Divorce Moving So Slowly!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Divorce Moving So Slowly!!!!
Hi,
I'm still so fustrated!! I filed for divorce from my AH last Jan. We finally got a court date Nov. My AH'S attorney wanted to continue. To make a long story shorter, the attorneys are keeping the court date and attending by telephone.
I asked my attorney what his agenda will be at this court date. He said to push the court to schedule mediation.
I'm so fustrated!! I told my attorney, my AH continued to spend down the marital assets. He is living in our home. He refusing to give us any of the business financials, so who knows what he's doing with that!!! My AH continues to live the life style he was accustom too, while I'm barely getting by.
How can the court allow this to drag on!!
Also, how can my AH get away with not answering some of the questions in the interrogaties. My attorney has asked x4, by letter for him to answer the question about his drinking habits, if he's the beneficiary of any trusts, and if he's every been arrested. Now my attorney has made a motion to compel to the court.
My AH attorney called me a thief, in writing, and she gets away with slandering me, and my AH is allowed not to answer questions that everyone has to answer.
I don't understand all this!! I didn't do anything, but I'm paying the price.
Do you think the court will make him answer the questions? Why doesn't my AH just answer them? Will the court make him provide us with the financials for the business? How much longer will the court allow him to stay in our home, without either buying me out, or it being put up for sale? It's been almost a year, and nothing has been resolved. His attorney just doesn't answer out communications.
I need some financial relief. I'm frankly worried about the few assests I have, that my AH is destroying them so they are worthless. What can I do to make this move along quicker, and to protect the little I have?
Thank you for listening. I'm just so fustrated. My AH seems to be able to continue living his life, without interruption.
Z
I'm still so fustrated!! I filed for divorce from my AH last Jan. We finally got a court date Nov. My AH'S attorney wanted to continue. To make a long story shorter, the attorneys are keeping the court date and attending by telephone.
I asked my attorney what his agenda will be at this court date. He said to push the court to schedule mediation.
I'm so fustrated!! I told my attorney, my AH continued to spend down the marital assets. He is living in our home. He refusing to give us any of the business financials, so who knows what he's doing with that!!! My AH continues to live the life style he was accustom too, while I'm barely getting by.
How can the court allow this to drag on!!
Also, how can my AH get away with not answering some of the questions in the interrogaties. My attorney has asked x4, by letter for him to answer the question about his drinking habits, if he's the beneficiary of any trusts, and if he's every been arrested. Now my attorney has made a motion to compel to the court.
My AH attorney called me a thief, in writing, and she gets away with slandering me, and my AH is allowed not to answer questions that everyone has to answer.
I don't understand all this!! I didn't do anything, but I'm paying the price.
Do you think the court will make him answer the questions? Why doesn't my AH just answer them? Will the court make him provide us with the financials for the business? How much longer will the court allow him to stay in our home, without either buying me out, or it being put up for sale? It's been almost a year, and nothing has been resolved. His attorney just doesn't answer out communications.
I need some financial relief. I'm frankly worried about the few assests I have, that my AH is destroying them so they are worthless. What can I do to make this move along quicker, and to protect the little I have?
Thank you for listening. I'm just so fustrated. My AH seems to be able to continue living his life, without interruption.
Z
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Your husband isn't being "allowed" to not answer questions. Your lawyer has filed a motion to compel. The court hasn't ruled yet, so he's not being "allowed" to do anything.
Your family court has, no doubt, hundreds or thousands of pending dissolution cases. I can appreciate how frustrated you are, but I seriously doubt your case is moving more slowly than others are.
Breathe. It takes as long as it takes. If he's spending marital assets, that will be factored into the final resolution.
Your family court has, no doubt, hundreds or thousands of pending dissolution cases. I can appreciate how frustrated you are, but I seriously doubt your case is moving more slowly than others are.
Breathe. It takes as long as it takes. If he's spending marital assets, that will be factored into the final resolution.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Originally Posted by dandylion 
Zircon....just curious---how much do you and your husband's lawyer talk with each other?
Z
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Originally Posted by dandylion
Zircon....lol.....I misunderstood when you said that his lawyer called y ou a thief in writing and slandered you.....I thought you meant that his lawyer sent y ou a letter. saying all that.
My AH'S attorney did sent me a letter through my attorney, calling me a thief, and demanding I return the stolen funds immediately.
