Berrybean

I know this will seem too too early to many people, BUT, one of the things I learnt over my last 2 sober Christmas periods was that planning ahead makes a big difference. And yesterday as I walked to church at 8.30am the local volunteers were out in my high street putting up strings of lights ready for the switch on in a few weeks. I suppose they have to do it over a few weeks and get everything tested in good time. Anyway, it got me thinking about my plans for this (and past ) years celebrations.

My first sober Christmas involved, to be honest, me sitting around sulking and full of self pity that everyone else could have a 'Christmas' drink (who was I kidding??!!) And I could not. Poor me, poor me. I made no plans other than to ignore it, eat lots and be a martyr.

Last year (sober Xmas 2) I got more organised. I noted dates on my calender of when Christmassy things were happening locally, and went along of I could. I put my name down on church volunteer lists to help with services. I took part in the church Christmas Carol service in the choir. I bought panto tickets. I contacted family members I'd long neglected and went to visit them. I had fun. Sober fun. More fun than I'd ever had as an adult at Christmas.

So this year, I hope that Christmas will be like last year's. But I need to take responsibility for that. So far on my list...

Have volunteered to help with the camels at the Xmas light switch on (note to self: find out about how to care for camels)

Am on the rota for Christmas Tree festival at local church

Have bought a panto ticket for the first day after work finishes for Xmas hols.

Have volunteered to help at Christmas day lunch for homeless at local Cathedral

Have confirmed with my AA home group that we will have a meeting in the evening of Christmas day, and will unlock and be secretary as usual.



Now I just need to....

Find out what now-less-neglected family have got planned for the general Xmas period

Get other church special Christmas services and celebrations in my diary and put my name on the list of people who can help out if required

Oh, and I suppose some little gifts will be in order, but not SO important in the big scheme of things

Make sure that other local and regional AAers know about the meeting so they can travel there if they need or want to.

Keep noting fun Xmassy things in my diary and encourage sober friends to come along (esp newly sober ones or people who might be on their own and like some company)


I'm looking forward to December!!

Dee74

Sounds great Berrybean
D

Pinky1

Sounds fab ☺ ��⛄x

August252015

I am so excited about Christmas, too. It will be my first sober one and there are just so many blessings. A big one involves my family as enormous strides have been made between my brother and me, in particular. I actually consider the holiday season to start the first weekend in Nov when I will see him, outside of a sole Christmas time in five years, when I visit DC where he lives.

I am so thankful - your post makes me really happy for you, bb!

MLD51

That's wonderful, BB! We are not so much into Christmas in my family - But I don't dread it like I used to. Holidays used to cause me so much stress. I got through them with plenty of booze on board. No more! This will be my third sober Christmas also. The first one, 2014, I had been sober 20 days. I barely managed to get a tree up and some presents bought. No one judged me for that - they were just happy I was there and sober. Last year I did a little better. This year I'll do even better. I want to start making all holidays special times with friends and family, instead of ordeals to be suffered through.

GnikNus

I've also been looking forward to Christmas early this year. Part of it is the season, part of it the wintry time of year. I'm a very ritual- oriented person, and I like all of the rituals that go with certain times of year.

In the past, much of the ritual around Christmas involved alcohol. Until I had two sober Christmas seasons, I never realized how dreadful they use to be: hungover, morning drinks to mitigate the ill effects of Christmas Eve, need for a nap that took up much of the day (and it's my birthday, so that's a waste), etc.

For those who dread the thought of getting through this (or any) holiday without booze, it gets easier. It even gets better. I love seeing my kids get excited about Christmas, and knowing I'll be 100 percent present for them again this year is invaluable. I've started a tradition the last couple of years where I go trout fishing the day after Christmas, so I look forward to that.

One thing, though- and this is a bonus- sweets have never tasted so good and i don't feel like I'm missing out when I consider all of the delicious seasonal sweets available around Christmas. We have a Victorian Christmas Fair out here in the Bay Area every year and I get my Christmas cakes from there...

Ruby2

BB, thank you for sharing your plan for Christmas. It is very important to start planning early for the holidays.

