Matrix360

I am a long term alcoholic. I have been struggling with alcohol recovery for a long time. However, even when I'm drinking it's something I can manage and get by with. I am a functioning alcoholic.

A couple weeks ago I met someone and I wish I never did. She introduced me to crack. I thought it was a one off and I wouldn't do it again. Well in the last week I've done crack three times.

I am in such a crazy place right now mentally. The comedown the day after crack has been so bad. But I keep thinking about it, especially when drinking. I know it will ruin me if I keep doing it.

Talk some sense into me please.

EndGameNYC

I don't know that a "functioning alcoholic" is someone who starts using crack while they're drinking.

Your denial is strong. As long as you believe you can "manage and get by with" drinking, then you're capable of doing anything, and that includes picking up another addiction.

If you want to stop drinking, then get help to stop drinking. I don't know that trying to work backwards from what may be the beginning of a crack addiction is going to change anything.

doggonecarl

Crack will take you to hell if you let it.

markshepherd

... and cost you more than money.

You need to seriously distance yourself from those using drugs, it never ends well

Dee74

I've never done crack but if alcohol is a pistol, crack must be an AK47.

It's a bad road to go down - you know it and I know it.

I would start running hard in the opposite direction from crack and the person who introduced you to it.

D

AdelineRose

I think it is time to take a big step back here and look at the overall bigger picture.

First off, you are completely off base with that "even when you are not drinking you are a functional alcoholic". I am sorry to break it to you, there is nothing functional about being an alcoholic. It is you are an alcoholic or you or you are an alcoholic that is in active recovery. Telling ourselves that we are functional is only to give ourselves an excuse to keep drinking. My drug of choice was heroin, I was not a "functional heroin addict"- I was a heroin addict.

Most of us that are addicts and alcoholic have addictive personalities. You are in a low point right now, alcohol isn't doing the trick anymore and now you have introduced a new drug into the mix and now you have added another drug into the mix. If that woman would have offered you heroin then your post would say talk me out of heroin. This is not about crack, this is about being in a low place and that you are grasping at anything that can take you away from your situation.

I hope that you see that you cannot handle this by yourself and that you need to reach out for help. Have you considered going to an inpatient rehab where you can get out of this cycle instead of allowing your drinking and now crack using to bring you farther and farther down. There is no way to "talk you out of crack". YOU and only YOU can stop yourself from drinking or smoking.

I hope you start to see that you cannot do this on your own. Inpatient rehab will allow you to get the help you need while taking a step back from your everyday stress in life and allow you to take a step back and at the same time get the information and help you need. If not inpatient than intensive out patient will connect you with doctors, counselors, psychologist, a psychiatrist, and other's that you can talk to that know what you are going through. If you still do not want to do that then finding a doctor that specializes in addiction, finding a substance abuse counselor, and going to a psychiatrist to get a psych evaluation would be a start. Then you can decide if AA or any of the other programs or a combination of a couple and then help yourself that way.

If you take one thing out of this post, I really hope that it is that you CANNOT do this by yourself. If you decide instead to keep smoking crack then I think you will quickly unfortunately see that it will suck your money up faster than fast and before you know it you will always be looking for your next hit until you are in a whole other depth of hell.

If you ever want to talk you can pm me. I hope you really decide enough is enough and reach out and get the help you need. I know it is scary and can seem not possible but believe me you can do it and it will be the best decision of your life.

Fly N Buy

Talk yourself out of it! Read these two statements over and over and over......... See any denial??

FreedomCA

I would also be petrified of the legal consequences of being caught with crack, and that will not look good on your DOJ rap sheet.

Algorithm

I don't agree with some of the drive-by psychological assessments, but I do agree that crack will probably ruin you, and that your troubles with alcohol addiction may compound the problem. Alcohol disables your better judgment, and once that happens, it is very easy to do things that are not wise, such as using crack.

Obviously, you should stop using crack immediately, before you become dependent on it, as you did with alcohol, but perhaps you could tell us why you've had so many problems with quitting the alcohol? What have you done towards that end?

Do you plan to stay addicted to alcohol?

Weasel1966

Matrix,

Listen and listen good. I have been exactly where you are now. I was an alcoholic for years and in 2005 I was introduced to crack. It simply overwhelmed me.

You will devolve into a shaking mess. Wanting with every breath to take another hit. Hanging sheets on the windows to block the rising sun from ending your high.

You will leave the house in search. People will look down on you as you walk unwilling to recognize that you look high. You cannot hide the crack look.

Your body will reject sex as much as crave it. You can never have enough. You never want it again after you come down. Sex becomes something that turns your stomach because al it makes you want? Is more crack.

Crack is a mental addiction. A physical addiction. A sex additicon. A need more money now at all costs addiction.

I wrote credit card checks to pay my dealers rent. I dragged people home from bars so I would not be alone to smoke. I needed someone to go get me more when the time came. The time ALWAYS came.

