Newbie here...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 11
Newbie here...
Hello out there. I'm new to the forum, and obviously needed to let my story out there somewhere which is why I sought out this site.
I am in a relationship with an alcoholic. We live together, and even own a business together. Unfortunately her drinking has taken many turns for the worse. She started off drinking wine maybe a glass or two here and there, that progressed into a bottle here and there, to a bottle a day, to two bottles a day... This is where things got ugly. I had begun to notice the alcoholic behavior and mentioned it to her. So then she began to secretly buy vodka and pour it into water bottles to disguise it. She would begin drinking the moment she woke up, and continue until she was passed out by the early evening. But drinking that much alcohol for such a small woman took its toll. One night she started to complain about pains in her stomach, the pain got worse and worse until I ended up taking her to the emergency room at 4am. She was diagnosed with a sever acute pancreatitis, and kept in the hospital for a week under observation. I slept in that hospital room, and couldn't leave her side, I loved her. She would cry in the hospital bed and swear she was going to never drink again, and I believed her. Well, she got out of the hospital and within 2 days was back at it. Consuming alcohol from morning to night, hiding it very well. Well I loved her so much that I felt the need to protect her, save her, from herself if that makes sense. So I began to find her stash of alcohol and dump it out.. Big mistake. I didn't know at the time that trying to control your SO drinking was pointless, and damaging to a relationship. But alas, that was what I thought was right at the time. That did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING POSITIVE. She drank just as much, if not more.. And now resented me for trying to take away something that she loved so much. A few more months down the line, she had another horrible pain in her side and it was back to the emergency room, low and behold it was acute pancreatitis again. She was kept in the hospital for another week and a half, where I witnessed doctors come into the room and tell her that she was going to die. Not a matter of IF but a matter of WHEN. Her pancreas was shutting down from the enormous alcohol consumption. Miraculously she recovered and we were able to go back home. At this point, I had talked to a friend who had struggled with substance abuse, and had overcome his addiction. He suggested an outpatient facility in the area that had worked for him. So I brought it up to her and she was willing to give it a shot. She voluntarily made that call to the facility and enrolled. She stopped drinking and started attending the outpatient, about a week went by and one night I woke up to a loud thump. I walked into the kitchen and found her laying on the floor. She got up and looked at me extremely confused. She could barely form a sentence and had a thousand yard stare about her. Immediately my mind assumed the worst. I thought she had been secretly drinking and had passed out or fallen because she was so drunk, it wouldn't have been the first time. But as I sat with her at the table trying to talk to her to figure it out, her eyes rolled back into her head. Her body contorted to what I can only describe her practically bending backward like a fish. She was having a seizure from alcohol withdrawal. I immediately jumped across the table and wrapped her up in my arms. Watching her have that seizure was the most terrifying moment of my life. I felt completely powerless, I watched in horror as the woman I loved convulsed violently in my arms for what seemed to last forever. Tears ran down my face as I held her, stroked her hair and whispered to her to come back to me. She eventually stopped and I was so terrified of what might happen next that I dialed 911. The fire Dept showed up and evaluated her and decided it was best to take her to the hospital. At the hospital she had 2 more violent seizures, I can only be grateful that she was in the presence of trained medical professionals at the time. While I sat there a tremendous guilt came over me. I had jumped to the conclusion she was drinking, when in reality she wasn't. She was trying to sober up and was suffering the consequences. She was released from the hospital 24 hours later and we went home. At this point, I thought her drinking was coming to an end.. I was wrong.. Again..
Within a week the alcohol had ahold of her again, she was in and out of treatment, AA meetings, and sober living homes, but couldn't shake the drinking...
Fast forward two years, she is still drinking everyday. I am scared for her life, and to make things worse she has recently become abusive. Not physically, but emotionally. In the past few weeks by the end of the day she is drunk, and will pick fights with me. She will say absurd things that have absolutely no relevance, things that literally make about as much sense as a snorkel on an octopus. I am at a complete loss of words. I do not know what to do. I have stuck by her side, supported her through everything. I have encouraged her to get treatment, driven her to and from AA meetings, held her during seizures, slept in the hospital rooms with her. I don't want to give up on her, but I'm losing hope. And now I am here on this forum telling you about it. If anyone out there took the time to read this and has anything helpful to tell me, I'm all ears.