My AA group has an 8 a.m. meeting on holiday mornings so that is what I will do to start the day on Christmas. In the days running up to Christmas? I focus on my kids and family. I must exude grumpy genes because I've never really been invited to participate in the social swirl of parties around the holiday and I am grateful for that now. I can pick and choose what to do without feeling pressure from anyone.

If you are new to sobriety, and you know there will be a lot of alcohol at a party/work event/family get together/whatever, fill in the blank, and you are uncomfortable, DON'T GO. You don't have to go to any event that will cause you discomfort. If you're thinking "yes but my boss expects me" "yes but my co-workers will talk about me" "yes but I will hurt my family's feelings". You still don't have to go.

Do like BB did and make plans. Sure saves a lot of heartache in the long run.

Berrybean

Completely agree with the above. Notice that my plans DON'T include a works Xmas do. This year that are going on an all-inclusive (food and drinks) dinner and disco thing. Not a good idea for me at all. It's highly unlikely that I'd be tempted to drink at this stage, but being surrounded by lots of people who are taking advantage of the whole all-inclusive thing would be very irritating. I wouldn't enjoy it and I'd come home with a few fresh resentments no doubt lol. In sobriety I have discovered that I am definitely not the party animal I'd kidded myself that I was for all those years. Sober I am quieter and more reflective. Others might find that dull, but I now realise that doesn't matter. I'm not there to provide entertainment for them. If they like me fine. If not, well I just have to deal with that. There's people I don't like much as well. That's just how things are.

LostManhattan

Your Xmas plans sound wonderful. I view Xmas as a time of renewal and promise, and the opportunity to gather together family and friends.

Enjoy.

Delizadee

I had my first little thrills of excitement for Christmas this year too, just in the past couple days. But, that also comes with a lot of fear and anxiety for me.

Last Christmas was horrible for me. My kids were supposed to come back home with me right after christmas when I was slapped with a parenting order on Dec 21. I spend my Christmas alone, scrambling to find a lawyer over the holidays. Just writing this out makes me want to cry.
I did spend some time at the AA 24 hour Christmas meeting. But it was just... a very bad holiday for me. Holidays prior, were always a huge thing for. I always went all out. Last year I was sober... but miserable. And the sobriety lasted all of 2 weeks.

So, this year I've got my own place, my daughter is 4 so she is more aware and more excited about these things, so she gets me excited. But I also know that December and Christmas holidas are going to be an EXTREMELY trying time for me, as well as anxiety ridden and fearful, starting off the month with a court date and ending the month with who knows what, I cannot plan, not until I know what happens at the court date... and even still. I can't plan. It's all the whim of their stupid father what can and can't happen. I will try to be positive... it's a long ways away. I am such an emotional person. I have missed out on every holiday and birthday in the last year and it drives me crazy and it kills me inside.

I am however, going to do everything on my end to be cheery and healthy. And take good care of myself. I don't want to take away from my little one's Christmas. I just hope it is a tiny bit better than last Christmas was... I want to get out and do some volunteer work if I can when I am child free. Helping others always helps me mentally and emotionally.

Anyways, your post made me cheery lol and now I've driven us all to depression. Ha. Ha.

Anna

That sounds busy and fun, Berry! It's a good idea to be thinking ahead.

Berrybean

No you haven't. At least this Christmas should be better than the last one -although none of us can ever know exactly what is ahead for us.

You could always start making notes in your diary of things you see advertised that might be fun for you and your daughter if you do get the chance to go with her on the day, and also things to go to alone if she's with her dad. Like a Christmas opportunities list rather than hard and fast things you will be doing. I find some of the stuff I'm interested in is advertised in a pretty random way (Well, the old fashioned, poster in a shop window or community centre kind of way) and I reckon my memory is as bad now as when I was drinking, so I need to make a note of these things when I see them. My mobile phone comes in handy for taking a quick snap of posters when I see them then note the details in my diary when I get home.

Hats off to you for even thinking about volunteering when you have a 4 year old to run round after.

Is your 4 year old at school yet? If so there will be lots of exciting new things happening for them at school as well. Awww.