Ok one minute, sad and depressed the next
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Join Date: Oct 2016
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Ok one minute, sad and depressed the next
I am only 1 1/2 months out from my AXBF up and leaving me after 5 years. And I found out he's with someone. And I'm pretty sure they were talking while we were still together.
I found out about his addiction just a few months before he left. I knew he took pain pills here and there for his chronic pain and knew for a couple years. But I didn't realize to what extent. He'd apparently been using them off/on the whole 5 years. The past two years were the worst according to him.
I'm still processing this addiction, his actions during the relationship, lies, etc. I'm seeing a therapist and I notice I feel better after talking to her, or my dad, or my friends who know about his addiction. This feeling is only temporary and when I'm back home by myself the thoughts and obsessing start again. I try to analyze everything he did, said etc trying to figure out if things he said were lies and things he did were because of the addiction. Wondering if he ever really loved me. I obsess over the fact he's with someone else. When I get like that sometimes I can stop, most of the time I can't seem to. It's driving me crazy. Is this normal? I feel insane.
I found out about his addiction just a few months before he left. I knew he took pain pills here and there for his chronic pain and knew for a couple years. But I didn't realize to what extent. He'd apparently been using them off/on the whole 5 years. The past two years were the worst according to him.
I'm still processing this addiction, his actions during the relationship, lies, etc. I'm seeing a therapist and I notice I feel better after talking to her, or my dad, or my friends who know about his addiction. This feeling is only temporary and when I'm back home by myself the thoughts and obsessing start again. I try to analyze everything he did, said etc trying to figure out if things he said were lies and things he did were because of the addiction. Wondering if he ever really loved me. I obsess over the fact he's with someone else. When I get like that sometimes I can stop, most of the time I can't seem to. It's driving me crazy. Is this normal? I feel insane.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 88
Your not insane...... It hasn't been a long enough time for you to fully process your emotions. I can't imagine how it feels to go through an addiction with a partner and then after all of that hurt.... You've found out he's started a relationship with someone new (probably while you were together) and now your left to pick up the pieces.... It's not fair, not one ounce of It. Trust and believe me he will be soon repeating the same crappy treatment you received with this new girl...... Leopards hardly change their spots. Everything may seem grand and amazing now but soon she will learn the sad reality that your ex is an addict and she too will find herself sitting in your shoes! I'm so sorry you find yourself going through this and I know the pain of losing someone we never thought we'd lose (whether to drugs or to another girl) either way..... We lost them. Take care of yourself first, reconnect with friends and family and do what makes you smile!
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Join Date: Oct 2016
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Originally Posted by Nelly1 
Trust and believe me he will be soon repeating the same crappy treatment you received with this new girl...... Leopards hardly change their spots. Everything may seem grand and amazing now but soon she will learn the sad reality that your ex is an addict and she too will find herself sitting in your shoes!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
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xraychick,
Read through posts from other women on here. You'll see you're not alone. Sometimes I wish there was some sort of search function on this forum, so if we wanted to read posts from wives of opiate addicts, or women whose addict boyfriend left them for another woman, etc., we could. But if you stick around long enough you'll see. The stories are all the same- we worry that he'll finally clean up for HER and live out the fantasy that was once ours. And addicts do move on quickly- they need someone to help fund their lifestyle and take on all the responsibilities they've set aside. But their rebound relationships rarely ever pan out, and they put their new partner through just as much if not more pain than they did us.
It just takes time, that's all there is to it. Have faith that you are right where you need to be at this very moment.
Blessings.
Read through posts from other women on here. You'll see you're not alone. Sometimes I wish there was some sort of search function on this forum, so if we wanted to read posts from wives of opiate addicts, or women whose addict boyfriend left them for another woman, etc., we could. But if you stick around long enough you'll see. The stories are all the same- we worry that he'll finally clean up for HER and live out the fantasy that was once ours. And addicts do move on quickly- they need someone to help fund their lifestyle and take on all the responsibilities they've set aside. But their rebound relationships rarely ever pan out, and they put their new partner through just as much if not more pain than they did us.
It just takes time, that's all there is to it. Have faith that you are right where you need to be at this very moment.
Blessings.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by xraychick01
Deep down I know this is probably true. Why can't I just get it? My fear is that he'll sober up and become this perfect man with her. How ridiculous is that thought?! Why do I even care? While I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about him coming back, I know if that ever were to happen I could never be happy again. He stole that and my trust.
anyone who's had an addict spouse has considered leaving.... Every single one of these people has thought "what if he gets sober for HER and she gets the white picket fence and the gorgeous kids and the fairytale" ....... The chances of that happening are about 1out of 1,000,000..... And if he did somehow become that rare one percent that turned his life around, that doesn't take away what he's done to you or the chaos and pain he brought into your life and if he does get normal... Truly sober enough to live this fairytale, he will still have to live with what he's done to you.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
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You are sad and grieving not only the loss of your SO, but the loss of trust you had in him, and the loss of the life you hoped to have. That's a lot! Keep seeing a therapist if you can. A good one will help you find clarity. It's okay to be sad, to feel the feelings. It will pass in time, and you will realize that the addict in your life has given you a great gift: life without an addict in it.
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