Need advice. 27 days today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Santa Barbara, SoCal
Posts: 561
Need advice. 27 days today
Good morning.
I'm getting really nervous about my best friends wedding. I am the maid of honor so it's already a lot of pressure.
Between the actual wedding and the reception (locations are about an hour apart) they will be renting a party bus. I have talked to the bride and asked her if I could skip the party bus and drive there.
As suspected, her feelings are hurt. She doesn't understand my alcoholism and since she is pregnant she isn't drinking either.
However, I get really uncomfortable around big groups of people. This is a reason why I drank. Its hard enough sitting through a dinner when everyone is drinking champagne, which I love, but it's a completely different story to board a party bus where the only objective is to drink and dance.
I don't want to stress out the bride any more than she is. And I feel stupid that it's even an issue. As she says, it's only an hour that I would be on the bus and can't I get it together for just an hour?
I'm at 27 days today. Any advice or similar stories would be appreciated
I'm getting really nervous about my best friends wedding. I am the maid of honor so it's already a lot of pressure.
Between the actual wedding and the reception (locations are about an hour apart) they will be renting a party bus. I have talked to the bride and asked her if I could skip the party bus and drive there.
As suspected, her feelings are hurt. She doesn't understand my alcoholism and since she is pregnant she isn't drinking either.
However, I get really uncomfortable around big groups of people. This is a reason why I drank. Its hard enough sitting through a dinner when everyone is drinking champagne, which I love, but it's a completely different story to board a party bus where the only objective is to drink and dance.
I don't want to stress out the bride any more than she is. And I feel stupid that it's even an issue. As she says, it's only an hour that I would be on the bus and can't I get it together for just an hour?
I'm at 27 days today. Any advice or similar stories would be appreciated
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi Jade, first, congratulations on your time sober!
You're going to get a lot of people here who will ask how important your sobriety is to you. That if this girl is your best friend that she'll understand and if she doesn't maybe you aren't as close as you thought you were.
Then..................there is reality. We all come up against these situations but I think you have a little key here.
Since this is your best friend I am assuming that she knows you're sober. She also isn't drinking due to her pregnancy. Can you have an honest conversation with her and explain how hard this will be for you and that you'll do it but only under one condition? That you are sober together. I'm also assuming that you're concerned about others bugging you about not drinking? So get her to put her ball in your court. You're not drinking in support of her not being able to drink. She backs you up. Who even cares if it's not the complete truth? I actually see this as something that could bring you two even closer.
Just a thought of how it could be handled. It should be your secret as best friends that she is helping to safeguard you.
On the other hand, if you don't think that will work then you truly shouldn't get on that bus under any circumstance.
I hope this helps.
You're going to get a lot of people here who will ask how important your sobriety is to you. That if this girl is your best friend that she'll understand and if she doesn't maybe you aren't as close as you thought you were.
Then..................there is reality. We all come up against these situations but I think you have a little key here.
Since this is your best friend I am assuming that she knows you're sober. She also isn't drinking due to her pregnancy. Can you have an honest conversation with her and explain how hard this will be for you and that you'll do it but only under one condition? That you are sober together. I'm also assuming that you're concerned about others bugging you about not drinking? So get her to put her ball in your court. You're not drinking in support of her not being able to drink. She backs you up. Who even cares if it's not the complete truth? I actually see this as something that could bring you two even closer.
Just a thought of how it could be handled. It should be your secret as best friends that she is helping to safeguard you.
On the other hand, if you don't think that will work then you truly shouldn't get on that bus under any circumstance.
I hope this helps.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Girl, that IS a tough one and I can only imagine how torn you must feel right now but I do believe there is a time where we HAVE to do whats best for us, regardless of whether anyone else gets mad or hurt or whatever.
Our sobriety and recovery HAS to be number one over everything else- for without we have or will lose everything!
I say stick to your guns. Drive yourself. Be safe. Dont tempt fate.
Shes obviously one of your best friends. She might get mad initially but she will get over it.
Our sobriety and recovery HAS to be number one over everything else- for without we have or will lose everything!
I say stick to your guns. Drive yourself. Be safe. Dont tempt fate.
Shes obviously one of your best friends. She might get mad initially but she will get over it.
EnjoyingTheJourney
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,847
Focus on that handsome young man in your avatar. He'll be in your life FOREVER plus your Life is so Precious!
I've been in 8 weddings and served as maid of honor in 6 of those weddings. 30 plus years later, I remain best friends with ONE and a pretty good friend with another. The others have come and gone. I too drank because social situations make me nervous and I wanted to fit in.
27 days is awesome Jade, hang tough!! If she's a true friend, she'll let you pass on the party bus. You can still provide the support of a maid of honor in many other ways. Take care....
I've been in 8 weddings and served as maid of honor in 6 of those weddings. 30 plus years later, I remain best friends with ONE and a pretty good friend with another. The others have come and gone. I too drank because social situations make me nervous and I wanted to fit in.
27 days is awesome Jade, hang tough!! If she's a true friend, she'll let you pass on the party bus. You can still provide the support of a maid of honor in many other ways. Take care....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Santa Barbara, SoCal
Posts: 561
Thanks for the responses! I don't think I'll get on the party bus. Some days I feel strong and others I don't.
For example, today, for whatever reason, I feel like if someone offers me a drink I will take it. Or if my bf granted me "permission" to drink I definitely would.
I am obviously unstable at this point and I think it's too early in my recovery to have tipsy bridesmaids offer me champagne on a party bus haha
For example, today, for whatever reason, I feel like if someone offers me a drink I will take it. Or if my bf granted me "permission" to drink I definitely would.
I am obviously unstable at this point and I think it's too early in my recovery to have tipsy bridesmaids offer me champagne on a party bus haha
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
10 years from now, when your friend looks back on her wedding day, she will not remember, or care, that you drove yourself to the reception.
Drive yourself. It'll be fine.
And congratulations on the 27 days. You are doing great. Keep it up!
Drive yourself. It'll be fine.
And congratulations on the 27 days. You are doing great. Keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Tulsa
Posts: 44
I give you basically the same advice as the others who have responded. If she is your friend she will understand.
You just tell her "I'm 27 days sober and want to stay that way. I love you dearly but the temptation of the party bus might be too much for me. I hope you understand, but I will drive myself and see you there. Have a great time."
It's easier than you think.
You just tell her "I'm 27 days sober and want to stay that way. I love you dearly but the temptation of the party bus might be too much for me. I hope you understand, but I will drive myself and see you there. Have a great time."
It's easier than you think.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I've often said that early sobriety requires some selfishness. The focus needs to be on yourself and living a sober life. I would say if your sobriety is a very high priority for you, the decision will be easier to make. I think you've already stated you will avoid the bus....good choice.
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