Kost

Hi all and apologies for the title but being fickle seems to be part of my problems. I am 46 and live and work in a remote city in one of the Turkish Republics. Luckily I have fast Internet but no AA I can go to but then again I have lived in places with AA meetings and didn't go apart from twice some years ago.

Tomorrow is my day 1, today was supposed to be but I had my last drink last night but it lasted till 1am or so. My problems is that I am stuck in this cycle where I buy alcohol on the way home from work and drink till unconsciousness. I had a medical for work 2 months and got a stark warning from the doctor that I had bruises, a seriously high BP which I know and I have put on a lot of weight.

I am stopping because I know that I cant have much time left if I carry on. Also I am so fed up of it all. I have 7 and half weeks till my Christmas holidays and my goal is to lose weight, improve my BP and not drink till then. Long term I may change jobs to get myself into job where I can attend AA. I have some job applications in and am waiting.

Boredom is a killer for me and am joining a gym tomorrow. Just waiting now to go to bed but I know that sleep is going to be hard.

FLCamper

Welcome to SR.
It great that you're aware of your routine. That was a key part for me: do something different and break the cycle.

Keep posting - SR is a great resource.

Winslow

Welcome Kost

Ooona

Welcome. As was mentioned above you will need to break that after work routine, even some thing as simple as changing your route home could help!
I was the same way, drinking became a pattern and habit after working all day. Telling myself such things as I earned this, I deserve this, This is how I unwind, I need a stress reliever etc etc etc. All of it is just pure ******** for me, just lies that little voice chippers at me to justify my bad, self destructive behavior.
Once I truly admitted that to myself, the obsession to drink went away and I was able to change up my routines to avoid the booze.
For almost 3 months now Ive been using way healthier ways to cope with stress, to reward myself, to calm down after work and etc. I couldnt be happier! Its there for you too my friend, you just gotta want it bad enough!

doggonecarl

Welcome to Sober Recovery.

Does that mean come Christmas, you'll drink?

Kost

There is my problem. I can't imagine living without alcohol.

doggonecarl

Well then, there you go. If you can't live without it, accept all the things that go with long term alcohol abuse...high blood pressure just being one of them.

But I'm here to tell you that you can live without alcohol. I drank for thirty-five years. Daily. I haven't drank since Sept 2010. The first year was tough, but I don't regret for an instance quitting. I determined early that I was never going to drink again and did everything I could to live and love the sober life.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Kost!!

ScottFromWI

Most of us couldn't....addiction is a very difficult problem to deal with. I know I couldn't imagine doing anything without a beer in my hand. The good news is though that's its all a lie your addiction is telling you - many, many people get sober and live an even better life than they did without drinking a drop. If you are ready and willing to give it a go there are lots of people here who can help.

MrPL

Hi Kost,

Used to be the same thing here. I always started on the train on my way home, so since I have to get to work and get back home, and taking the train is the only optiom to do that, I had to have a good look at myself and make the same decision you have just made.

You can do this and we re here for you.

P

Kost

Just got up at 4.30 am, amazed that I had a reasonable sleep. Managed to sleep for about 6 hours.

Hevyn

Hi Kost - we're glad to have you with us.

I couldn't imagine life without alcohol either - but by the time I quit it was never fun anymore. It was a necessity, & I was completely dependent on it. It was affecting my health & every aspect of my life. I had to get free of it. I'm glad you see what has to be done. We know you can do this.

Berrybean

I remember not being able to live without alcohol. The idea of a birthday, Christmas, weekend, celebrations, bereavement, holiday, flight, day off work, Monday, etc. etc. without alcohol filled me with horror. BUT I got sober and started to force myself to hand round with other sober people and learned from them how it's done. Monkey-see-monkey-do.

Now I know that stopping drinking wasn't the end of my life as I feared it would be. It was the beginning. I can honestly say that I get much MORE out of the Christmas season nowadays. To be honest, before it was just the same old thing as normal but with a different excuse. I'm not even sure that I drank much more at Christmas than on a normal weekend. I just felt more justified in doing it. Plus, I got to laugh at all the Normies getting novice hangovers.

The beauty of AA and this place is that you get to meet others who have already walked the path and know that life does get better without alcohol if we work on our recovery. Obviously if we just stop drinking and white-knuckle it then it might not feel that way, which is why people talk about making recovery plans.

Dee74

Hi Kost - welcome

I had to accept that my relationship with alcohol was toxic and it would always be that way....there was no amount of time off that would reset me. because I never drank in a normal way.

was that scary? You bet.

Did I think I'd never be able to go with alcohol, yep - I saw no way I'd ever be able to do that...

But I also knew my drinking would kill me.

So, I started off committing one day at a time...I didn't know about my ability to stay sober forever... but I knew I could manage it for 24 hours.

so I did that - and backed up that commitment again and again until I had a long string of sober days behind me, my sober life was looking great, I was loving it (and sober me) and by then forever didn't seem so terrifying or unlikely

D

Kost

Drinking again, fickle is the only word for me. I made so many plans yesterday, really organised myself. Shopped, cooked healthy food, planned. Looked forward to xmas. But typically all in vain.

doggonecarl

Plenty of plans, but none for making it through the day sober?

Not sure what set you to drinking, but a "plan" accounts for the temptations, and cravings, and wavering commitment that accompanies the first days of sobriety.

Dump the booze and start over. Take drinking off the table completely. Plan for the discomfort you will face and get through the next day sober.

Then repeat.

Kost

No reason just stupidity. I always take the easy option, always have.

Hevyn

Kost, I did that too for many years. It all caught up with me. I hope you can find a way to free yourself before more damage is done. I caused myself so much needless pain. We're here to listen any time you want.

tomsteve

kost, im glad ya made it back. heres a couple lines from the big book of AA:

"He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end."
those were words that hit me hard.


ya know, one of the great things about AA is that meetings aren't necessary to start working the program. when AA first formed, there were people on the west coast of the U.S. getting sober with nothing but the big book.they followed the simple directions in it, then those people started meetings around them.
eventually, the big book was in other countries where other people got sober with nothing but the big book. they followed the simple directions in it, then started meetings in their location.

what im getting at is meetings aren't necessary to work the program and get sober. iffen ya pick up the big book( it can be read online, but I suggest getting a copy you can pick up anytime and read), and readreadread....over and over...the first 164 pages....and Do what it says, you can recover from the seemingly hopeless state of mind and body and start a meeting where youre at now, which im sure there are countless people just like you around there that want help.


getting sober and recovery is all about action.
sittin in the garage all day aint gonna make ya a car.
and
wherever you go, there you are.

EndGameNYC

Bruises, HBP and excess weight which, at your age, and considering your drinking habits, can lead to diabetes....can you imagine living without all that?