I'm afraid
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
I'm afraid
Hi, I posted this in the August class thread but maybe want to hear from some of the others, too, so hope it's ok to post here. Today is 53 days without a drink for me:
I read a whole book yesterday/last night. I posted here last night but couldn't sleep after and finished the book. It was "Girl Walks Out Of A Bar" by Lisa Smith. At first I wasn't crazy about her writing style but I got swept into the story and finished the whole thing. It was a good one. I related to it a lot, but this little inner competitive ambitious addict in me (a lot like her actually) also said "I'm not as bad as she was".
I never drank in the morning. Oh wait, yes, I mean, sort of. I didn't drink vodka in the morning. I didn't wake up and drink a glass of wine by my bed. I haven't done coke in years. Because I was late to meet my dealer MLK weekend 2003 and pulled up to her getting arrested at the meeting spot, just kept on driving. I didn't go to work drunk. But I did have a couple glasses of wine early in the day, before some meetings, to take the edge off of something, more than several times just the last few months. So I need to remember that it's the "yets" I'm looking at, right?
She described the feeling of drinking with coke so perfectly. It made me remember it viscerally. Coke though really almost ruined my life. I think reading her book made me see the extent to which I compartmentalize: I've never even really talked about it here. I really learned how to drink when I snorted blow. I stopped all substances later that year, and effectively "controlled" drinking, for about a year oh wait, there were a few mishaps but no one really knew so did they happen? until 2005 when I discovered strong craft beer. And all of it was wrapped up in "food issues" left over from the anorexia and bulimia I've never really completely shaken. Then, it's all taken off. But I've had a great career, done well, not crashed a car, bought a house, been in therapy, etc, etc....
So I'm starting to think that I can't relapse, I really can't. I'm afraid. I'm starting to think that what I'm doing is good, no question, and my plan has worked. But I'm still compartmentalizing, and maybe not rearranging things the way I should in order to do this differently. Gratitude alone can't be all I do. I'm worried that just going to this site is its own form of compartmentalizong for me: I'm not getting out of the isolation I drank in, enough.
Maybe I should give AA another shot. Maybe I should give it more than one other shot, like, maybe I should really do it.
A new coworker came on the ground here today. She told us she doesn't drink. When another coworker said "oh, I do. A lot." She asked if we should be worried. She didn't say she was an alcoholic but something about her made me think she is; a sober alcoholic. I felt this strong urge to ask her in private, to pour out to her what I've been going through, to ask her to help me.
I felt the need to ask someone to help me.
So then I did what I've done so many times: looked online for a meeting, and froze. I never know which one I should go to. I went to some really bad ones in 2011, when I joined this site. Really bad. I shared and after the meeting this woman yelled at me. Another one was a bunch of old men who had been sober for years and didn't know what to do with a newcomer, youngish woman, even though it was an open meeting. I found one I liked but it was really far away and I ended up not making the schedule. There are excuses in there, and I didn't have 7 1/2 weeks back then, but there's also a real story. The woman yelling at me (she was just crazy btw) was the last one I went to. So I go online, and freeze. And don't go. It feels so complicated, all the different options for what kind of meeting it is. I'm clumsy, I don't know the etiquette, and I really don't want anyone to yell at me. I know I walk in, and I have nice shoes, a nice car, a nice hairstyle, but I don't want to be shamed for it again. I don't want to be told again how I feel before I've really even been able to say how I feel. I know you're supposed to feel like you can go to the meetings and use them to feel connected and accepted. I felt ostracized. I was ostracized.
I'm afraid that if I don't, though, that I might slip away. I know I'm doing well but I'm afraid I need help to really get out of the weeds for the long term.
In Gratitude
B
I read a whole book yesterday/last night. I posted here last night but couldn't sleep after and finished the book. It was "Girl Walks Out Of A Bar" by Lisa Smith. At first I wasn't crazy about her writing style but I got swept into the story and finished the whole thing. It was a good one. I related to it a lot, but this little inner competitive ambitious addict in me (a lot like her actually) also said "I'm not as bad as she was".
