week he says i have to wait until Sat
I 'll just hang out here instead got to do a food shop today and thats all am up to my husband is still asleep but will be getting up soon ...
thank you all
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Alex.
Stay clean. Each sober day teaches us new skills.
I obsessed for years while drinking. A broken record.
Now clean, the obsessing has continued, but I can feel it is going away.
A sense of calm envelopes me now, like never before.
I read some zen stories here and it helped. Thanks to my SR family.
8 Zen Master Stories That Illustrate Important Truths | Thought Catalog
What ever it takes to relax the mind a deal w life.
It is so easy to forget how lucky we are...it begins w physical health.
There are so many folks, young folks....newborns, 3 years old etc...that are so very sick...so count our blessings etc.
Just breath and live. The simple things in life.
Getting healthy physically is a great way to begin to solve our mental health issues.
Even if we can't solve the brain damage fully, we can look good trying.
Thanks.
Stay clean. Each sober day teaches us new skills.
I obsessed for years while drinking. A broken record.
Now clean, the obsessing has continued, but I can feel it is going away.
A sense of calm envelopes me now, like never before.
I read some zen stories here and it helped. Thanks to my SR family.
8 Zen Master Stories That Illustrate Important Truths | Thought Catalog
What ever it takes to relax the mind a deal w life.
It is so easy to forget how lucky we are...it begins w physical health.
There are so many folks, young folks....newborns, 3 years old etc...that are so very sick...so count our blessings etc.
Just breath and live. The simple things in life.
Getting healthy physically is a great way to begin to solve our mental health issues.
Even if we can't solve the brain damage fully, we can look good trying.
Thanks.
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