my story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Lawrence, Kansas
Posts: 4
my story
My Story:
I smoked and drank for the first time when I was 15. I fell in love with substances immediately. I loved the effect they had on my brain, I loved how it made me feel closer to people. I simply loved being high. I would do anything from Adderall, LSD, mushrooms, ecstasy. I began to smoke weed everyday, sold it eventually and got suspended from high school for having weed at school. I received a DUI at the ripe age of 17. I received 4 MIP’s at the ripe age of 19.
I have lead a double life since I started drinking and getting high. There’s a side of me that was an amazing swimmer in high school and was Swim Team Captain. I was also vice president of my sorority, vice president of a club on campus. I actually held multiple positions in my sorority. I run 5k’s and am a tutor. The other side of me is the anxious, depressed alcoholic. I have blown an incredible amount of my parent’s money on booze. I am reckless.
I am still having trouble comes to terms with the idea of sobriety. It scares the hell out of me. I no longer can numb the parts of myself that I hate without alcohol. I can no longer numb my anxious, depressed mind. Maybe something about that is beautiful though. Experiencing life at the most basic level again; substance free. It is an incredibly raw and terrifying feeling. But life is meant to challenge you, and this is my challenge and my journey.
I smoked and drank for the first time when I was 15. I fell in love with substances immediately. I loved the effect they had on my brain, I loved how it made me feel closer to people. I simply loved being high. I would do anything from Adderall, LSD, mushrooms, ecstasy. I began to smoke weed everyday, sold it eventually and got suspended from high school for having weed at school. I received a DUI at the ripe age of 17. I received 4 MIP’s at the ripe age of 19.
I have lead a double life since I started drinking and getting high. There’s a side of me that was an amazing swimmer in high school and was Swim Team Captain. I was also vice president of my sorority, vice president of a club on campus. I actually held multiple positions in my sorority. I run 5k’s and am a tutor. The other side of me is the anxious, depressed alcoholic. I have blown an incredible amount of my parent’s money on booze. I am reckless.
I am still having trouble comes to terms with the idea of sobriety. It scares the hell out of me. I no longer can numb the parts of myself that I hate without alcohol. I can no longer numb my anxious, depressed mind. Maybe something about that is beautiful though. Experiencing life at the most basic level again; substance free. It is an incredibly raw and terrifying feeling. But life is meant to challenge you, and this is my challenge and my journey.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Originally Posted by anco22 
I am still having trouble comes to terms with the idea of sobriety. It scares the hell out of me. I no longer can numb the parts of myself that I hate without alcohol. I can no longer numb my anxious, depressed mind. Maybe something about that is beautiful though. Experiencing life at the most basic level again; substance free. It is an incredibly raw and terrifying feeling. But life is meant to challenge you, and this is my challenge and my journey.
All the best to you.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Anco,
Addict is the word I use to describe myself.
Drug addict for life. I got clean 17 months ago. It was difficult. It was horrible.
I made it through. Now the majority of the pain is behind me.
There still is pain, a lingering, aching pain that comes and goes....
It says...get wasted...you deserve it...
I have clean friends...one drank like me and quit..16 years ago....no AA...just quit...
Another hates booze...never liked it.
These 2 guys don't know it....but they are my role models....
Get sober...find a non drinker role model..other than an AA person...
That is my 2 cents...
Alcohol and drugs are learned behaviors...they can be unlearned.
Addict is the word I use to describe myself.
Drug addict for life. I got clean 17 months ago. It was difficult. It was horrible.
I made it through. Now the majority of the pain is behind me.
There still is pain, a lingering, aching pain that comes and goes....
It says...get wasted...you deserve it...
I have clean friends...one drank like me and quit..16 years ago....no AA...just quit...
Another hates booze...never liked it.
These 2 guys don't know it....but they are my role models....
Get sober...find a non drinker role model..other than an AA person...
That is my 2 cents...
Alcohol and drugs are learned behaviors...they can be unlearned.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Welcome anco
I think most of us were scared about becoming sober. I was terrified.
It was tough in transition - I won't lie, but no tougher than my drinking life was...
and...recovery worked out great for me...better than I could have imagined.
I love my life and I love who I am now.
It's the difference between living and existing.
It may seem like a huge risk but it's not that big - look around at all the happy success stories here - you can join us
I think most of us were scared about becoming sober. I was terrified.
It was tough in transition - I won't lie, but no tougher than my drinking life was...
and...recovery worked out great for me...better than I could have imagined.
I love my life and I love who I am now.
It's the difference between living and existing.
It may seem like a huge risk but it's not that big - look around at all the happy success stories here - you can join us
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Welcome, anco.
What is also beautiful about sobriety is that you can finally be a person of integrity. I love that word: integrity. It's something I always aspired to be. But alcohol took me further and further away from being a person of integrity.
Integrity means to be whole, intact. One person, one set of values, one moral compass. No deviation, no double life. That's beautiful, and for me finally possible again.
You have tons of potential, by the sounds of it. You can be the swim star, the respectable tutor, the athlete, the club vice-president. The person others look up to. Without that awful nagging feeling of shame that you don't deserve it because you're really a feckless unreliable drunk.
A great challenge to set for yourself... if you fix yourself a good sobriety plan (and you will find inspiration for that on these boards) and stay away from drinking, you can be that person for sure.
What is also beautiful about sobriety is that you can finally be a person of integrity. I love that word: integrity. It's something I always aspired to be. But alcohol took me further and further away from being a person of integrity.
Integrity means to be whole, intact. One person, one set of values, one moral compass. No deviation, no double life. That's beautiful, and for me finally possible again.
You have tons of potential, by the sounds of it. You can be the swim star, the respectable tutor, the athlete, the club vice-president. The person others look up to. Without that awful nagging feeling of shame that you don't deserve it because you're really a feckless unreliable drunk.
A great challenge to set for yourself... if you fix yourself a good sobriety plan (and you will find inspiration for that on these boards) and stay away from drinking, you can be that person for sure.
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