I never drank in the morning. Oh wait, yes, I mean, sort of. I didn't drink vodka in the morning. I didn't wake up and drink a glass of wine by my bed. I haven't done coke in years. Because I was late to meet my dealer MLK weekend 2003 and pulled up to her getting arrested at the meeting spot, just kept on driving. I didn't go to work drunk. But I did have a couple glasses of wine early in the day, before some meetings, to take the edge off of something, more than several times just the last few months. So I need to remember that it's the "yets" I'm looking at, right?
She described the feeling of drinking with coke so perfectly. It made me remember it viscerally. Coke though really almost ruined my life. I think reading her book made me see the extent to which I compartmentalize: I've never even really talked about it here. I really learned how to drink when I snorted blow. I stopped all substances later that year, and effectively "controlled" drinking, for about a year oh wait, there were a few mishaps but no one really knew so did they happen? until 2005 when I discovered strong craft beer. And all of it was wrapped up in "food issues" left over from the anorexia and bulimia I've never really completely shaken. Then, it's all taken off. But I've had a great career, done well, not crashed a car, bought a house, been in therapy, etc, etc....
So I'm starting to think that I can't relapse, I really can't. I'm afraid. I'm starting to think that what I'm doing is good, no question, and my plan has worked. But I'm still compartmentalizing, and maybe not rearranging things the way I should in order to do this differently. Gratitude alone can't be all I do. I'm worried that just going to this site is its own form of compartmentalizong for me: I'm not getting out of the isolation I drank in, enough.
Maybe I should give AA another shot. Maybe I should give it more than one other shot, like, maybe I should really do it.
A new coworker came on the ground here today. She told us she doesn't drink. When another coworker said "oh, I do. A lot." She asked if we should be worried. She didn't say she was an alcoholic but something about her made me think she is; a sober alcoholic. I felt this strong urge to ask her in private, to pour out to her what I've been going through, to ask her to help me.
I felt the need to ask someone to help me.
So then I did what I've done so many times: looked online for a meeting, and froze. I never know which one I should go to. I went to some really bad ones in 2011, when I joined this site. Really bad. I shared and after the meeting this woman yelled at me. Another one was a bunch of old men who had been sober for years and didn't know what to do with a newcomer, youngish woman, even though it was an open meeting. I found one I liked but it was really far away and I ended up not making the schedule. There are excuses in there, and I didn't have 7 1/2 weeks back then, but there's also a real story. The woman yelling at me (she was just crazy btw) was the last one I went to. So I go online, and freeze. And don't go. It feels so complicated, all the different options for what kind of meeting it is. I'm clumsy, I don't know the etiquette, and I really don't want anyone to yell at me. I know I walk in, and I have nice shoes, a nice car, a nice hairstyle, but I don't want to be shamed for it again. I don't want to be told again how I feel before I've really even been able to say how I feel. I know you're supposed to feel like you can go to the meetings and use them to feel connected and accepted. I felt ostracized. I was ostracized.
I'm afraid that if I don't, though, that I might slip away. I know I'm doing well but I'm afraid I need help to really get out of the weeds for the long term.
In Gratitude
B
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hey.
It's great that you're able to talk about all this.
I'll try to compartmentalize this for you. You had a bad experience, and that's unfortunate. Not all meetings are like the ones you described, and two meetings is a very small sample. It might help to try a meeting in a nice neighborhood where it's less likely you'll run into people who can't control their emotions. If the worst thing that can happen is that your feelings get hurt, it won't kill you and might even make you stronger.
If you don't go to a meeting, you'll only increase your anxiety by continuously putting yourself in a position to "freeze," which seems like you count as a failure. Just going can be a powerful remedy. Compared to the anxiety you're experiencing around relapsing, which seems to be both intense and chronic -- and all the terrible things that can and will happen if you do -- your anxiety around what could happen by going to a meeting is a walk in the park.
And then you go again,, and then again until your anxiety becomes manageable, and going to meetings becomes just something else you do to stay sober, and to feel less crazy while you're doing.
Of course, there are alternatives to AA, but I think that getting yourself to a meeting is the cutting edge for you.
It's great that you're able to talk about all this.
I'll try to compartmentalize this for you. You had a bad experience, and that's unfortunate. Not all meetings are like the ones you described, and two meetings is a very small sample. It might help to try a meeting in a nice neighborhood where it's less likely you'll run into people who can't control their emotions. If the worst thing that can happen is that your feelings get hurt, it won't kill you and might even make you stronger.
