boblardo

4 years ago I started a thread with the same intentions I have now

The very fact that i am returning means that previous intentions and attempts to stop drinking haven't turned out quite the way i wanted.

I convinced myself that I could control my drinking, only drinking when there is an event on ie Boxing or Football.

it hasn't quite worked out and on reflection I am probably still drinking as much as before although the big sessions where I don't remember anything are much less frequent.

This isn't the only forum I have signed up for over the past 4 years, but now is the time for change;

At the moment I feel determined to stop drinking forever but I know I need help

LBrain

The change has to come within you. And part of that change is the realization that your attempt to moderate did not work. As many before you have come to understand, moderation works only for those who do not have to even think about moderation. Once you understand that abstinence is most likely the only thing that will work, you have to adapt your mind to the acceptance of that.
Giving up drinking, regardless of how you go about it – not drinking at all works for everyone – seems to be the only way going forward. Once you accept that as your new reality and embrace it wholly, you can begin to change your attitude about everything.

As far as help goes, the first thing you have to do is to convince yourself that this is the only way. Once you are 'on board' with that, the rest is up to you. Don't think about "not being allowed" to drink, or possibly drinking in the future. That will lead to your downfall. You have to become a non-drinker, and that's the bottom line.

bexxed

Welcome back, boblardo. It has helped me to make a plan, which addressed what didn't work before. Do you have one?

Anna

Welcome back!

I think the best thing you can do is to come up with a plan, lots of specifics for how you are going to make this work. What changes will you make in your daily routine, what will you do if you feel a strong craving, how will you occupy your spare time? Those are all things that can help you through this journey.

sleepie

Glad you are here boblardo, I had a lot of starts and stops as well and now at near 10 months sober. I think you can do this too.

Hevyn

It's good to see you again, boblardo. We need to be ready - it sounds like you're fed up with the drinking life & anxious to do this.

january161992

the magic words !

maybe some willingness to change?

i went to aa and got help

God bless

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Boblardo!!

boblardo

Thanks for the support;

Alcohol has been a massive part of my life for so long, even as a child I was around alcohol (not drinking it, my dad owned a pub!). In my late teens i was allowed a glass of wine/beer with my xmas dinner then as soon as i hit 18, boom every friday & saturday, was spent drinking. Sometimes I would start thursday and finish sunday.

Once i got married the drinking was less frequent, at least the visits to the pub were although I suppose there was more drinking at home. The arrival of the little bobs didn't really stop me; I would go for "a quick one" and return the early hours of the next morning while my amazing wife was at home.

Now I hardly go out and felt like I had my drinking under control but a couple of times I have been out and lost control of my drinking and have ended up in situations i wouldn't normally get into if I were sober. I don't want to go into detail but now is the time to stop!

Honestly at this moment in time, I really feel that if I don't stop i will lose EVERYTHING!

That said, so far so good its 6 days without a drink.

Bit anxious though as next friday is my last day at my current employer so a leaving do has been arranged. i am motivated to not drink and was already thinking of alternatives to not drinking alcohol.

But its going to take some real willpower as everyone knows me as the guy who likes a few beers!!!

boblardo

A life without alcohol scares me but it really shouldn't, I always though alcoholics were those people who drank all day and night and looked down and out!!

It's clear I am an alcoholic, I won't drink for a while then will have a massive binge where I will do something stupid or get home without remembering what I did

I really want to go home, sit the wife down and tell her I have a problem with drinking. She doesn't need the details but I can't do this alone

#scared #sad

boblardo

Well, that was an epic failure

I literally Crashed and burned; had a couple of beers midweek then followed that up with an end of the week, MASSIVE 7hr drink session

I hadn't eaten since breakfast, ended up smooching with a lady from work(that's going to awkward on Monday!) at least that's as far as I think it went!!!

I broke down Saturday morning and told my wife, I have a problem with drink and moderation doesn't work. I lose control of myself when I'm drinking and many times have ended up in a situation (fighting, drugs, kissing another woman, I have even crashed my car due to drink driving)

I need to change and now, there a local AA meeting this morning at 1030 which I'm heading too as I can't do this on my own; no idea what to expect but it's time for action

teaorcoffee

GLad you're back. The good thing is that you don't have long at this job and the other place will see what you want them to see.
I work at a place that has a big drinking culture and this will be one of my hurdles that I need to plan for. Already decided to dip out of some events, but can't do that for all.
I'm realising, as well, that at some point, people will realise that I'm still not drinking and I'll have to decide what I want to say.
So, I'm a bit jealous of your new start, to be honest.

Berrybean

Good idea. Just dont forget that the clocks changed. Good luck at your first meeting. Hope its a good un and you get lots of identification with what you hear. Thank the numbers people offer you. They mean it if they say call them. That's step 12 work and helps them as much as it'll help you.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

boblardo

Thanks for the replies; I am no longer leaving and the "leaving do"turned into a "staying do"

My intention was to be home after a couple of drinks, even told the kids I would be home in a couple of hours

I think I got home at 3am!!!

teaorcoffee

Oh!
My only advice would be then that Monday will be better without a hangover. Hang in there.

boblardo

I didn't go to the meeting this morning, I just could find the courage to

I will try again

sobersolstice

I'm struggling with the same thing. The AA thing is hit or miss for me. I found one or two to be helpful, but the prayer style stuff is a bit weird to me being agnostic. The ones that seem to be a good reminder, and make me think more deeply about my situation are the ones with younger members. I have a hard time relating to older people with families, grandchildren etc., being single in my 30's.

I bought a 3 ring divider with some lined paper and dividers. I've started writing out the plan and going through what's working and what is not. I understand everyone is different, but am finding I am drinking less when I do, and taking more and more days off as I figure myself out. I really need to sit down and take a day to write things down more to re-assess the severity of my problem. Right now, that's my main issue.

FLCamper

Sounds like you better do something!
Forget ever promising something after a couple of drinks. There is no such thing as a couple of drinks for "us" - it's all or nothing. And, nothing is the only good choice.
Suck up your courage and go to a meeting. Every person there had to do it at some point and they will understand.

Berrybean

It took me a few tries before I found the courage to walk I the door. Once inside it was easier as people all remember what the first meeting is like and will show newcomers the ropes and be friendly while also giving a little space. Chatting to someone from your local group on the telephone might help to get to your first meeting. They can always arrange to meetings you outside so you don't need to walk I alone the first time.

When's the next one in your area?

BB

Yogini1603

I can *absolutely* relate to the meeting-fear. I have social anxiety and often feel so confident on my way to a meeting, then I get to the door and I'm terrified, sweating and want to vomit. That being said, I often sit in the back and there hasn't been one time I've ever regretted going to a meeting.
You don't have to talk to people. If you go in and want to connect, then go and make a coffee and talk to the person next to you. If you are scared, then sit at the back and it'll be okay. Everyone is there for the same reason and no one is going to ask you why you're nervous. It's AA, dude, everyone has had their first few meetings.