ulfr

I feel very depressed at the moment ...had too much coffee again think i should carry some decaf with me
My heart is breaking over the death of my step dad by suicide but its was 5 years ago yet i cant get over his death i feel broken
I tried to sleep but i cant seem to sleep all i want to do is cry
i want to drink to get over this pain but i know there is no point in drinking as drink is a depressant and it will make matters worse
i should have gone to a grief therapy after my step dad died
I want to make him my HP along with Christianity
maybe i need help
my mental health is bad very very depressed
want to help others who feel the same but how do i help them if i cant help myself
I just feel so low
its past midnight here and am meant to be going to group in the morning if i dont sleep i will not be able to go
Maybe am so self adsorbed think poor me
I cant keep doing this every night i feel so broken
sorry
He would be here if i just noticed he was depressed too busy thinking about myself maybe if i noticed he would be here


sorry

Anna

Alexxx, it's not your fault that your step dad made the decision to end his life. Be kind to yourself and try to get some rest. Your step dad would want you to have a good life.

finaltime

Hang in there. It's not too late to do the grief therapy now. Reaching out and not sitting in your head will help. Call anyone. Keep talking. You can get through this. Take a walk? Get the endorphins moving. Hang in there, thinking about you.

Ooona

I really believe our loved ones are here with us even when not in this physical world. I understand the heartbreak and sadness due to loss. I too have experienced a great loss and I actually used alcohol to cope with it for a long time after he passed. Its not too late to get some grief therapy dear. There are counselors that specialize with grief and loss.
Please seek some help with your depression. Your step dad isnt gone, hes right there with you....supporting and loving you through this.

least

I too would suggest grief counseling, even for so long ago.

Dee74

There are some really good suggestions here Alexxx.

Notimetoloose

Alexx, I am so sorry, if the feelings are too overwhelming to handle seek out support and or therapy. Talking can really help.
I have experienced loss and thought I had grieved the loss of my loved ones while drinking! It wasn't till I got sober that I realised that I had lied to myself or buried it and I had to go through the grief again....The pain I felt was awfully overwhelming and felt kinda chemical!...it took a bit of time, but I learned to acknowledge it and not be afraid of it and let the pain happen.

ulfr

Thank you all for replying
Am a bit better this morning
no coffee for today i think i should stay clear of coffee
Going to a small church service at the hospital this morning meant to be going to an AA meeting tonight but i dont think its a good idea for me to be out the house after 7pm the darkness really depresses me a lot
I have added suicide helpline numbers in my sig i thought it would be helpful for those who are feeling bad maybe it will help someone

Av been needing grief therapy for a while now going to look on line for an place i can go and get it
av made myself some tea this morning and had an banana for breakfast
Its early here
i got to try and keep myself busy have distractions i have a list of them near my pc am also going to put some pic of kittens and cute animals around my pc and some quotes brightening the area around my pc with positive things

I need to keep going
The best thing i can do for my step dad memeory is to live
dont let death and depression take over my life
my step dad believed that once you die you go to a new life reborn
Id like to think that he is living again In someway
thank you all for replying

Berrybean

Sorry you're feeling so low. I know that some of the grieving I never did properly in active alcoholism was some of the 'stuff' that popped out once I'd stopped drinking and couldn't hide from those feelings any more.

Thing is, grieving, although sad and painful, actually is okay. It's a way of processing and acknowledging our feelings. Why not allow yourself some quality grieving time. Write him a letter. Paint him a painting. Look at old photos. Write your memories. Go to his graveside (or a place he was comfortable and happy )and talk to him. Just trying to bury those feelings doesn't work. They just pop our sideways (like Drop-Dead Fred did for poor old Winona in that film) at the least opportune moments - usually when we just want to sleep or rest.

I'd also suggest that you DO get to an AA meeting today. Even if it means going to a different one to normal so you can go in the daytime. Often when we least want to go is when we most need to go. Do you have a sponsor or some AA buddies you can call and speak to?

Also, don't forget those AA speaker recordings. They've got me through some bleak hours in the last few years... 5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly! If you like alone you can always listen to one if you're awake at night with washing-machine head tumbling everything round and round and round.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. The steps did bring those promises to fruition for me when I started to apply the program to all areas of my life. Not always easy, but most definitely worth it. It can be the same for any of us. Pinky promise. Just some days and weeks don't feel good. They feel hard, and working our recovery at that time can just feel like plopping one foot in front of the other. But it doesn't usually stay that way for too long.

Take care. BB