If you don't go to a meeting, you'll only increase your anxiety by continuously putting yourself in a position to "freeze," which seems like you count as a failure. Just going can be a powerful remedy. Compared to the anxiety you're experiencing around relapsing, which seems to be both intense and chronic -- and all the terrible things that can and will happen if you do -- your anxiety around what could happen by going to a meeting is a walk in the park.
And then you go again,, and then again until your anxiety becomes manageable, and going to meetings becomes just something else you do to stay sober, and to feel less crazy while you're doing.
Of course, there are alternatives to AA, but I think that getting yourself to a meeting is the cutting edge for you.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Thanks. I will say that screaming at a vulnerable person is a little more than "hurt feelings" for that person. Children "hurt feelings" when they play rough. I went to a total of five meetings back then.
I know that not going is a missing piece. I'm afraid of failing. I haven't been afraid before; I guess I'm figuring out that I might actually be able to do this, because I've been able to slog through.
What I got from your response is to remove expectations. That's helpful. Thanks. You're right.
I know that not going is a missing piece. I'm afraid of failing. I haven't been afraid before; I guess I'm figuring out that I might actually be able to do this, because I've been able to slog through.
What I got from your response is to remove expectations. That's helpful. Thanks. You're right.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
I also went to some bad AA meetings and I understand what you're saying. There's no real describing the depth of the alienation you feel when you go somewhere vulnerable and scared and it goes badly. And I was actually frightened sometimes — and I'm not a jumpy person, I'm a street smart city lady.
I did ultimately find some good ones (and then just stuck to those) and they really helped me get through my first year. I did find it worth it to push through until I found those and I'm glad you're willing to give it another shot. I also drank in isolation (at least the binge part of the drinking) and it was a big step for me to speak out loud about what I'd been through.
AA is the only place in my life where I found it very, very beneficial to stereotype the hell out of a hypothetical situation. I found that sticking to the richest and/or most professional neighborhoods at the most respectable hours (e.g. mornings right before the commute, evenings right after work) was best. Also women's meetings were a big, big help, and meetings on college campuses are small but always safe. Also, I'm a straight woman but I found that LGBT meetings were very welcoming, had a good emotional intimacy level, and again, safe.
It felt gross to make those judgments but in the absence of any other information, go with what you can.
I hope you find a good meeting. It was a big help for me!
I did ultimately find some good ones (and then just stuck to those) and they really helped me get through my first year. I did find it worth it to push through until I found those and I'm glad you're willing to give it another shot. I also drank in isolation (at least the binge part of the drinking) and it was a big step for me to speak out loud about what I'd been through.
AA is the only place in my life where I found it very, very beneficial to stereotype the hell out of a hypothetical situation. I found that sticking to the richest and/or most professional neighborhoods at the most respectable hours (e.g. mornings right before the commute, evenings right after work) was best. Also women's meetings were a big, big help, and meetings on college campuses are small but always safe. Also, I'm a straight woman but I found that LGBT meetings were very welcoming, had a good emotional intimacy level, and again, safe.
It felt gross to make those judgments but in the absence of any other information, go with what you can.
I hope you find a good meeting. It was a big help for me!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Bexxed, I think that it's good that you are paying attention to the fact that you are scared. I don't know if a meeting will be the answer for you, maybe, but you should do whatever it takes to alleviate your fears. Day 53 is great and you should take a moment to be very proud of yourself.
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Posts: 1,236
Thanks Anna and fantail!
For the record I'm very tired today because I didn't sleep well last night and I'm aware that HALT is real - and I'm 2 for 4 there right now. (Lonely and tired). I'm working out of town right now and got in last night on a very late flight and couldn't sleep because I drank strong coffee late yesterday afternoon before the flight.
Fantail I am lgbt, unfortunately in my city (that I live in, not the city I'm currently in for work) doesn't have lgbt meetings. The one meeting I really liked was a women's meeting, but that was when I lived in FL 5 years ago. I will look for that and thanks for your words.
