Redheadsusie

does it surprise me yes- should it no... We were having a conversation about separation agreement so we don't pay attorneys everything and when he heard I was just not going to walk away from the house I have paid the mortgage on for the past 8 years - he flipped - said he paid the down payment ( from when he sold a house) so he should get all of the equity. I paid the mortgage he said totally willingly and we were married so that was expected but he wanted 100% of his down payment back- maybe that is true - maybe he will get that - we were married at the time we bought - but he gave his money to his parents who then paid the down payment - very calculated now that I look back. Anyway- he then started about since he does not make money now- quick working full time a year and a half ago- his choice and just does odd jobs now and pays no taxes - that the law is on his side and he will be pursuing alimony and half of what savings I have and he even mentioned my car that I just bought since we have been apart - I put a big chunk down - he has 2 cars already and a very expensive boat ( boat is his only payment) and lives with his parents for free. What decent man would go after a wife - a realtor who works her ass off - for alimony and her hard earned money that has supported our family and now pays for the house that has his name on it. We have no kids - What judge would grant that? I just had to write it down- I am not throwing money at attorneys - his folks will pay his - but not giving that piece of **** alimony I tell you that. WTF?

Nata1980

I'd consult an attorney.....you then can probably arrive at a formula. Especially if there is a bit of equity by now.

My XAH threatened to go after alimony and custody - but when it came to it he realized he had no case. And he did not fight me.

Sounds like he was willingly underemployed (no kids in the picture).

Good luck!

redatlanta

I think of you persist in refusal to obtain legal representation you will reap what you sew..

He could have a possible claim for alimony.

He is an uncooperative drunk.

You really need to consult with an attorney and see that this fool (or maybe not) is entitled to.

Don't you be the fool.

Redheadsusie

I agree thank you for the advice- I will make an appointment.

maia1234

Susie,
In my area, the first meeting with a divorce attorney is free. I would reach out and ask them when you make an appointment. Go in with a million questions and see if they can answer your questions.

You are a commission based salary so you don't get a pay check every week to "share". I can't believe a judge would give him a percentage of that. He is an able body male that chooses not to work. I am sure they take that into consideration.

Educate our self and find out what you are legally entitled too!!

AnvilheadII

not surprised at all........the guy has been backstroking past the pond scum for YEARS. it's time to quit thinking he will ever be:

a) Rational
b)Sensible
c) Empathetic
d) Concerned about YOU in the least

sorry, you will need an attorney. it is time to stop talking to him about your plans. stop.now. you're just handing him ammunition. it isn't going to be nice and friendly and amicable.

Lilro

Hi Suz!

Get yourself an attorney. I know you don't want to go that route but unfortunately it looks like you have a bully on your hands. No need to talk to him about who gets what and what goes where... That's what attorneys are for! Make the appointment and do it! And alimony??? Bwah hahahahahaha. Please!

Refiner

Not sure why any of this is a surprise to be quite honest. I would lawyer up big time and get things done on YOUR terms fair and square. You will most likely lose more than him in the long run than what seems "fair". But better to chop the losses and MOVE ON.

LexieCat

You do NOT want to negotiate a divorce settlement on your own--with no legal advice--with someone who is represented by a lawyer. How can you know whether you are getting a good deal or a bad one--or whether your claims (or his) are reasonable or unreasonable--without knowing what a court would probably award if you can't agree?

FeelingGreat

Hi I second everyone else's advice that you need to get some representation or you'll never know whether you're being ripped off.

At one point I had that attitude that we could negotiate it all ourselves, but using a lawyer was extremely cost effective in the end. You don't have to have a knock down conflict if you're willing to compromise, but you need to know your entitlements and the court usually follows a formula regarding who paid for who.

Agree your STBXAH is behaving badly, but really, would you want to be back relying on mummy and daddy at his age?

velma929

1. Get an attorney.

2. I would imagine the IRS might be very interested in how he pays for cars and a boat with no income.

His parents made the down payment? Interesting. In our mortgages, the bank wanted proof that we could pay that ourselves.

FLCamper

Susie, I think judge's are sympathetic, but still have to abide by the state laws. Florida, is abolishing alimony - I was a stay at home Mom for 12 years but only got 18 mos of alimony amd my Ex was pretty cooperative.
I agree with everyone else - take care of yourself and see legal council. He sounds pretty calculating and sneaky. And he is surely taking care of himself - you do the same.

Tinyhouse

I just went through this and here's how it ended...

I talked to many attorneys using the free consultation. This was so I could ask lots of questions for free, and in hopes that they could then not be able to represent my husband.

Every one of them said to do whatever it took to avoid alimony. In my case it was a long marriage, he wasn't working, and I make a good living. He also had a shot at permanent alimony because of his "disability" of alcoholism.

I ended up getting a paralegal to do all the paperwork for a few hundred dollars and my husband and I worked everything out. It was awful but I kept pointing out that money to lawyers meant less to split between us. I still have to pay him what seems like a ridiculous amount, plus he's taking a lot of our assets, but no alimony and in the end I came out with a deal I can live with. He also got his needs met so it was ok.

I think you can do more than you think on your own, research, learn your states laws, etc BUT If he has a lawyer, you need one. Period.

"Saving money" or being stubborn will cost so much more in the long run.

Also, don't be shocked if he goes after you for his atty fees.

I'm sorry and Good luck