Lizzieloulou

My AH has taken on extra shifts this weekend...massive tail between his legs after the misery of last weekend;and he has been super attentive and a domestic god! Not surprised about how ashamed he is this week...the last episode was pretty bad! Anyway...I have had the best part of two days and nights completely to myself...knitting...reading...watching what I want to watch on television etc! Not one eggshell to tread on...no discarded food everywhere...no overturned ashtrays...just a tidy, quiet and HEALTHY house! When you are lucky enough to get true 'me' time, you really have the time and space to think, examine and feel! Isn't it sad though...because you feel so trapped and lost 90% of the time, you do actually forget/suppress how good it is to be you!? Just going to savour the last few hours of this opportunity, by sending everyone loving and positive thoughts! P.s. I have also been able to enjoy a 'normal' glass of wine with my dinner... Cabernet sauvignon is in the building....freedom!!!

Smarie78

Happy to hear Lizzie! It's nice isn't it? I haven't had that kind of a life in over a year and I miss it. It's amazing how much we physically give of ourselves to the A in our life. It's almost like we are taken hostage and celebrate the rare moments of freedom, just to be ourselves and do the simple things that we have every right to do and should be doing to have the life we deserve.

I am not married to my Abf and am working on leaving him so for me it will be a lot easier to make the choice and leave someone I am not legally or financially tied to. I hope you have the same choice in your horizon.

Lizzieloulou

After last night's peace and space, I woke up with flu-like symptoms...only had one glass of wine, so it is flu...honest!! Ah comes home from work...making me food and really looking after me! A couple of hours in, his expression has changed...he is staggering to the kitchen...had his tea, and most of it is strewn all over the floor! He started verbally poking at me and I could feel the rage building up inside of me, but I stayed deathly silent...didn't want to rise to it! Now he is stretched out like a pregnant walrus snoring his head off! What a difference a day makes! God I am SO miserable with this life! I am unfortunate in the sense that I am tied to this 'creature' by marriage, but even if it takes me a few years to save enough money to change my situation, I WILL do it! Thank you smarie for your insightful reply!

LexieCat

You do NOT have to "wait a few years to save enough money" to change your situation. Have you talked with a lawyer? Have you talked with a DV advocate about the abuse you alluded to in your first posts?

There are all kinds of resources--including financial ones--to help you. Living with abuse is NOT a good alternative to being strapped financially for a while. Lots of women here have left, and even when money is tight for a while, they have found it preferable to living with abuse (or even active alcoholism alone).

Your child is an adult, so that isn't a factor.

If I were you, I'd swallow my pride and ask my parents for help. You said you didn't want to "worry" them, but don't you think they'd be a lot more worried if you stayed for the sake of not worrying them?

Lilro

I second Lexie. By the time I had left my marriage I couldn't care less if I was living in a cardboard box. At least there I would have some peace!
My parents were all too happy to help me out when I needed them. I'm sure you would do the same for your children. Be happy! Life is way too short to be anything else!!

dandylion

Lizzie....I second what Lexie said....through the DV folks you can find lots of help...including financial help, as well as housing and food, legal assistance, etc.

You are living in abuse, and no woman should have to bear that. Your safetym health--both physical and mental,,,as well as your peace of mind are more important than anything else.

You ca talk to the dv people on the phone, privately, and they are verrry understanding. They deal with this kind of situation every day.
Look at it this way---you can find out your options and what help is available....
How can it hurt to just know what is available and what you rights are?

I completely agree that you don't have to wait years and save lots of money to escape abuse.....millions of other women have done it....

There ARE options...you aren't trapped unless you choose to think that you are!!

Smarie78

Lizze - I admit the pregnant walrus comment did make me laugh! Got to laugh if you can't cry anymore. But I agree with the comments above. Find someplace to go. I have learned that you cannot trust an A even with your safety, and certainly not your well-being. I know that for me at this moment, anything would be better than living with my A or having to feel responsible for him and picking up his mess. I've seen my happiness drained of me, my work and relationships suffer, and all of my goodness and help to him go down the drain. Fall on deaf ears.

Reading a book or knitting or enjoying a coffee shouldn't be something you get to do when he isn't raging. This is your life and last I checked these weren't selfish things. I remember when my A was crying and carrying on that I treat him like a sympathy project and feel sorry for him and trying to fix him. It was true, until I finally said to him NO. I feel sorry for ME!

Get out, I never knew what I was going through was abuse but it is. You deserve more. We all do.