Erratic

Been here and watching and also been working. However this time ive gone back to my roots and gave up my job.

I did 1 week of dtox and then on a certain med which made my job be a prob with it. so from last sat i am now without job but with help to help me. They dont know yet i dont have a job and so i am drinking on few days until i can work out myself again how to be at peace with myself, and get support next week.

for people who dont know me i suffer from borderline personality disorder and from past 8 months i have tried to be a robot at the work i was at, but its not helping me and i did what i had to do.

so u say now what? now i work on myself and being sober with hopufully no stresses which as u all know doesnt happen but heck i will do. done it before so can do it again.

also i am back on laptop which ignored and left, so more intuned with working on support group xx

so will see whats happening more and engage more as this forum and place offer so much which again im here for help xx

Dee74

Welcome back - I was wondering how you were

Are you going to look for some help from your Dr or therapist, Erratic? I think that's pretty important

D

Erratic

yeah got doc appointment next wed and got my pdoc this fri and then will work without restriction of work and time for everything i can do xx

as u know dee i keep coming back shame it wasnt the year i did give up on drink,however i know i did some time in doing it.

Time is what im loosing my memory is very short and then very difficult to fragment from the past and past week. If u know me is i do have problems explaining myself in what i mean and what i want and how to engage properly with people. I have this mask which is learned and yes past work has made me a robot, but my home and family is i will keep fighting.

i have very much stress point which is my bday next week and on monday is a year since i took OD and im trying to keep going. so sry for bleak input i am still here and fighting xx

Dee74

Stick with SR erratic - we all want to help

D

Erratic

Thanks hun xx will keep doing this.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Erratic!!

Erratic

thanks knight x

january161992

great username erratic!

glad youre back!

MythOfSisyphus

It's great to see you post again, Erratic! At first I didn't recognize you; I tend to memorize people by their avatar pic. I missed that you don't still have the turkey! But it's good to hear you're still working on a plan.

Berrybean

Glad you're here Erratic.

You've done your detox, so shy drink now? You say you are 'drinking on few days until i can work out myself again how to be at peace with myself'. The thing is, working ourselves out and learning how to be at peace with ourselves is recovery work that we can't do when we're under the influence of alcohol. It doesn't work that way round. We have to stop the alcoholic drinking first, and then we can start to work on the alcoholic thinking. That's why in the 12-step program of AA, the only step that even mentions alcohol is the very first one. Steps 2 through to 12 are about working ourselves out and learning to be at peace (find serenity).

Anyway. I'm glad you found your way here for support. I hope you find the strength to ditch the booze soon so that you can embark on your journey to recovery.

Wishing you all the best. BB

Erratic

Thanks guys, bean yeah i know about AA and it actually did help me in the first long term i gave up drinking. however yes it says only about drink but they dont understand about mental health illness.

I will carry on and i will prob go back to AA but i will also go with the place who is helping just now also.

Thanks for everyones help as usual and good to see some people i recognise. gee its been along time.
hugs to all xx

shockozulu

I searched around for AA groups that didn't have opinionated people who think mental health issues are nothing to worry about or think AA is all you need. My homegroup actually was half older people who had seen it all. We had retired nurses, a wonderful gentleman who suffered from severe depression since his wife died. He also had lost a son who hanged himself after relapsing. There was a woman with a personality disorder, and another woman in her 50s who didn't know she had mental health issues until she entered a year long program where they encouraged everyone to see a therapist. And of course I have a neurological disease that mimics mental health issues as parts of my brain slowly become destroyed. I'll never forget my first meeting there when one of the men brought up the fact he had just lost his job and had started seeing a therapist over this issue. I saw a number of folks gently nod in acceptance and approval. I knew right then it was going to be my homegroup and sure enough I spent a year as our GSR.

I also found "focused" meetings such as Big Book studies, 12 and 12, and Daily Reflections don't have much room for mental health zealots to spout their nonsense.

Don't forget other programs such as SMART Recovery (which is actually based on a school of therapy founded by Albert Ellis), LifeRing and SOS also have meetings. They are more secular in nature. By secular I mean the form of the program itself. SMART also has live meetings in their chat room to help learn the tools.

Welcome back

Erratic

Thanks shock x i have a friend who is doing smart meetings. I haven't found one in my area yet but am still looking into it.

Like i said i think i may go back to 2 AA meeting where i was comfortable and also got my sponsor from also. They are on a tues and fri evening its just me plucking up the courage also to go xx haven't been to them for many years.

I spoke to my alcohol councillor who i haven't seen since my dtox but he has been bz and i have been seeing the specialised doctor instead which he said will get her to phone me next week and get me started back on beclofan which will help a lot.

Its all about timing and build up to make me mentally prepared for giving up x which i know a lot of people know what its like xx

Dee74

Thinking of you Erratic. So next week might be your quit date?

D

Anna

I hope that you can start working on your recovery next week.

Erratic

thanks dee and anna, i have to alcohol doc tomo so am working on a date. she told me tues she didnt want me to give up completly even though its i say 2 weeks i have been driking hard for me. but i also know its been 4 weeks since i gave up work and then 2 weeks or so since my dtox. so gee time has gone so quickly.

so i will be seeing her tomo and will work out what to do. thanks again for caring its just getting again there xx

Dee74

Did she give you any ideas on how you're supposed to keep drinking but cut it back?

D

Hevyn

We're with you, Erratic. I hope things go well tomorrow with you doctor, & you can begin to heal.

PhoenixJ

E- if there is any person who goes to AA meetings without a mental health issue/s I have not found them yet. If AA worked for you- it is another piece in the puzzle filled in. I find AA does not the answer to all my life issues- it is there to support and listen to me. Stories. PJ