A little lost
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 3
A little lost
Hello,
I'm feeling a little lost, lonely, and scared tonight. I have 24 days sober and learned last weekend that a good friend has terminal cancer. Then last night I found out my mom has breast cancer. Right now I'm just barely hanging on....it's all I can do not to go out and get a couple bottles of wine just to numb it all, stop thinking, stop feeling, whatever. I know it won't help but man, it's such an easy way to fill that hole, even for a bit. I thought I could do this on my own but maybe I need a little help after all.
I'm feeling a little lost, lonely, and scared tonight. I have 24 days sober and learned last weekend that a good friend has terminal cancer. Then last night I found out my mom has breast cancer. Right now I'm just barely hanging on....it's all I can do not to go out and get a couple bottles of wine just to numb it all, stop thinking, stop feeling, whatever. I know it won't help but man, it's such an easy way to fill that hole, even for a bit. I thought I could do this on my own but maybe I need a little help after all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I'm so sorry you're feeling this. I hope they are both early stage. I have had cancer myself and lost my hub to cancer almost 5 years ago so I know the fear and powerlessness.
Bottom line? It won't help. Right now, in this moment, there is nothing you can do. Believe me when I say you will want to be there for your loved ones and you'll really regret being drunk. If you have a faith or higher power, pray for help and strength. Hang in there.
Bottom line? It won't help. Right now, in this moment, there is nothing you can do. Believe me when I say you will want to be there for your loved ones and you'll really regret being drunk. If you have a faith or higher power, pray for help and strength. Hang in there.
Human
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Earth
Posts: 183
I'm so sorry to hear all this for you! How heavy your heart must feel. It's a small solace to celebrate 24 days, but you should keep that in your pocket to grab as a comfort every so often. As that number gets bigger, so does the measure of your inner strength.
That infamous bottle may numb emotions, but it will also numb you to those people whom you hold dear. It is touching that you feel for them, but it is their pain first and foremost. Why numb yourself to them when you can use that growing inner strength to help them? Maybe this is why you're sober, right here and right now.
Please keep us updated
thank you for reaching out to SR.
That infamous bottle may numb emotions, but it will also numb you to those people whom you hold dear. It is touching that you feel for them, but it is their pain first and foremost. Why numb yourself to them when you can use that growing inner strength to help them? Maybe this is why you're sober, right here and right now.
Please keep us updated
thank you for reaching out to SR.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 3
Thank you both. You're right, I can't help anyone if I don't help myself. And I've got enough regret over not being fully present or available in the past! I'm going to spiritual service tomorrow morning, which I haven't done in years, then a walk with my mum in the afternoon. I won't do either if I drink tonight.
Human
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Earth
Posts: 183
See already how those 24 (quickly becoming 25!) days of growing strength are already working! 
It's not an easy path we walk, us recovered ones. But that's why we have support systems - it's okay to accept that it's difficult. Not okay to accept it as impossible
Enjoy your walk, that is one of my favorite de-stressors! May the service bring you some peace to tide you over
It's not an easy path we walk, us recovered ones. But that's why we have support systems - it's okay to accept that it's difficult. Not okay to accept it as impossible
Enjoy your walk, that is one of my favorite de-stressors! May the service bring you some peace to tide you over
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Upstate NY, USA
Posts: 141
I am way too early in my sobriety to give out advice, so I will pass on what I heard from an oldtimer: "If you have a problem, and then add alcohol, then you have two problems" Our hearts go out to you Sunbeam, but the alcohol only makes it better for a little while, and then adds massive problems. One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Welcome Sunbeam,
I'm sorry to hear about your mom and your friend. I agree with the above posters that sober you will be able to help and support both of them at this difficult time.
I also think you are smart to reach out for help, rather than try to deal with this on your own.
Sending prayers your way.
❤️ Delilah
I'm sorry to hear about your mom and your friend. I agree with the above posters that sober you will be able to help and support both of them at this difficult time.
I also think you are smart to reach out for help, rather than try to deal with this on your own.
Sending prayers your way.
❤️ Delilah
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,501
I'm sure you know that drinking right now will not help your situation in any way, and will in fact, make things worse. I'm sorry about your friend and your mother and I am sending prayers to you, but you must hold on, stay strong and be there for your friend and your mother. They need you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sending prayers up for you and yours.
