Rupert

Has anyone else in early recovery had the brilliant idea of wanting one more night of drinking for old time's sake? I recently told myself after being sober for only like a week or so that I would drink on my birthday, then call it quits. I bought a six pack of my favorite beer and put it in the fridge for that occasion. One day goes by and I drank them, of course, then probably another 6-10 after making my room mate drive me back to the store. I want to be done, guys. My birthday is in about five days and I want to be sober for it. This "one last time" nonsense is so ridiculous and I know that. I'm just looking for a little encouragement and some wise words. I know the time to quit is now, but that little voice in my head tells me otherwise. Ugh, sorry guys. I know this seems like a no-brainer but I am struggling here.

Noolan

No, your reason for relapse after the fact rarely makes sense. I've been there with months of sober time and all the sudden:"how will I not drink on my wedding day, see I can't do this", googling alcoholics that recover and return to normal drinking 100x times, etc. What I took from failing all those times was finally, unequivocally I cannot drink or use, ever. Period.

Relapse is part of the process and an important one if you learn from the mistake and keep pressing forward.

Dee74

I've shared the story here several times of how I went out for a night off from recovery in 2004...and didn't stop drinking again until 2007.

The sooner you can stop drinking the easier it will be Rupert.

D

Soberpotamus

I got sober the first time at age 27, drank again at age 28 and spent about 8 more years stopping and starting.

There's just no guarantee of anything once you drink again. So many of us here are lucky to be alive typing on this forum.

PurpleKnight

My last 1 nights would always lead to over a week long binge, the withdrawals and the hangovers simply got worse.

Draw a line under it TODAY, that's the only way I was able to get off the merry-go-round!!

You can do this!!

teatreeoil007

Why not celebrate your birthday with a few more sober days under your belt? What a wonderful gift to give yourself.

Bubovski

That mad voice crying in the wilderness is very potent.
Far too quickly we can forget the miseries of drinking.
For some AA provides on going motivation to remain sober.
Another option is daily meditating and mindfulness of our foe.

january161992

check out saturday nite live at bascom/ union

friday night has a great speaker meeting at 8pm

tekink

This time I quit 3 days before my birthday. I've already gone down that road you describe, it typically leads to me drinking morning until night for months.

Lightning Bug

I hit rock bottom so hard I under up with a concussion and a vacation in the psych ward. No drink will ever put me there again. I don't care if the Queen commanded me to drink. I don't care if the tax man said drink and all taxes are forgiven. I don't care if Ben Browder told me he would marry me if I would have just one. Incidently, Ben Browder is an unappreciated hottie from Farscape. Rent that series and forget all about the booze.

Algorithm

What that little voice doesn't tell you is that it will always be 'now', no matter what day it is. When you log on here tomorrow, it will also be 'now'. When your birthday actually comes around, it will also be 'now'.

So why not quit for good now? It's not only the best time to quit, it's the only time that you can quit.

Think about it.

Misc72

It's never a no-brainer. Good for you for being on here.

Delilah1

Hi Rupert,

Glad you are back again. I agree with everyone above, stop now and enjoy your birthday with a few sober days under your belt.

What have you tried in terms of recovery? SR is my biggest support, and I check in here a few times a day, even if it is only for a few minutes. During my first few days/weeks I spent several hours on here a day. I also use exercise, mindfulness, and reading both recovery, and non-recovery related books as a support.

Do whatever it takes not to go to the store to buy beer, make sure you have some good substitute drinks. I love iced water with lemon, green tea, and during the day I still drink too much diet soda.

I tried many times in the past to quit and kept attempting moderation again. Last NYE I decided I was done, and that 2016 would be my first of many sober years. I approached sobriety through the lens of getting healthy. I have just about nine and a half months sober, and no desire to start drinking again. Life is still crazy and stressful, it so much better sober.

You can do this, you just really have to want it and commit to the fact that you no longer drink.

Rupert

Thanks Delilah. I have tried AA before and will again but I am going to do SMART recovery to see if I like it better. I exercise and have ordered a couple books, not about addiction specifically but about success in life in general. I did not like therapy and know that getting actual meds for my anxiety/depression is just swapping one addiction for another so those are not part of the plan. I need to get healthy in a natural way. I guess my question is... are these thoughts of wanting to drink again one more time normal in early recovery? I don't know if this makes sense. I really am not asking for permission to drink or anything like that. I just want to understand why I am thinking this way. I know deep down that I DO NOT want to drink and deal with the negative consequences one more time. I have been watching videos about addiction and reading all day and I guess the thought of making a real commitment to getting sober again is scaring me and making me think irrationally. I have heard people talk about the AV. Is this what they mean? Jeez, I'm rambling.

August252015

Relapse does not have to be part of the process.

You have to decide to quit for good, full stop.

Then, you develop a plan - or just start with one, say AA.

What's the plan?

The reality is: you can have another drinking birthday, or you can have a sober one. And probably many more to come - of the latter. You do not know IF you will get another chance to stop drinking except this one.

Your call.

Algorithm

Yes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you simply because you have the desire to drink. This is perfectly normal.

You are ambivalent (of two minds) about drinking, and therefore addicted, or perhaps the other way around. Either way, they amount to the same thing.

You want to drink, but not get into trouble by drinking, so you also don't want to drink. Perhaps there are two of you?

Do you remember the first time you dove off a diving board into the pool as a child? Do you remember the fear you felt before you took the leap of faith into the water?

When you think about quitting drinking for good, it feels kind of like that, no? Like jumping off the diving board for the first time as a child?

Do you remember also that there was no more fear once you actually dove into the water? That the second, third, fourth, fifth time, etc, were relatively easy?

This is the same kind of thing. Baseless fear.

Yes, although usually they think that AV only means a little voice in their head that tells them to go get a drink. They often don't catch on to all of its more subtle variations.

Addictive Voice (AV) = Any thinking, imagery, or feeling that supports, or even suggests, any possible future use of alcohol and other drugs -- ever.

Obviously, the fear of quitting drinking for good supports and suggests more drinking in the future, and is therefore Addictive Voice. You may discover in time that much of your thinking is actually AV.

least

I beg to differ. Relapse is part of addiction, not the process of recovery. Relapse happens a lot, but is not required to get sober for good.

Delilah1

You aren't rambling at all. I did the just one more drink too many times to count, and of course it was never just one. Many times in the past I would think "I have that party/graduation/wedding.. " coming up, I will stop after that. The problem was there was always another event. Truthfully, I used to justify the end of the work day as an event to be celebrated with a glass of wine.

I think your description of AV is definitely what they mean. I think the SMART meetings sound like a good idea. I have gone to a few in the past. I also think reading about success in life is great.

Reading your posts it is obvious you want to stop drinking. You absolutely can do this. Have you joined the October thread? Are you checking in on the 24 hour thread? If not, why don't you do both as an added layer of support.

I know you can do this!

❤️ Delilah

uncorked

Hey Rupert, of course it's normal to want to keep drinking! Didn't we all? It really is hard. I went to inpatient rehab for 7 weeks and once I had that much sobriety under my belt, I didn't want to blow it. So I'm almost a year sober now. You will probably always have thoughts of drinking, it's dealing with those thoughts that makes the difference between relapse and recovery. Oh, and I don't agree that anti-depressants are addictive -- at least not medically. Maybe you were speaking of benzos like xanax/valium?

CajunPrincess

I absolutely have thought the same thing.
"Maybe if I just let myself go this one last time just to get it out of the system" or something similar along those lines. I'm not sure if that last binge ever really gets rid of the itch though... so I'm continuing to truck along with my sobriety