That book hit me hard. There's a huge stigma in my line of work, like the author's, of not being "weak". And thanks, I am proud of 53 days. I have no intention of going back. I know though that I have to change things up or it might be inevitable. The plan needs tweaking and I have to get past the "freeze".
xoxo
For the record I'm very tired today because I didn't sleep well last night and I'm aware that HALT is real - and I'm 2 for 4 there right now. (Lonely and tired). I'm working out of town right now and got in last night on a very late flight and couldn't sleep because I drank strong coffee late yesterday afternoon before the flight.
Fantail I am lgbt, unfortunately in my city (that I live in, not the city I'm currently in for work) doesn't have lgbt meetings. The one meeting I really liked was a women's meeting, but that was when I lived in FL 5 years ago. I will look for that and thanks for your words.
That book hit me hard. There's a huge stigma in my line of work, like the author's, of not being "weak". And thanks, I am proud of 53 days. I have no intention of going back. I know though that I have to change things up or it might be inevitable. The plan needs tweaking and I have to get past the "freeze".
xoxo
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
you felt the need to ask someone to help you.
bexxed, that jumped out at me so strongly. when i got sober, i joined a secular recovery forum and went to secular meetings. thought i'd just hang out with some sober folk and get some peer support and that would probably take a few months and then i'd be all done with that stuff.
took me a couple of years to see that what i really needed was in the nature of a real, internal change. a turning, a different direction. after some more time i saw that AA had something very much like that on offer. took me lots of trying different meetings to find one or two where i feel not the entirely oddest sore-thumb-sticking-out person.
i kept going because i wanted a sponsor. i knew i wanted to do the step-stuff, and wanted help with it.
fellowship would be a bonus.
i'm telling you all this because you feel a need to ask someone to help. so my suggestion would be to go to the meetings, crappy or not, with the idea of asking someone to be a temporary sponsor while you look for a long-term one. someone to get started with you on "the work".
look for someone who has "what you want", as they say.
if none of this fits where you're at, and i misread where you're at, my apologies. hard to tell from just reading a post or two.
bexxed, that jumped out at me so strongly. when i got sober, i joined a secular recovery forum and went to secular meetings. thought i'd just hang out with some sober folk and get some peer support and that would probably take a few months and then i'd be all done with that stuff.
took me a couple of years to see that what i really needed was in the nature of a real, internal change. a turning, a different direction. after some more time i saw that AA had something very much like that on offer. took me lots of trying different meetings to find one or two where i feel not the entirely oddest sore-thumb-sticking-out person.
i kept going because i wanted a sponsor. i knew i wanted to do the step-stuff, and wanted help with it.
fellowship would be a bonus.
i'm telling you all this because you feel a need to ask someone to help. so my suggestion would be to go to the meetings, crappy or not, with the idea of asking someone to be a temporary sponsor while you look for a long-term one. someone to get started with you on "the work".
look for someone who has "what you want", as they say.
if none of this fits where you're at, and i misread where you're at, my apologies. hard to tell from just reading a post or two.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Hi bexxed.
I appreciate the weirdness of going to meetings. But I think they reinforce the commitment to stay sober, and it's so hard to stick to the plan without daily face-to-face support. Not just in the first few months, either, in my experience.
Maybe go and just listen? No etiquette needed for that. I know a lot of people who go to meetings daily and never put their hand up. Or, if it's asked in a newcomers, just say, "I'm so-and-so , I'm an alcoholic and I have however-many days."
In one of the meetings I go to, a newcomer was always asked to read "How It Works" http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf -- that was one of the most moving things I ever was privileged to do. Step meetings and Big Book meetings are often read-alouds, and if you don't want to share, you can always pass.
Good luck to you! Post often!
I appreciate the weirdness of going to meetings. But I think they reinforce the commitment to stay sober, and it's so hard to stick to the plan without daily face-to-face support. Not just in the first few months, either, in my experience.
Maybe go and just listen? No etiquette needed for that. I know a lot of people who go to meetings daily and never put their hand up. Or, if it's asked in a newcomers, just say, "I'm so-and-so , I'm an alcoholic and I have however-many days."
In one of the meetings I go to, a newcomer was always asked to read "How It Works" http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf -- that was one of the most moving things I ever was privileged to do. Step meetings and Big Book meetings are often read-alouds, and if you don't want to share, you can always pass.
