Husband in Rehab is pushing me away.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Uk
Posts: 18
Husband in Rehab is pushing me away.
Hi
Would appreciate your thoughts.
My alcoholic husband is now in rehab. However my world was torn apart as I found out he had been having an affair for two years. We only got married in April this year and yet this still continued. This rocked my work as he left me at the end of August was with this woman and was permanently drunk while with her and continued coming to see me. A few weeks ago he asked for help myself and his daily paid for him to be admitted to a rehab centre. He said prior to going in that I was the only person he wanted he wanted to make us work all the good things I wanted to hear. After the first week of detox he was allowed a phone his first time ringing me we were on the phine two hours everything looked positive. Then over the past few days I have started to ask hi questions I have got extremely frustrated with him.., he has now started to speak to me like crap ...,he says he doesn't know what he wants anymore he wants to come home (our home) and make his decisions whether he wants to be wig me or her.....wow I can't believe it. I have told him there is no way I can accept that why should I wait and finance him until he makes that decision.
Can anyone help is this normal behaviour or am I being naive.
Would appreciate your thoughts.
My alcoholic husband is now in rehab. However my world was torn apart as I found out he had been having an affair for two years. We only got married in April this year and yet this still continued. This rocked my work as he left me at the end of August was with this woman and was permanently drunk while with her and continued coming to see me. A few weeks ago he asked for help myself and his daily paid for him to be admitted to a rehab centre. He said prior to going in that I was the only person he wanted he wanted to make us work all the good things I wanted to hear. After the first week of detox he was allowed a phone his first time ringing me we were on the phine two hours everything looked positive. Then over the past few days I have started to ask hi questions I have got extremely frustrated with him.., he has now started to speak to me like crap ...,he says he doesn't know what he wants anymore he wants to come home (our home) and make his decisions whether he wants to be wig me or her.....wow I can't believe it. I have told him there is no way I can accept that why should I wait and finance him until he makes that decision.
Can anyone help is this normal behaviour or am I being naive.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hi Susie,
That is rough, I am sorry you are going through this. I have ben to rehab myself and I do know that the heavy medications they gave me made me very confused at times. Starting to get sober is a tender period in which we alcoholics often feel lost and confused.
It sounds like that he could drink at free will with the other woman and this may be a part of what is going through his mind, or he may just be confused.
My suggestion would be to give him some space to think things through on his own. I know it is difficult (and unfair) to you but it really may be the best thing right now.
That is rough, I am sorry you are going through this. I have ben to rehab myself and I do know that the heavy medications they gave me made me very confused at times. Starting to get sober is a tender period in which we alcoholics often feel lost and confused.
It sounds like that he could drink at free will with the other woman and this may be a part of what is going through his mind, or he may just be confused.
My suggestion would be to give him some space to think things through on his own. I know it is difficult (and unfair) to you but it really may be the best thing right now.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: At the end of the tunnel
Posts: 51
I used to be married to an alcoholic. My situation was different, of course, but the most important thing is for YOU to set boundaries and then stick to them. YOU get to decide what you're willing to accept, he doesn't get to drive your bus. I would also encourage you to pop over to the friends and family section as there are many wise folks over there with tons of wonderful tools, thoughts, and suggestions. I'm sorry you've been affected by this disease just remember you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't fix it. Only he can fix it through a life of abstinence. Good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 978
I agree - give him some space. No need to take all of his phone calls. You do you and let him do him. I would hate to continue to try and put a square peg in a round hole. Marriage this early on should not be riddled with addiction and adultery. If I had an idea of what my future held with my xah I would have gotten out long before I did.
You can't fix him. Let him be and see what emerges when he's out of rehab and has some time under his belt. If he's newly sober, his thoughts and actions will be all over the place. Let him and the rehab deal with that for the time being.
You can't fix him. Let him be and see what emerges when he's out of rehab and has some time under his belt. If he's newly sober, his thoughts and actions will be all over the place. Let him and the rehab deal with that for the time being.
I think he needs to sort his own head out himself, you just focus on taking care of yourself and your home,he'll figure out what he's doing
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Hi Susie, wow, you sure have a lot to deal with in a marriage that is so young. Your husband's first order of business is to stop drinking....if he is going to rehab on his own accord and truly wants sobriety, he will need some space to make that happen. As Mera said, maybe he felt more free to drink with the other woman....doesn't make it right, though. Let him get well and use this time to think about what kind of life YOU want. Is this what you signed up for?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Is this really what you want? You are not an alcoholic, presumably are employed and self sufficient? He has a drinking problem, can't afford rehab AND he can't decide whether he wants his wife or his girlfriend?
And you are worried he seems distant?
I am not trying to sound harsh - he must have some kind of charm but my goodness!
And you are worried he seems distant?
I am not trying to sound harsh - he must have some kind of charm but my goodness!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I think his drinking is not really your problem or concern. This man has been seeing another woman since before you were even married and is still seeing her now. I don't think this is even an alcohol issue.
Do you really want to live your life with a man who neither respects you or loves you? You deserve so much better than this. I think you need to work on your self esteem and self worth and be on your own, working on you. he will continue to treat you badly and have affairs as long as you put up with it. I don't think you need to wait for him to make any decision. Why don't you make a decision to put yourself first, get rid of him and concentrate on yourself.
Some men(and women) are just bad and selfish, with or without alcohol and we are better off without them in our lives.
Do you really want to live your life with a man who neither respects you or loves you? You deserve so much better than this. I think you need to work on your self esteem and self worth and be on your own, working on you. he will continue to treat you badly and have affairs as long as you put up with it. I don't think you need to wait for him to make any decision. Why don't you make a decision to put yourself first, get rid of him and concentrate on yourself.
Some men(and women) are just bad and selfish, with or without alcohol and we are better off without them in our lives.
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