Z
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Well, I wouldn't wish a divorce on the worst person I know. I'll never forget mine and it was 25 years ago. Although it seems at the time that things will never get settled, before too long it will be behind you.
Some as our neighbor will jump right back into yet another marriage and in short time be going through the exact same thing again. Be careful of rebounds.
Good luck,
M-Bob
Some as our neighbor will jump right back into yet another marriage and in short time be going through the exact same thing again. Be careful of rebounds.
Good luck,
M-Bob
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I know how you feel Z. This time last year I was gearing up for a court date with my ex after a freaking _year_ of back and forth, pointless mediation, totally intrusive discovery (on his part, he refused to answer a bunch of stuff we sent too). There were so, so many times I just wanted to be _done_ with the whole dang thing, that I would almost have agreed to anything if it would just be over.
Thankfully I had SR and Al Anon and a good support system to keep me strong and help me keep the faith. And when I finally did have that fabled "day in court" all the aggravating crap my ex and his lawyer tried to pull utterly backfired. They looked like absolute @$$es in front of the judge. I actually kind of felt sorry for his lawyer. My "welfare lawyer" (I had a Legal Aid attorney, which my ex ragged on me about, making a big deal about how expensive his awesome legal machinations were) and I made mincemeat of him. It was brutal. And my ex is probably still paying for that fiasco. That one day probably cost him a cool G, not to mention the hours they had to pay for poring over the hundreds of handwritten pages of my journals (intrusive discovery request).
So be of good cheer. And definitely take Mountainman's advice on the rebound thing.
Thankfully I had SR and Al Anon and a good support system to keep me strong and help me keep the faith. And when I finally did have that fabled "day in court" all the aggravating crap my ex and his lawyer tried to pull utterly backfired. They looked like absolute @$$es in front of the judge. I actually kind of felt sorry for his lawyer. My "welfare lawyer" (I had a Legal Aid attorney, which my ex ragged on me about, making a big deal about how expensive his awesome legal machinations were) and I made mincemeat of him. It was brutal. And my ex is probably still paying for that fiasco. That one day probably cost him a cool G, not to mention the hours they had to pay for poring over the hundreds of handwritten pages of my journals (intrusive discovery request).
So be of good cheer. And definitely take Mountainman's advice on the rebound thing.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Zircon, I'm frustrated on your behalf too. Your AH is behaving appallingly. Trust in your lawyer and the court system, because it will come out in the wash.
Make plans to build up your earning capacity and cut your immediate expenses (which I'm sure you've done). When I was living on a very limited income I gained some comfort by living in a frugal way, using my creativity to enhance my lifestyle.
Keep yourself fit, healthy and engaged and lower your expectations of your AH as low as they can go. Contrast your own mental and physical health with what he's doing to himself.
Make plans to build up your earning capacity and cut your immediate expenses (which I'm sure you've done). When I was living on a very limited income I gained some comfort by living in a frugal way, using my creativity to enhance my lifestyle.
Keep yourself fit, healthy and engaged and lower your expectations of your AH as low as they can go. Contrast your own mental and physical health with what he's doing to himself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Another Question
Hi,
I just received from my attorney some interrogaties I need to answer from my AH attorney.
Some of the questions, I don't understand why their asking them. Maybe some of you guys might have an idea why?
1.) they want all my job applications, any interviews I had, names of people that interviewed me since January 2012. I changed jobs in 2012, because the drive was getting to long for me. I took a position closer to home. Then in 2014, I had a brain hemorrhage, and it left me with some damage, so I applied for disability, and was awarded it in the beginning of 2015. Everything my AH knows. They are also asking for a copy of my resume. I don't have one anymore. I haven't worked in almost 2 years. Why would this be pertinent to the divorce,
2.) They also want any education, or training programs, certificate programs I have attended since January 2012.
Just wondering why they want that.
Any ideas??
Thank you
Z
I just received from my attorney some interrogaties I need to answer from my AH attorney.
Some of the questions, I don't understand why their asking them. Maybe some of you guys might have an idea why?
1.) they want all my job applications, any interviews I had, names of people that interviewed me since January 2012. I changed jobs in 2012, because the drive was getting to long for me. I took a position closer to home. Then in 2014, I had a brain hemorrhage, and it left me with some damage, so I applied for disability, and was awarded it in the beginning of 2015. Everything my AH knows. They are also asking for a copy of my resume. I don't have one anymore. I haven't worked in almost 2 years. Why would this be pertinent to the divorce,
2.) They also want any education, or training programs, certificate programs I have attended since January 2012.