Good luck to you! Post often!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Thanks everyone! So I went to the website again and actually checked the addresses of some of these places. Remember that I am not in the city that I actually live in. I have been working out of town for three weeks now. Well it turns out that one of the meetings is literally half a block from my hotel. It is a closed meeting. That just means that only alcoholics can't go, right? if I qualify then I will go to the 7 AM meeting tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
"Maybe I should give AA another shot. Maybe I should give it more than one other shot, like, maybe I should really do it."
That is what I did. I could NOT get a grip on my alcoholism and I was going downhill at an extremely alarming rate. So I just decided to do the AA program. I decided I would DO IT, not just try. I had been to some meetings from hell in the past, just like you, and was really turned off them. But I had everything to lose if I didn't do something so I started going and it has kept me sober the last 6 weeks (minus one notable exception). I didn't (and am not going to) let anyone stand in the way of me getting what I needed for sobriety out of the AA program ... and although I am still ever so newly sober, I have hope and I'm clinging on to it for dear life. My favorite slogan (and I use it every damn day) is "Take what you can use and leave the rest". And now I love going to meetings and I thought hell would freeze over before that happened.
Just my (very) recent experience.
I think it's good you are posting on SR about all this.
~Blessings~
That is what I did. I could NOT get a grip on my alcoholism and I was going downhill at an extremely alarming rate. So I just decided to do the AA program. I decided I would DO IT, not just try. I had been to some meetings from hell in the past, just like you, and was really turned off them. But I had everything to lose if I didn't do something so I started going and it has kept me sober the last 6 weeks (minus one notable exception). I didn't (and am not going to) let anyone stand in the way of me getting what I needed for sobriety out of the AA program ... and although I am still ever so newly sober, I have hope and I'm clinging on to it for dear life. My favorite slogan (and I use it every damn day) is "Take what you can use and leave the rest". And now I love going to meetings and I thought hell would freeze over before that happened.
Just my (very) recent experience.
I think it's good you are posting on SR about all this.
~Blessings~
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 249
Originally Posted by fini 
you felt the need to ask someone to help you.
bexxed, that jumped out at me so strongly. when i got sober, i joined a secular recovery forum and went to secular meetings. thought i'd just hang out with some sober folk and get some peer support and that would probably take a few months and then i'd be all done with that stuff.
took me a couple of years to see that what i really needed was in the nature of a real, internal change. a turning, a different direction. after some more time i saw that AA had something very much like that on offer. took me lots of trying different meetings to find one or two where i feel not the entirely oddest sore-thumb-sticking-out person.
i kept going because i wanted a sponsor. i knew i wanted to do the step-stuff, and wanted help with it.
fellowship would be a bonus.
i'm telling you all this because you feel a need to ask someone to help. so my suggestion would be to go to the meetings, crappy or not, with the idea of asking someone to be a temporary sponsor while you look for a long-term one. someone to get started with you on "the work".
look for someone who has "what you want", as they say.
if none of this fits where you're at, and i misread where you're at, my apologies. hard to tell from just reading a post or two.
bexxed, that jumped out at me so strongly. when i got sober, i joined a secular recovery forum and went to secular meetings. thought i'd just hang out with some sober folk and get some peer support and that would probably take a few months and then i'd be all done with that stuff.
took me a couple of years to see that what i really needed was in the nature of a real, internal change. a turning, a different direction. after some more time i saw that AA had something very much like that on offer. took me lots of trying different meetings to find one or two where i feel not the entirely oddest sore-thumb-sticking-out person.
i kept going because i wanted a sponsor. i knew i wanted to do the step-stuff, and wanted help with it.
fellowship would be a bonus.
i'm telling you all this because you feel a need to ask someone to help. so my suggestion would be to go to the meetings, crappy or not, with the idea of asking someone to be a temporary sponsor while you look for a long-term one. someone to get started with you on "the work".
look for someone who has "what you want", as they say.
if none of this fits where you're at, and i misread where you're at, my apologies. hard to tell from just reading a post or two.
What a fantastic response!!!!
Amen to everything you wrote.
Find someone " who has what YOU want" .
Bexxed -
You were kind enough to respond to some of my earlier posts - thank you they really helped me get through some rough days.
I've had my share of relapses over the years.. had a hard time with step work.