I am in a relationship with an alcoholic. We live together, and even own a business together. Unfortunately her drinking has taken many turns for the worse. She started off drinking wine maybe a glass or two here and there, that progressed into a bottle here and there, to a bottle a day, to two bottles a day... This is where things got ugly. I had begun to notice the alcoholic behavior and mentioned it to her. So then she began to secretly buy vodka and pour it into water bottles to disguise it. She would begin drinking the moment she woke up, and continue until she was passed out by the early evening. But drinking that much alcohol for such a small woman took its toll. One night she started to complain about pains in her stomach, the pain got worse and worse until I ended up taking her to the emergency room at 4am. She was diagnosed with a sever acute pancreatitis, and kept in the hospital for a week under observation. I slept in that hospital room, and couldn't leave her side, I loved her. She would cry in the hospital bed and swear she was going to never drink again, and I believed her. Well, she got out of the hospital and within 2 days was back at it. Consuming alcohol from morning to night, hiding it very well. Well I loved her so much that I felt the need to protect her, save her, from herself if that makes sense. So I began to find her stash of alcohol and dump it out.. Big mistake. I didn't know at the time that trying to control your SO drinking was pointless, and damaging to a relationship. But alas, that was what I thought was right at the time. That did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING POSITIVE. She drank just as much, if not more.. And now resented me for trying to take away something that she loved so much. A few more months down the line, she had another horrible pain in her side and it was back to the emergency room, low and behold it was acute pancreatitis again. She was kept in the hospital for another week and a half, where I witnessed doctors come into the room and tell her that she was going to die. Not a matter of IF but a matter of WHEN. Her pancreas was shutting down from the enormous alcohol consumption. Miraculously she recovered and we were able to go back home. At this point, I had talked to a friend who had struggled with substance abuse, and had overcome his addiction. He suggested an outpatient facility in the area that had worked for him. So I brought it up to her and she was willing to give it a shot. She voluntarily made that call to the facility and enrolled. She stopped drinking and started attending the outpatient, about a week went by and one night I woke up to a loud thump. I walked into the kitchen and found her laying on the floor. She got up and looked at me extremely confused. She could barely form a sentence and had a thousand yard stare about her. Immediately my mind assumed the worst. I thought she had been secretly drinking and had passed out or fallen because she was so drunk, it wouldn't have been the first time. But as I sat with her at the table trying to talk to her to figure it out, her eyes rolled back into her head. Her body contorted to what I can only describe her practically bending backward like a fish. She was having a seizure from alcohol withdrawal. I immediately jumped across the table and wrapped her up in my arms. Watching her have that seizure was the most terrifying moment of my life. I felt completely powerless, I watched in horror as the woman I loved convulsed violently in my arms for what seemed to last forever. Tears ran down my face as I held her, stroked her hair and whispered to her to come back to me. She eventually stopped and I was so terrified of what might happen next that I dialed 911. The fire Dept showed up and evaluated her and decided it was best to take her to the hospital. At the hospital she had 2 more violent seizures, I can only be grateful that she was in the presence of trained medical professionals at the time. While I sat there a tremendous guilt came over me. I had jumped to the conclusion she was drinking, when in reality she wasn't. She was trying to sober up and was suffering the consequences. She was released from the hospital 24 hours later and we went home. At this point, I thought her drinking was coming to an end.. I was wrong.. Again..
Within a week the alcohol had ahold of her again, she was in and out of treatment, AA meetings, and sober living homes, but couldn't shake the drinking...
Fast forward two years, she is still drinking everyday. I am scared for her life, and to make things worse she has recently become abusive. Not physically, but emotionally. In the past few weeks by the end of the day she is drunk, and will pick fights with me. She will say absurd things that have absolutely no relevance, things that literally make about as much sense as a snorkel on an octopus. I am at a complete loss of words. I do not know what to do. I have stuck by her side, supported her through everything. I have encouraged her to get treatment, driven her to and from AA meetings, held her during seizures, slept in the hospital rooms with her. I don't want to give up on her, but I'm losing hope. And now I am here on this forum telling you about it. If anyone out there took the time to read this and has anything helpful to tell me, I'm all ears.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Hi and welcome Belveldere 
I did read your story and I'm sorry for what brings you here.
I can only imagine the anguish you've suffered and continued to suffer. You will find a lot of support, advice and encouragement here tho - this is a great community and Newcomers is a great forum.
Have you considered groups like AlAnon at all? I think sometimes face to face support from others who've been in the same situation is priceless.
if you haven;t considered that it's another option for support.
I also recommend checking out our Family and Friends forum too for even more support
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
I did read your story and I'm sorry for what brings you here.
I can only imagine the anguish you've suffered and continued to suffer. You will find a lot of support, advice and encouragement here tho - this is a great community and Newcomers is a great forum.
Have you considered groups like AlAnon at all? I think sometimes face to face support from others who've been in the same situation is priceless.
if you haven;t considered that it's another option for support.