Just wondering why they want that.
Any ideas??
Thank you
Z
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
I'm not a lawyer...
But isn't he withholding documents you've requested? A long time ago?
I'd drag my feet on responding to this or see if you can decline. One thing it took me a while to learn was that I didn't actually have to provide everything that was asked.
My cynical side says they're likely trying to prove you're underemployed or not trying to get a job--therefore wanting to impute the income you could earn based on your pre-2012 wages, to either irritate you or decrease the money you'd receive. I'm sorry that I forget--will you be receiving alimony/maintenance? That's the only thing (or child support) that I think it would be relevant for.
But it could also be just to irritate you and scare you. So I wouldn't worry too much about it, but I WOULD see if you actually have to provide it, and how little you can do to respond.
As a non-lawyer, that is...
But isn't he withholding documents you've requested? A long time ago?
I'd drag my feet on responding to this or see if you can decline. One thing it took me a while to learn was that I didn't actually have to provide everything that was asked.
My cynical side says they're likely trying to prove you're underemployed or not trying to get a job--therefore wanting to impute the income you could earn based on your pre-2012 wages, to either irritate you or decrease the money you'd receive. I'm sorry that I forget--will you be receiving alimony/maintenance? That's the only thing (or child support) that I think it would be relevant for.
But it could also be just to irritate you and scare you. So I wouldn't worry too much about it, but I WOULD see if you actually have to provide it, and how little you can do to respond.
As a non-lawyer, that is...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 193
Agree with Praying.
It sounds like they want to make a case for "impugning" income to you - basically asking that the courts consider what you COULD be making versus what you are making based on your qualifications and experience.
This could be used to reduce the amount that would be paid to you for either child support or maintenance.
I'm not sure how much of a case they would have if you have qualified for disability, however.
It sounds like they want to make a case for "impugning" income to you - basically asking that the courts consider what you COULD be making versus what you are making based on your qualifications and experience.
This could be used to reduce the amount that would be paid to you for either child support or maintenance.
I'm not sure how much of a case they would have if you have qualified for disability, however.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Questions about employment, or potential employment, is always relevant. Even though your husband knows the answers, they are entitled to have YOU answer them. These are considered "admissions" by you so they don't have to obtain other evidence.
I don't recommend dragging your feet just because he did. You're always much better off in court if YOU play by the rules, regardless of what the other side does. If there is something you truly object to (for instance, something that seriously invades your privacy or is incredibly burdensome to provide), let your lawyer know and s/he will tell you whether you have to provide it or whether there is a legal ground to object. If you no longer have your resume, that's all you have to say--that you don't have it any longer.
Don't EVER try to lie, though--as you said, he knows an awful lot and if they are able to catch you in a lie your credibility with the court will go WAY down.
I don't recommend dragging your feet just because he did. You're always much better off in court if YOU play by the rules, regardless of what the other side does. If there is something you truly object to (for instance, something that seriously invades your privacy or is incredibly burdensome to provide), let your lawyer know and s/he will tell you whether you have to provide it or whether there is a legal ground to object. If you no longer have your resume, that's all you have to say--that you don't have it any longer.
Don't EVER try to lie, though--as you said, he knows an awful lot and if they are able to catch you in a lie your credibility with the court will go WAY down.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
I would never lie. I just was curious why they wanted employment information on me. I am permanently disabled, due to a thalamic stroke cause by a brain hemorrhage. I worked a few years after my stroke, but as I got older, I really started to feel my damage on my right side. Also, I lost my vision in my right eye, and it became difficult to drive in the dark.
We aren't asking for alimony, and there aren't any children involved.
I just thought it odd that they were asking for that. I'm living right now on a very fixed income.
I probably could use alimony. I'm 6 years older than my AH, so he'll be working a few more years.
That's why I agreed to invest in the business we opened, and worked a day a week to help with the books.
I will give them all that they ask for in a timely manner. I don't have anything to hide.
I just had a thought. Do you think they might use the fact I was working in the business against me, even though I never received a paycheck. It was for only 3 months.
I would never lie. I just was curious why they wanted employment information on me. I am permanently disabled, due to a thalamic stroke cause by a brain hemorrhage. I worked a few years after my stroke, but as I got older, I really started to feel my damage on my right side. Also, I lost my vision in my right eye, and it became difficult to drive in the dark.