My closest AA friends father was diagnosed with cancer in her first year of sobriety. She was so pleased that she could be present for him, and deal with the emotions as they came up by working her recovery program and letting her friends in recovery support her. It was tough. But ut still would have been tough if she'd drunk to be honest. At least sober she didn't have shame to deal with, and her father was proud of her staying sober, and told her "at least I don't need to be worried about you now that you're getting well." She was so happy that she could give him at least that peace of mind.
Sobriety and recovery is never about life being better. It's about us being better equipped to deal with life on life's terms. I'm sure you're better equipped to do the next best thing as any point now than you would be if you were still actively alcoholic, so good on you for staying resolved to not falling for the lie that alcohol will, make things better and more bearable. It so, so wouldn't.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
My closest AA friends father was diagnosed with cancer in her first year of sobriety. She was so pleased that she could be present for him, and deal with the emotions as they came up by working her recovery program and letting her friends in recovery support her. It was tough. But ut still would have been tough if she'd drunk to be honest. At least sober she didn't have shame to deal with, and her father was proud of her staying sober, and told her "at least I don't need to be worried about you now that you're getting well." She was so happy that she could give him at least that peace of mind.
Sobriety and recovery is never about life being better. It's about us being better equipped to deal with life on life's terms. I'm sure you're better equipped to do the next best thing as any point now than you would be if you were still actively alcoholic, so good on you for staying resolved to not falling for the lie that alcohol will, make things better and more bearable. It so, so wouldn't.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,978
Originally Posted by Sunbeam907 
learned last weekend that a good friend has terminal cancer. Then last night I found out my mom has breast cancer.
my mom is dying of cancer and brain tumors
last year my sister got married and then widowed
its why i go to a meeting (almost) everyday and stay active in service to others
to save my butt
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
So sorry for the news. Cancer is evil.
My Mom died of cancer 2 years ago. She fought so hard until her last breath. She did not want to die.
Great job on coming here....... horrible news is a good reason to stay sober vs drink.
Being strong and healthy minded during trying times is the way we were designed to live.
God never intended us to get hammered when we get stressed out.
The addiction is relentless in the beginning.
Thanks.
My Mom died of cancer 2 years ago. She fought so hard until her last breath. She did not want to die.
Great job on coming here....... horrible news is a good reason to stay sober vs drink.
Being strong and healthy minded during trying times is the way we were designed to live.
God never intended us to get hammered when we get stressed out.
The addiction is relentless in the beginning.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 3
Thanks for the support and advise . I didn't drink and had a really nice, very present and fully participating walk with my mom last night along a bird sanctuary boardwalk. We had some good chick chat and giggles along the way. And it was good to go to service yesterday too. All in all a good day.
On a different subject, whenever I try to use the mobile app it crashes EVERY time I'm in the middle of posting or replying on this forum. Anyone else have that trouble? The app is handy but incredibly frustrating
!
. I didn't drink and had a really nice, very present and fully participating walk with my mom last night along a bird sanctuary boardwalk. We had some good chick chat and giggles along the way. And it was good to go to service yesterday too. All in all a good day. On a different subject, whenever I try to use the mobile app it crashes EVERY time I'm in the middle of posting or replying on this forum. Anyone else have that trouble? The app is handy but incredibly frustrating
!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Originally Posted by Sunbeam907
Hello,
I'm feeling a little lost, lonely, and scared tonight. I have 24 days sober and learned last weekend that a good friend has terminal cancer. Then last night I found out my mom has breast cancer. Right now I'm just barely hanging on....it's all I can do not to go out and get a couple bottles of wine just to numb it all, stop thinking, stop feeling, whatever. I know it won't help but man, it's such an easy way to fill that hole, even for a bit. I thought I could do this on my own but maybe I need a little help after all.
I'm feeling a little lost, lonely, and scared tonight. I have 24 days sober and learned last weekend that a good friend has terminal cancer. Then last night I found out my mom has breast cancer. Right now I'm just barely hanging on....it's all I can do not to go out and get a couple bottles of wine just to numb it all, stop thinking, stop feeling, whatever. I know it won't help but man, it's such an easy way to fill that hole, even for a bit. I thought I could do this on my own but maybe I need a little help after all.
I don't know much about your situation, or that of the afflicted, but I do know that drinking won't help, and will likely hurt.
I play the tape, and think about how things really go. We have a tendency to romanticize booze instead of remembering why we stopped.
Alcohol never, ever made anything better for me. I lied to myself a lot, though.
Hugs.
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