Maudcat

So my 91 year old mother fell getting out of bed about a week ago, which necessitated a trip to the local ER to get checked out. She's fine, all tests within normal range and no broken bones. Whew! There have been a couple of blessings visited on us since this happened. First, my mother was referred to the area Community Nurses Association. They have a ton of services all aimed toward keeping elderly people safe and as strong as possible, given the givens, in their homes. I have been over there a lot, meeting this veritable battalion of nurses, but it's all good. I have been feeling somewhat overwhelmed by my mother's needs, so it's nice to have some cheery help. Second, my alcoholic sib, who lives with her, has, well, um, stepped up. He has been helpful when he is not impaired. Not sure, but it seems like maybe he is drinking less as well. At the very least, he has changed up his pattern so that he is more available to her during daylight hours. I am gobsmacked. This man is one of the most selfish people on the planet. It's as if he has finally realized that his mother is frail and needs his help. My inner cynic believes that he has finally internalized the fact that as long as my mother is in her home, he has a roof over his head and a safe place to drink. If she goes into care, we will have to sell the house to pay for it. Whatever the reason, I am gratified and happy about this recent development, and will enjoy it for as long as it lasts. Life is funny. Peace.

dandylion

Maudcat....my first t hought was the same as yours....that he is trying to protect the roof over his head......
Oh well, we take our blessings where we find them......
I am glad that she is o.k. after such a fall.

Maudcat

Thanks, dandylion. Me too. I feel that we have dodged a bullet, for the present anyway. I have stepped up my game, too, making sure her clothes are clean, swapping out the stained, tattered stuff with new replacements. It means I am bugging her more about her appearance, which she isn't crazy about. Needs must, I guess. I try to be gentle.

dandylion

I can certainly appreciate what you are saying, Maudcat. Our aging parents are inclined to be somewhat fixed in their routines and independence. As, we will be, also...lol..
It does take patience and sensitivity to give t hem assistance and support without becoming a controlling "parent" to them....
I have been there....I know that it is a difficult line to walk.

I will share an experience of mine, with my mother when she was in her nineties...92, and my aunt who was 97.
Now, my mother (unlike my aunt), was a very, VERY, stubborn and head strong...even when she needed help. It was like walking on eggshells, and she was hard to please, type person....sigh...
One of the better experiences of the last two or three years of her life was the conversations that I had with her almost every day, by phone...she lived almost 500 miles away. I would ask her questions about her childhood and other experiences about her life. If I could get her onto those subjects...she would talk and share memories and feelings and challenges of her life that I don't think she ever shared, in such an intimate and open way. She was surorising candid and honest about a lot of things!
It helped me to understand her in ways that I had never been able to, before. And, I think it m ade her feel very much closer to me. It enabled me to see her as a complete person..and not just a difficult "older person".
It also made it a bit easier to make "suggestions" to her...
I remain grateful for those conversations that we were able to have.....

Maudcat

That is such a good story about your mother. We moved back to southeastern mass two years ago to help our sibs with aged mother and mil. It was a good decision in many ways. I am glad to be able to assist both of them in the waning years of their lives. They are both lovely women. Stubborn as rocks though.