I also recommend checking out our Family and Friends forum too for even more support
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Hi Belvedere, well done for the post.
Your a strong person. Your partner is in the grip of addiction.
There is some evidence in your post that she would like to get help.
Thats a good sign. Ask her to come on Sober Recovery it a small step but a first step usually is a small step. You have tried doctors i suppose but try some other ones or addiction counsellors... Help does exist.
Your post nearly made me cry. It brought back childhood memories of family members, epileptic seizures, spoons inserted in mouths to prevent swallowing tongues, hospital beds... All those people are now dead (young) died more or less homeless and in complete misery. I always say when we are in the clutches of addiction there is no such thing as rock bottom you just keep falling further down....
Hope things get better for bpth of you
Your a strong person. Your partner is in the grip of addiction.
There is some evidence in your post that she would like to get help.
Thats a good sign. Ask her to come on Sober Recovery it a small step but a first step usually is a small step. You have tried doctors i suppose but try some other ones or addiction counsellors... Help does exist.
Your post nearly made me cry. It brought back childhood memories of family members, epileptic seizures, spoons inserted in mouths to prevent swallowing tongues, hospital beds... All those people are now dead (young) died more or less homeless and in complete misery. I always say when we are in the clutches of addiction there is no such thing as rock bottom you just keep falling further down....
Hope things get better for bpth of you
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Your post has brought me to tears. Sometimes I just hate this disease and what it does to the still suffering and their loved ones.
I completely understand your pain and anquish, I am an alcoholic in recovery and I have two children with the illness. Been there, done that ya know.
First of all we as loved ones have to realize that We didnt Cause this, We cant control it and We also cant cure it. ( The Three C's is what thats called).
If love was enough, all addicts and alcoholics would be cured, because God knows we are loved tremendously by SO many people. But unfortunately, Love will not fix this.
I went to and still attend Alanon and Naranon, both 12 step support groups to help me cope. There are also online family groups as well as Facebook offers both mentioned groups on line as well. If she could go into a LONG TERM inpatient facility, they could address her physical issues as well as work to assist her in implementing long term recovery practices. With her history and physical detox symptoms she definitely qualifies for that level of care.
I wish you the best. Please also see the family sections of this forum and also feel free to reach out to me via PM at anytime. We ( loved ones) need all the support we can get. I am happy to offer you support as well.
I completely understand your pain and anquish, I am an alcoholic in recovery and I have two children with the illness. Been there, done that ya know.
First of all we as loved ones have to realize that We didnt Cause this, We cant control it and We also cant cure it. ( The Three C's is what thats called).
If love was enough, all addicts and alcoholics would be cured, because God knows we are loved tremendously by SO many people. But unfortunately, Love will not fix this.
I went to and still attend Alanon and Naranon, both 12 step support groups to help me cope. There are also online family groups as well as Facebook offers both mentioned groups on line as well. If she could go into a LONG TERM inpatient facility, they could address her physical issues as well as work to assist her in implementing long term recovery practices. With her history and physical detox symptoms she definitely qualifies for that level of care.
I wish you the best. Please also see the family sections of this forum and also feel free to reach out to me via PM at anytime. We ( loved ones) need all the support we can get. I am happy to offer you support as well.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Wow, what an emotional & honest post. So sorry that ur going through this, what a very difficult situation. Sounds like she is a very unwell lady, does she want to get better or is she happy drinking?? I have never drank all day everyday but I think (from reading & speaking to others) that we all feel the same way when we drink....it made us feel great, funny, alive & at the time we just don't get how destructive it is & unfortunately it's the only thing we care about at that moment, it's just awful!! In all honesty uve done well to support her as long as u have. Are u prepared to give her an ultimatum?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 11
Thanks everyone. I have tried counseling, we have sat down with a few different therapists. She sees an addiction specialist Doctor on a regular basis, but nothing seems to work. She's been given medicine to block the alcohol receptors in her brain. The problem is, all she has to do is not take the medicine, (which is what she does) and then she can get drunk again. As far as ultimatums, I have never given her an ultimatum only support. I was told by a counselor to not give her an ultimatum unless I intend to follow through with it. To be frank I'm not sure what id say. If you don't stop drinking I'm going to leave?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Unless you plan to leave I wouldn't give an ultimatum.
If AlAnon does not appeal, there are other approaches:
Family & Friends - An Alternative to Al-Anon and Intervention
D
If AlAnon does not appeal, there are other approaches:
Family & Friends - An Alternative to Al-Anon and Intervention
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by fini 
wow, Belvedere.
that's a big step; congratulations.
how are you doing with it, now that a few hours have passed?
that's a big step; congratulations.
how are you doing with it, now that a few hours have passed?
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