madgirl

Experiencing the strongest wave of craving to date tonight, so please allow me to ride it out here.

Son is at his homecoming dance. Took pictures of all the beautiful, happy kids and I think that sparked the craving because it hit me like a tidal wave that I am tired as hell and all I do is work, sit in traffic (two hours a day), run errands on the weekend and really dont do anything "fun".

I called my husband and admitted I was craving wine and it turned into a whiny conversation having to do with my mom duties - then I get home and the jerk is drinking beer and he's like "what? Am I supposed to not drink because of your problem?"

I wanted to scream - still do. I just said "do whatever I guess I am completely alone in this" God!!!

Well - seven months. I made it freaking seven months today.

Impurrfect

Congratulations on 7 months!!! I think you need some pampering. Maybe a long bubble bath with candlelight, a good book to read or music you like?

Do something that is nice to YOU, you deserve it!

tekink

congrats on making it 7 months! I don't expect things to get any easier for myself for at least a year. I'm worried that once I start getting complacent in my sobriety I'll start lowering my guard, however.

madgirl

Thank you. Seriously I don't know what stopped me from buying a glass of wine in some place by myself tonight - except you guys. I knew I would have to be honest here - made a soul pact with myself on that - and right now, this internet forum is the only place I go where people get what I am trying to do.

madgirl

I know it isnt really the wine. Im craving - I dont know what - joy? Love? I dont know. Im rambling.

Notimetoloose

Seven months is wonderful madgirl...you are doing so well. It sounds like the AV to me....
Remember HALT. Have you had something to eat? Take care of yourself and know that answering problems with alcohol is not who you are anymore.

Bulgakova

Dang, that is a poopy day. That said, booze wouldn't fix any of that. It'll just add a hangover to it.

If it is possible, scheduling daily time for yourself is not a crime. To do whatever. Bubble bath, walk, quiet and magazines, whatever. A gym visit can be good as it's totally removed from Momming geography. Doesn't have to be a long time, just a purposeful point of decompress time.

For those long commutes, have you ever tried audio books?

Hevyn

Hi madgirl. I remember in early recovery I had similar feelings that hit me out of nowhere. Sure, I was happy & thankful to be free of alcohol - it had been the center of my life for too long. But there was an underlying restlessness or discontent. One day I realized it was no longer there - so I hope you'll eventually feel more comfortable with your situation. I guess I missed the feeling of having something to look forward to - a break from the everyday stuff. Yet I knew drinking could never be fun or relaxing for me ever again. I think these conflicting emotions are perfectly normal.

Wanting to stay honest here saved me from caving many times. I think it's great you wanted to talk about what's going on. Hope you feel better soon.

PurpleKnight

Sometimes it just takes that one decision each day to make it through . . . Fantastic!!

For me it was important at some point during the week to have some personal space and some me time, even if it was only half an hour reading a newspaper, having a nice cup of tea or coffee, going for a walk or immersing myself in a good book before bed . . . find a tiny corner of life for yourself each week!!

CajunPrincess

Congrats on 7 months. That is a huge accomplishment.
I agree with the others... I think you should do something nice for yourself and enjoy it.

Dee74

I think balance is really important madgirl - even as a worker, a wife and a mom, you deserve a little you time.

The thing is to work out ways of having fun or joy without drinking.

I'm not sure what to add about love, attention and other relationship issues..., but I hope that things will become clearer to you in that respect the more you stay sober

I had to build a life I loved to stay sober - I think it's essential.

great job on not caving tonight

D

madgirl

I think I will get outside for a hike tomorrow - alone - not even my beagle because she barks non stop. Need to work my body and get some of this resentment out of my head.

Mattq2

Nice job mad girl. You've done so well and accomplished so much. Seven months is an awesome accomplishment. After a good nights rest tomorrow will be a much better day.

Bekindalways

I second the others in offering congratulations!

Some days I feel like I'm missing some "minimum daily requirement". Usually not sure what is is I want/need. For many alcohol fills in that feeling. Maybe it is a moment you just want to snuggle into someones' lap and suck your thumb (-;

Sigh.

I hope that hike gets you feeling better. Maybe a feel-good romantic comedy.

Hang tough!

jodc

Way to go madgirl! 7 months! Congratulations!
I agree with everyone here; you deserve some quality "me time".
Do you like massages? Maybe that could help...?

Dee, I like this: "I had to build a life I loved to stay sober."
Beautiful thought, building a life I love...

least

Big congrats on seven months sober! And you're not completely alone in this. You have us.

fini

i doubt you're rambling.
i say that because looking behind the "wannadrink!!!" urges has been so useful to me. useful and scary at the beginning.
craving/wanting/needing love or joy can be much harder to know about and acknowledge than sayin or convincing myself it's booze i want or need.

you're at seven months. that is wonderful! congratulations! give yourself the chance to sit and find out what it is you really want and need, and then give yourself the scary chance to go and get it!

staying sober opens those possibilities. drinking again just slams the shutters.

awuh1

Sounds like you could really use some face to face support. Have you ever been to an AA meeting madgirl?

EndGameNYC

That's a pretty good place to start.

REsoberALITY

Congrats on 7 months! I understand your frustration though. This is not something I expect people to understand who don't have the problem themselves. I will only really explain (or try to) if they ask.

Enjoy your hike tomorrow!