We aren't asking for alimony, and there aren't any children involved.
I just thought it odd that they were asking for that. I'm living right now on a very fixed income.
I probably could use alimony. I'm 6 years older than my AH, so he'll be working a few more years.
That's why I agreed to invest in the business we opened, and worked a day a week to help with the books.
I will give them all that they ask for in a timely manner. I don't have anything to hide.
I just had a thought. Do you think they might use the fact I was working in the business against me, even though I never received a paycheck. It was for only 3 months.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: northern california
Posts: 740
I filed in September of 2015 still waiting, it is all very stressful and not good for ones mental well being. It is the attorneys job to find out your net worth and take it all in fees if they can. It can drag on for years, sorry for the bummer news I hope yours is settled soon but divorce court is overcrowded to say the least.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I really, REALLY recommend that you not try to analyze all this. You have a lawyer to do that for you. Your lawyer knows your situation and will make the appropriate arguments at the appropriate time. This isn't "gotcha"--it is standard litigation procedure.
He's obligated to do the same and answer YOUR questions. I know he's dragged his feet, but once you provide yours and are still waiting on his, your position to complain is that much stronger.
He's obligated to do the same and answer YOUR questions. I know he's dragged his feet, but once you provide yours and are still waiting on his, your position to complain is that much stronger.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i have no legal experience, but i believe that your best plan is to meet every court ordered deadline on time, with all available information, cheerfully even, so there is a record of your responses and behaviors throughout this process.
you comply, he delays. that will become evident. the courts do not appreciate being dick'd around, especially for more minor cases.....i can't see how your short term, one day a week, "employment" in the business could be held against you .
that's future tripping....you will drive yourself simply mad trying to figure out the "Jenga" relationships between each movement or action. this is not likely to be settled this week or any time soon. while that is frustrating,
doesn't do anything but give you a big headache.
you comply, he delays. that will become evident. the courts do not appreciate being dick'd around, especially for more minor cases.....i can't see how your short term, one day a week, "employment" in the business could be held against you .
that's future tripping....you will drive yourself simply mad trying to figure out the "Jenga" relationships between each movement or action. this is not likely to be settled this week or any time soon. while that is frustrating,
doesn't do anything but give you a big headache.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Me Again
Hi,
I have provided them with everything they have asked for in a timely manner. I just got these interrogaties in the mail today. I have to have them in the mail by this Friday. I intend to answer each question truthfully. I agree, that delaying, or refusing to answer the questions, will just send up red flags to the court. Also my lawyer stated to answer the questions, and he would be putting it in legal language, and making any motions necessary. I just was wondering why my AH, and attorney was asking these kinds of questions. It's funny, my lawyer send the questions for my AH to answer last April, and they are just now asking me to answer questions.
Yes, everyone here is right. I need to stop overthinking this!! I have nothing to hide! I think I'm just a little overly sensitive, because the last encounter I had in court with my AH'S lawyer, she used my disability in court. And she sent me a letter, that actually stated I was a thief.
All I want is what is fair.
I'll try in the future not to over think it, and let some of this go!!
I have so much to be thankful for. I am in a safe place. I have my dogs with me, have a very supportive family, and a few close friends. My life is different now,but so peaceful. The key word here is, it is now my life.
Thank you all so much for your advice and support!
Z
I have provided them with everything they have asked for in a timely manner. I just got these interrogaties in the mail today. I have to have them in the mail by this Friday. I intend to answer each question truthfully. I agree, that delaying, or refusing to answer the questions, will just send up red flags to the court. Also my lawyer stated to answer the questions, and he would be putting it in legal language, and making any motions necessary. I just was wondering why my AH, and attorney was asking these kinds of questions. It's funny, my lawyer send the questions for my AH to answer last April, and they are just now asking me to answer questions.
Yes, everyone here is right. I need to stop overthinking this!! I have nothing to hide! I think I'm just a little overly sensitive, because the last encounter I had in court with my AH'S lawyer, she used my disability in court. And she sent me a letter, that actually stated I was a thief.
All I want is what is fair.
I'll try in the future not to over think it, and let some of this go!!
I have so much to be thankful for. I am in a safe place. I have my dogs with me, have a very supportive family, and a few close friends. My life is different now,but so peaceful. The key word here is, it is now my life.
Thank you all so much for your advice and support!
Z
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
