brightlight

I have heard words here like he is another person, he is evil, he is crazy, he is insane, he is like two different people. I have been wondering what people thought about alcoholism years ago before everything is a disease. Alcohol was called spirits. Could it be take when you open yourself up to evil then evil gets in and if you do not fight the evil it can take over. I heard once from a Priest that a Ouji board was dangerous because you opened yourself up to demons by asking the questions. He said it was like crossing a four lane highway daily to get your mail and you make it across everyday, but one day get hit. My husband not only starts drinking, but listening to rock and roll music. When he quit for seven years it was because he was reading the Bible daily and he burned all his music because he said he was evil and did not want anybody else to have it. Just a strange feeling I have because our son wants him to say prayers at meals and at bedtime and he just seems to dread it anymore and when he cusses he uses the Lord's name in vein, which is something he used to never do. Just a thought.

ASpouse

I don't understand the question really. This is the type of thinking that gets us CoDe's in trouble. Trying to make sense out of something that does not make sense, trying to justify it, trying to tuck it safely away and give it a "name".

Alcoholism is a disease. It is a disease of the mind and of the soul in some cases. You should be spending your time getting yourself well, going to meetings instead of "obsessing" on the "why's and whynots" of your husbands problem.

I can drink and drink and drink alcohol ...... I am not an alcoholic. I can share a bottle of Vodka with a friend one night and never have the desire or need to touch it again for six months.

You are typical of CoDe behavior ...... trying to find a reason, trying to figure it out, trying to find an answer that you can grasp onto to help him. You cannot help him, only he can help himself.

If he dreads praying before dinner, don't ask him. You do it if it's an important ritual before each meal. God does not require the "man of house" pray before the evening meal, and that prayer as I've been taught is to be thankful for the gifts of God. It doesn't seem your husband has much to be thankful for.

kfa2004

ASpouse - Those are very wise words. Thank you I needed those today.

Hugs
Kat

brightlight

Never thought of that.

best

Brightlight

As far as him being the spiritual leader of the household and your son needing and wanting that. You can still request of him to do so.
Honey will you say the prayer before the meal? If you take over and do it, he will continue to let you.
Don't hold any expectations to him doing anything you request but I would still request.
If he is unable or unwilling... at that point (without giving excuses) you could ask your son to say the meal prayer. With that you would be showing him (your son) what is right and letting him practice what is right and good.
Don't make excuses for your AH. Don't cover up for him... but do fill in in areas where he is lacking for the sake of your son.
No words towards him would be needed. Your actions will speak volumes and your prayers will as well.
Honey will you say prayers with..... and if he is not able or willing.
Just a flat smile as you get up and do the prayers with your son.
Your actions will speak volumes as you show your son what is right and good.

constant

Hey Brightlight.....even though it appears that you were shot down in your thinking...I have to say that I believe there is validity to what you are saying. Alcoholism is a desease BUT those of us that ARE NOT addicts will do things when drinking that we would not normally do. Wrong things....use bad judgement. I would say that it is evil.....it is always looking for a way to slip into our lives without us noticing and when you drink your guard is down....your awareness is decreased. Alcohol is widely acceptable, so what better way to lead people astray than with intoxication. How many people do you know that consume alcohol that have NEVER done something they wished they hadn't while intoxicated? How many felt guilty....or still do about something that they did do? Something that causes undesirable behavior and continued guilt about that behavior is evil.......we are supposed to love ourselves and others.....that is hard to do when you are carrying around guilt and shame.

With that being said, I also have to agree with the others that your focus should be on yourself.....you cannot "solve" his problems for him....nor can you point them out because he will not listen. He will see it when he is ready. You can step in and say prayer if necessary....or your son. We lead others by setting the example.....not by forcing or guilting. I would imagine that your husband knows what he is doing and has a daily battle with himself.....no need for you to point it out too.

Prayers to your family......Constant

JessicaNAJ

I've said for years that my AH is two different people. The person I love (who don't drink) and the person I hate (who does drink). I said I don't hate him, I hate his alcoholism. I've come to realize, everyone has a choice. He is making the choice to pick up the bottle and not the bible and he makes that choice when he's not drinking. You cannot sway his choices only he can do that.

You know, just this morning I told my son that Alcohol was the Devil's drink. Alcohol control's and alcoholic. If you let it in, only you have the power to overcome its driven forces.

My husband is an alcoholic. He is powerless over alcohol. Even with all the justifying I've tried to do, bottom line, he's still an alcoholic. Alcohol has taken over him whether he's drinking or not.

brightlight

Thanks everybody. I am doing the detachment thing and he is never here now for supper much and no prayer has been said. He does say the prayer at night, if he is not out. I am doing the Bible story reading for them and getting ready to start taking them to Church.

tootiefish

Good for you, girl! You're taking charge. I'm proud of you.

(I'm also an MT, so we have that in common. At least I think I saw somewhere on the site where you said you did medical transcription.)