Chasing second hand smoke in the air. Your thumb raw in pain from flicking the lighter. Your shaky hand. Smoking the shattered ends of the glass pipe at the end and cutting your lips. Burning your lips on hot glass.

You see the spot you are in. You CANNOT do this alone. 3 rehabs for me. Countless attempts. I lost a lot.

But here is what you can do now to not go down this path.

Speak up with someone live where you are. Walk into a recover center when you have energy and a slightly clear head. Say I used crack and I cannot handle it. I need help now. Change you phone number. Change your friends. Change everything you can to be as far away from a supply and crack users as possible.

This is NO JOKE. You don't need to mess with this. I made it out alive and give thanks every day.

Life is again good and sweet for me. I am paying off the debt. And staying sober. Sex has still never come back. I don't seem to care at the moment. But I am still mending after years clean.

Say no now. Get help now. No more advice to give past that.

Ken

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Matrix!!

If there's one post you read this weekend . .. . it's Ken's above!! ^^^^^^^^^^^^

miamifella

I have a slightly different take.

I think being a functioning alcoholic is a worse place to be than an non-functioning one. They get to mess up their lives on the outside and are force to deal with their addiction. But as a functioning alcoholic, you die inside first before having to face your addiction.

But now you do have to face it.

You know that if you want to stop using crack you will probably need to stop drinking too. Addictions reinforce one another. Your alcohol addiction makes it easier for you to become a crack addict and your crack addiction can intensify your alcohol dependence.

I think you wrote this because you know that it is time to stop all of it and you need to hear that from other people.

So stop.

I went the opposite way. I did not like alcohol that much till after I found crack, but I think I know what you are going through.

Instead of struggling with recovery, you need to enter into it. Do whatever it takes to stop. Therapy, AA, SmartRecovery, SR, whatever...you just have to do it this time.

I think you are ready. Your post sounds like you are.

Weasel1966

I hope you sign on and respond Matrix. I want to know how you are doing.

Matrix360

Thanks everyone for all your responses, you've really helped.

First of all just a little background on my recovery situation. I sought help for my alcohol problem 2 years ago. I went to see an alcohol counsellor where I had weekly sessions for around 2/3 months. It was really helpful. The sessions were just what I needed and the having someone to talk to and make a plan with was great. Unfortunately after my sessions stopped I only stayed sober for 3 months.

Recently I have come to realise I have depression and other psychological issues. My doctor has referred me to see a psychotherapist for some form of therapy.

Now I also realise that I need to go back to the alcohol counselling. I need to see and talk to someone weekly who can help me make a plan to get sober and also someone to who I feel accountable. This crack business has complicated things but I will mention it to them and see where things go from there. I will call them tomorrow morning for an appointment.

I have been craving crack a lot. Especially as I am still drinking. But reading your comment Ken really struck a chord. The last time I took crack was a horrible experience by the end. I went through three lighters. Both my thumbs were raw. Multiple fingers were burnt as well as my lips. My lips and the inside of my mouth were black. I was crawling on my hands and knees convinced I had dropped a small piece of rock somewhere. I don't want to go through that again.

I feel so terrible and depressed and lonely right now. I can't wait to start seeing a counsellor again.

Weasel1966

Matrix. You are NOT alone.

The looking for non-existent crack? That's called crumming. You were high. That's NOT you.

You will get help.

Listen... the feelings you have right now? They are fabricated by the drug. The dark. The black. The unable to see the next moment? Yeah. That's crack. That's crack days later. And sadly... That's crack YEARS later. I smell it when a car passes by. It smells like car exhaust. But know you can and will get past it. I did. I am NOT special.

See your counselor.

K

zerothehero

This is worth reading: https://www.drugabuse.gov/publicatio...ce-its-effects

People who suffer from depression often connect with the effects of cocaine because of the dopamine boost that those with depression lack. The problem is when you come off the crack your dopamine reward system is out of whack and you're more depressed than you were before the crack. Over time this can do real damage and lead to adhedonia - inability to feel pleasure - and it can take months to get back to "normal" dopamine function, which may not be normal if you're depressed in the first place. Even though alcohol is a depressant, it does provide a dopamine boost, as well, so all these substances bouncing around with dopamine and serotonin and epinephrine and others... It changes the brain. Getting through relapse means staying clean until relatively normal brain function returns.

And yes, I've picked through the carpet looking for rocks. If you're already there the sooner you stop the better.

soberclover

Reading this thread makes me so grateful that I'm clean and sober now! Cocaine in whatever form is pure evil. I'm glad you are getting help and I strongly encourage you to stop drinking. Drinking messes up our thinking and our messed up thinking leads to cocaine use; that was the way for me. I found it impossible to have a drug in my body (alcohol is a drug) and for the want for cocaine to go away. Both need to go so you can move on to the life you were meant to live