2 things resonate with what I read in your post:
- you are ready to do the step work
- you want this... you want to work with someone you relate with
Bexxed...
someone once told me it is ok to be SELFISH in sobriety.
You do not have to settle.
No one deserves to be yelled at attending meeting EVER.
AA does NOT judge... ALL are welcome
You have the time and sounds like you understand the benefit of working the steps.
NEVER apologize because you have a nice car, hair and take pride in your appearance... great example and you are what others should aspire to be.
Every ones journey to recovery and their bottom is different. You are blessed that your bottom did not cost you things or your health.
Thanks for posting Bexxed,
Snarly
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Good morning Bexxed.
You have gotten so much great advice about meetings, the wheres whens and hows of all of that. I dont have anything to add to that conversation. I have been attending intermittently at some out of town meetings as I havent been ready to 'come out' at local meetings. Theres some reasons for that that have to do with my position in the community and my need for total anonymity right now. I LOVE going to speaker/lead meetings most because one it forces me to just listen, to not feel the need to really contribute as I can have a tendency to do alot more talking then listening. Also, it reminds me of where I came from because my alcoholic memory can be quite lacking and I can have a tendency to minimize the seriousness of the situation for ME. Hearing a lead I seek out the similarities in their story rather then focus on the differences ( feeds my minimization tendencies yeah?
Anyway, enough about that. What REALLY stood out in your whole post was your willingness to express your FEELINGS. I have heard it said that this is a 'feelings disease' and I know I have been a master of disquise and a hider of my real feelings ( sometimes not even having a grip on what my feelings were).
Your title is ' I AM AFRAID'. Wow, what a fantastic break through from someone who I have a vision of is a strong, powerful, independent woman. If you are anything like me, and I suspect you are in many ways, those positive attributes also played a role in hiding some of the underlying fears that you carry and which are normal for any of us.
I am finding that when I can be sincere and genuine in sharing my feelings ( granted with a select few) I am feeling so much more stable and like a weight is being lifted off of me.
Good on you for getting on here and sharing YOUR fears. It surely doesnt diminish one iota from the powerful warrior woman that you are!
You are courageous!
I hope your meeting is good this morning.
Be blessed!
You have gotten so much great advice about meetings, the wheres whens and hows of all of that. I dont have anything to add to that conversation. I have been attending intermittently at some out of town meetings as I havent been ready to 'come out' at local meetings. Theres some reasons for that that have to do with my position in the community and my need for total anonymity right now. I LOVE going to speaker/lead meetings most because one it forces me to just listen, to not feel the need to really contribute as I can have a tendency to do alot more talking then listening. Also, it reminds me of where I came from because my alcoholic memory can be quite lacking and I can have a tendency to minimize the seriousness of the situation for ME. Hearing a lead I seek out the similarities in their story rather then focus on the differences ( feeds my minimization tendencies yeah?
Anyway, enough about that. What REALLY stood out in your whole post was your willingness to express your FEELINGS. I have heard it said that this is a 'feelings disease' and I know I have been a master of disquise and a hider of my real feelings ( sometimes not even having a grip on what my feelings were).
Your title is ' I AM AFRAID'. Wow, what a fantastic break through from someone who I have a vision of is a strong, powerful, independent woman. If you are anything like me, and I suspect you are in many ways, those positive attributes also played a role in hiding some of the underlying fears that you carry and which are normal for any of us.
I am finding that when I can be sincere and genuine in sharing my feelings ( granted with a select few) I am feeling so much more stable and like a weight is being lifted off of me.
Good on you for getting on here and sharing YOUR fears. It surely doesnt diminish one iota from the powerful warrior woman that you are!
You are courageous!
I hope your meeting is good this morning.
Be blessed!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, bexxed. In early sobriety, I often went to AA meetings and just listened. I didn't always agree with what people were saying--felt I was hearing war stories that Just. Weren't. Helpful. But I liked being there with people who were struggling, just like me. Unlike you, I didn't have the challenge of finding meetings while I travelled. But I get the whole meeting struggle. I listen to a podcast, "The recovery revolution" moderated by three guys in recovery. They interviewed Lisa Smith, who had a powerful story to tell. I'm going to get that book. My friend also recommends "Sweet bitter," about a woman's working in the restaurant trade, with all of its attendant craziness. Good luck going forward. Peace.
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