Nelly1

Since my addicted spouses return from rehab, he has had good totally normal days and days where he is obviously using. I mean beyond a shadow of a doubt using. He is preaching sobriety, regularly attending meetings and talking with his sponsor, yet will come home high sometimes... All the while insisting I'm absolutely crazy and "I must have PTSD from his past addict days". I'm not naive enough to fall into or be manipulated by what he's saying... I just say "yea ok" and drop it. I literally do not have the energy to fight another day.... I no longer have the energy to have these ridiculous manipulating conversations when I know the truth. We just moved, yesterday. Our old apartment was far from our families and while he was in rehab we decided moving would be the best thing.... He insisted he didn't want old "friends" knowing where he lived and he wanted me to be happy and knew me coming back home would make me ecstatic. For a brief moment I felt like I had it all...... He was in rehab doing an amazing job at working on himself and we found the home of our dreams!!! Not an apartment... A beautiful house for us and our dog (she's like our child).... Silly me for forgetting how quickly the world can come crashing down on you. Yesterday during the move both of our families were here moving us in..we ordered food and had a little housewarming dinner... He seemed off... Big time. Today his mom informed me that she was on to the situation and I just shook my head because we both feel so helpless..... Ten steps forward fifty steps back...... I literally just moved into my dream home that I have been tirelessly working on... Painting, decorating, working so hard to buy everything new and make it a home.... And the bad memories have followed us here... Addiction has followed us here Like a leech that won't quit..... I need help. I pray for the answers.... I pray for change.... I pray for something to give here ..... Yet I sit stagnant in the whirlwind of his addiction. ... And on top of that I have everyone constantly relying on me for the answers, something I do not or will never have. What's next???? Upon taking this house I expected to move into it with someone sober....... He was sober...... Before you all tell me I'm insane,,, sometimes I really feel that way these days. For a long time he was doing good and was sober that is why we made these plans...... He chose now to go back on his hard work, his word, and break his vow to make this home a happy one with me full of new good memories and day one was ruined. On top of that I'm mortified..... It's like I can never have a moment of pride.... And I just can't take it

nutmeg713

I don't have any answers but just wanted to say ((((hugs)))) to you. I know the awful feeling that collects in your gut when you realize he is using again. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way when you should just be enjoying your new house. Take care of yourself.

AnvilheadII

im sorry this has happened, but it is the same thing that happened in March of this year:

After leaving my heroin addicted fiance for two months I soon gave in to his seemingly sober promises.... I worked my a** off to get a new apartment for us! I put up all the money and really though this was our fresh clean slate! I had spent a lot of time with him throughout that two months and he was amazing! Not using, happy, being honest, yet something was off. Instead of trusting my gut I listened to my heart and made the choice to trust him! (I revert back to the Gia carangi movie when someone said "how do you know when a heroin addict is lying, their lips are moving") and shutter at the choice I made. What I didn't know is that throughout our two months apart he was still secretively using.... He was staying at his fathers an hour away but coming to see "friends" here every now and then. The day we moved into our apartment he was high

twice now you have tried to ORCHESTRATE a fresh start, believing that if you did everything JUST RIGHT, he'd stop using and you'd get your dream.

sadly, it has been Groundhog's Day. why? because you can't FIX this. you didn't cause it and you cannot control it, no matter how hard YOU try.

he isn't done yet. rehab is not a solution, it's just a chance for an addict to get clean and begin to think clearly. rehab offers tools for living a sober life, but it is up to the addict to USE those tools, instead of using drugs.