any scapegoats here??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 2
any scapegoats here??
Hi....new to this forum, can someone tell me the name of the books I need to get on amazon.... I'm (40yrs) an adult child of an alcoholic mother who has just come out of rehab and is still!!! in denial, after nearly killing herself with drugs and alcohol a couple of months ago....my very codependent dad was for the first time, at 73yrs, really starting to see the light, was getting therapy and everything but has the tendency to do 360s, and feels she's doing really great now and that they are actually really happy??? WTH?? the worst of it is over the years I,ve had to distance myself from my siblings as being everyones scapegoat, they just don't know how to treat me with any genuine respect and after time it always ends in tears...so I guess I'm lost for what to do next...clearly both my parents are mentally ill....do I keep calling to see how my dad is? which I have min to a 10 min drop by once a week...I have emotionally detached from my mother a long time a go but feel terrible guilt if I don't see my dad, and worry as he's there alone with her....my sisters don't call if she is there anymore.....I'm rambling, not sure if I'm making any sense?
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,200
You make perfect sense to me boofills as I am in a similar situation although I too was/am an alcoholic (sober 21 months). In the end contact with them became too poisonous and despite the guilt I know it is the right thing for me at least
If you and you sisters shared the occasional call that would keep contact to a minimum without breaking off entirely
Incidentally you might also want to check the Friends and Family Section on SR for additional advice
If you and you sisters shared the occasional call that would keep contact to a minimum without breaking off entirely
Incidentally you might also want to check the Friends and Family Section on SR for additional advice
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
This is our Sticky Book List full of great titles:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ependence.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ependence.html
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by Boofills 
Hi....new to this forum, can someone tell me the name of the books I need to get on amazon.... I'm (40yrs) an adult child of an alcoholic mother who has just come out of rehab and is still!!! in denial, after nearly killing herself with drugs and alcohol a couple of months ago....my very codependent dad was for the first time, at 73yrs, really starting to see the light, was getting therapy and everything but has the tendency to do 360s, and feels she's doing really great now and that they are actually really happy??? WTH?? the worst of it is over the years I,ve had to distance myself from my siblings as being everyones scapegoat, they just don't know how to treat me with any genuine respect and after time it always ends in tears...so I guess I'm lost for what to do next...clearly both my parents are mentally ill....do I keep calling to see how my dad is? which I have min to a 10 min drop by once a week...I have emotionally detached from my mother a long time a go but feel terrible guilt if I don't see my dad, and worry as he's there alone with her....my sisters don't call if she is there anymore.....I'm rambling, not sure if I'm making any sense?
may turn on you.
The Buddhists speak of "idiot compassion" ; we may just try too hard and become victims of our own wasted efforts.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Hands up here as the family scapegoat, not anymore. Long time ago ...
I think I am fitting more into the 'Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself.' category..
Thanks, Bubovski, I just did a quick read up on idiot compassion...so true.
I think I am fitting more into the 'Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself.' category..
Co dependency can destroy the helper and then the crazy' helpees'
may turn on you.
The Buddhists speak of "idiot compassion" ; we may just try too hard and become victims of our own wasted efforts.
may turn on you.
The Buddhists speak of "idiot compassion" ; we may just try too hard and become victims of our own wasted efforts.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Tulsa
Posts: 44
You have to take of yourself first before you can help anybody else. It may well be that you need to cut yourself off from a toxic family. Don't feel guilty about it. That will keep you in a bad loop. Lots of us have basically cut ourselves loose and started over. Do what you have to do.
Good luck. it's not easy but you can do it.
Good luck. it's not easy but you can do it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
