Msarotte

To start off, I want everyone to know I do not do stuff like this. I keep to my self and don't ever open up.

My boyfriend is going away to rehab today. I do not use and I honestly knew nothing about drugs until I found out he used. I've been looking online reading posts to try to reassure myself everything will be okay, but not one post I've read had a positive outcome of the relationship working. Im so confident in him that he will get better, but I'm scared of a relapse or that I may not be able to trust him again. I'm writing this post and I hope to only have positive replies.

My boyfriend is addicted to opiates. Oxycodone to be specific. If anyone can relate or has a positive outcome of any addiction relationship being successful I would love to hear your stories, because I need all the reassurance I can get at this point.

How do you regain trust back with out triggering any frustration or relapse? What are my limits? Can I ask where he was or who he's talking too? Do I not ask?

I know that addiction is a disease and it consumes and takes over the persons life and if they seek out to go to rehab it's a HUGE step. I'm so proud of my boyfriend and he knows that. He started off going to meetings that were outpatient and he had a couple family meetings he wanted me to come too. I went and learned so much. Once he realized that wasn't enough to help him, he decided to go to inpatient. I've never given him money, taken him to get drugs, or gave him the benefit of the doubt when he did. I feel like I'm not co-dependent or enabling, but I know a personal opinion can be biased. My biggest fear is im going to trigger a relapse or enable him. I know the addiction is not my fault, but I want to make sure I'm not doing anything that could trigger anything. I am going to go to NA meetings while he's gone to get as much input as possible because I want to do anything I can to understand the hardship he's enduring.

So please any positive outcomes or similar situations would help a lot!

wildflower70

Hi Msarotte,

I was addicted to Vicodin for about 18 months, and quit cold turkey. At the time, my boyfriend was also using and drinking heavily. We were able to get off of the pills, however the alcohol use increased dramatically. WE didn't seek help, and our relationship failed.

Your situation appears to be much different, as you are both taking the steps to get healthy and insure a sober future. It sounds to me that the both of you have a good shot at making this work! Him going to rehab, and you making sure you aren't enabling him to use. As far as triggers go, many things can be a trigger for an addict, a certain place, a song, an old party pal, ect.... Try not to carry that burden on your shoulders, as he has to be responsible for his own sobriety.

I wish you well on your journey.
Blessings

Maudcat

Hi, Msarotte, and welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm sorry that you and your SO are in the place that you are now. You are right. It's big that he has sought in patient rehab. That is a positive step forward. Are there Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings in your area that you can attend? They are very helpful in helping us understand the dynamics of substance dependency. Keep going to the family meetings that are part of his rehab if you can. As you said, there is a lot to learn about this baffling condition. Good luck. Check back when you can. There is a lot of caring support on this site. Peace.

lexilynn

Hi! It sounds that you both are doing a wonderful thing, there is also a support group called Alanon that you may want to check out. : ) , It's for friends & family of alcoholics and addicts. I'm sure many have been were you are now and can offer support. As for me? I'm on the other side of things then you are, so I won't attempt to help you, sorry. There is only one time that while I was sober that I can only recall one night sober I was worried somebody relapsed that I cared about a lot, and that was just a few months back, but that was due to the fact that the person wasn't around were he normally is at that time and about 4 hours went by that he was M.I.A .
I wish both you the best, hugs!

thomas11

I was prescribed oxycodone for over a year and I can understand how people become addicted and/or abuse it. I worked with my doctor on a tapering plan and towards the final stages we switched to a different drug (oxycodone to percocet). Mentally it helped me because I was in the habit of taking the oxycodone, when taking percocet it was something new, and I was able to taper down and off completely in the final 3 weeks. Withdrawals were minor and I kept busy. What helped was the fact that I was determined to get off the pills. Staying on them (which I could have done) would have been the easy way out, but I chose to do the right thing and get off of them. I believe he can too, but he has to be determined to make the changes in his life and ACCEPT his new life.

doggonecarl

Sorry for what brings you here. How long have you been together?

I think it's a good sign if he decided he needed rehab on his own, that he wasn't threatened or coerced into going. He has to want to get clean on his own. He has to be active in his own recovery. And it sounds like he is.

We have an active forum for friends and family:

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

The stories may sound grim, but the reality is that addiction takes an incredible toll on the addict and on those that love them. You should be aware of the risk and take precautions to protect your own well being.

Anna

As others have said, it's a good sign that your boyfriend is seeking help for his addiction.

I hope you take care of yourself.

Soberwolf

Welcome Msarrote nice to meet you

january161992

wishing you the best msarotte

Mountainmanbob

If he does happen to relapse remember, it will not be your fault and will be only because of his decision made to use again. Yes, at times the addict will blame the ones around them but, as one finger is pointing out at others four fingers are pointing right back at them.

M-Bob

Algorithm

Welcome. I'm sorry to hear that you've been dragged into this.

When he gets out of rehab, you could always ask him the big, obvious question that nobody will ever ask him, in rehab or in meetings. It goes like this:
If he says that he doesn't know, can't possibly know, or doesn't have any plans, as in "I have no plans to use", trust your own instincts.

I would just keep an eye out for any obvious signs. Rest assured that you cannot "trigger" any relapse on his part, just as you cannot prevent any drug use by knowing everything that he does.

Unless you are giving him drugs or the money to buy the drugs, it can't be done. Either he will use again, or he will not.

Bear in mind that NA meetings are public meetings, and that they are not confidential. Some of the people present may be court-ordered to attend, and not everyone present will necessarily be a former, reformed drug user.

Stick around, and please take care of yourself.

Lightning Bug

I just have a second to post. I went to rehab and it changed my life. I hope he takes as much as he can from it.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Msarotte!!