Expanding

Brief sighting of the exA (drink in hand) and I was still hit with a sick feeling in my stomach. I still don't quite know what the feeling actually is but as someone who wants nothing to do with him I'm always surprised at how strong of a reaction it is and how yucky it feels.

I am looking forward to the day when I don't feel anything at all

Misc72

For me it's usually the total amount of time you were together and then divide that time by half. So if you were together for 2 years then it will take 1 year. But that's just me. So it took me 4 years. ugh.

Expanding

If I follow in your foot steps it'll be four years for me too! Ugh!

LifeRecovery

In affair situations they will often say that it takes 2-5 years for recovery (regardless of if you stay with your loved one or not). Since that was a part of my relationship that got me here I latched onto that idea.

I know that seems like a long-time but it offered me comfort that my "timing" and processing was not that far off. It does slowly get better and it is not the same acute hurt that it was during the beginning.

For me it was about two years before I started to really heal, and about six years before I can honestly say that the relationship that got me here is part of my past and no longer part of my present. In my case though the relationship ending was about healing not just from that relationship but a lot of other challenges in my life.

Time takes time sometimes. You might be feeling cruddy, but you really are making progress.

LexieCat

I dunno, if I were to unexpectedly encounter my second husband (whom I haven't laid eyes on in almost 20 years) and he had a drink in his hand, I'd be hit with a sick feeling. It would pass, though.

I think I'd avoid being places where you're likely to run into him, if that's at all possible. But the feeling will pass.

LifeRecovery

Lexie your recent experience on the phone/email helped me to normalize my own startle response a number of months ago when I saw my ex for the first time! I had it without him having a drink in his hand but it was still disorienting.

maia1234

E.
This is the million dollar question.

I've been divorced for almost 2 years now and went n/c four months ago. I have seen axh twice, in the car, in the last 4 months. My heart pounds and I go into shock. But, like Lexie says, you get over the shock, and move forward.

I am waiting for that day also.... Hugs my friend, keep with the n/c and one day both of us won't give a shxt.

rae145

My grandsons first birthday party is coming up and my exa will be there. I have so much anxiety thinking about it. He said he's not bringing his gf (who really really wants to attend). I dread this and have no idea how long it takes for the sick feeling to go away. I wonder if having a bf would help me move on.

LexieCat

Bad, BAD idea to jump into another relationship to get over the last one. It works ONLY in the movies.

Keep the focus on YOUR family--no need for you to interact.

Hangnbyathread

I have yet to see my ex again. But there have been a few times that I have been around drunks, and yeah I still get that anxious feeling in my gut.

I have happily dating a normal drinker now for 3 months or so. My stomach doesn't get that pit, because she has never drunk to excess. I can be around her and she drink and it's no problem.

firebolt

Ugg - I hate that they can still make us feel so badly.

The first time I saw the X after going no contact, my stomach was in knots for over a day. Now, I see him here and there, and it makes my stomach turn for a half hour. Getting better all the time, but I don't know if it will ever go away.

I see an ex from 2 decades ago in the grocery store here and there, and I want to hit the deck and army crawl to the exit to escape without feeling like I need to stand and chat. *Shrug* I think it's just my knee jerk reaction to dealing with what I consider failures in my past? Dunno how to change it. It's like the fight or flight feeling when I get pulled over for speeding haha.

Expanding

I never stopped to think about it that way... that he's a reminder of something I couldn't make work. I feel embarrassment that I let myself be treated so poorly... and then take all the blame. I'm embarrassed with how I acted and how little self respect I had and how obvious it must have been. I'd rather deal with the occasional sick feeling than still be in that mess.

atalose

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent…………………..Eleanor Roosevelt


I think getting that anxious/nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach when seeing the ex is a warning sign. Like a great big red flashing caution sign. Just like that same anxious/nervous feeling we got in the beginning of our relationships with them, only we didn’t see it as a warning flag we saw it as attraction and wrote it off as falling in love……………at least for me it was like that.

If I start feeling inferior around my ex-husband that’s a clear sign to myself that I need to keep working very hard on my issues especially all of the things that make me feel bad about myself again.

healthyagain

I do not how long it takes and if it ever goes away. All I know is, it is getting more intense, that yucky feeling.

I never contact him, ever. When I do see him, I hide. Drink or no drink around him. He changed physically so much, looks 15 years older. When people try to talk about him, my blood pressure goes through the roof. But I am able to control my actual response, which is usually close to "not my circus, not my monkey."

It is interesting how I missed him at first, and mourned our relationship, but now I just have that yucky feeling and want to soak myself in bleach.