Nalanda

So this post is directed at anyone who had a long period of sobriety and then decided to drink again......and regretting it.

Why did you decide to drink again?

When you quit drinking first was it initially "I should stop drinking" i.e. everybody`s at me........or was it "I want to"?

I'm starting to say (like many have stated) that acceptance is the key......but acceptance in what exactly. I'm seeing that it's my "relationship" to wine that has prevented me obtaining permanent sobriety......and my attachment to that relationship....and then I have a certain amount of nostalgia which is associated with wine
...

So these factors, the attachment basically, has being undermining my decision to quit alcohol permanently on the basis that it's causing me a whole host of problems. Because to the attachment to my codependent relationship with wine has turned into "for now.....but I'll probably drink again in the future.....moderating......

The basic logical premise for me to quit drinking alcohol is: Wine/Alcohol is having a DEVASTATING impact on my life and as a consequence is negatively affecting others. THIS IS REALITY, I MUST ACCEPT REALITY....and furthermore the alcohol won't change in 5,10,20 years.....it will still work in my body as mad man's juice, me turning into the Tasmanian Devil, destroying everything in his wake.

But a couple of months down the sober road and I'll here something about travel in Argentina and the nostalgia will kick in reminiscing about Malbec wine. But is this nostalgia accurate? No. Malbec wine caused me problems. I believe it was this wine I consumed one night (amongst others) and took the car out. No destination, just maliciousness. So really this nostalgia is a product of DELUSION THINKING, it's a false view of reality.

True acceptance for me then would be acceptance that alcohol (wine) results in negative and costly situations and recognizing that the nostalgic view point is erroneous.

Back to the question in the thread. If you had long sobriety did you have full acceptance and if you did what happened?

Dee74

Addiction is pretty relentless in that it wants to convince us we're not addicted.

A lot of good people let down their guard eventually, for whatever reason, and all it takes is one bad decision...

For me, personally, the key to not going out again, my acceptance, is my relationship with alcohol is, was, and always will be toxic.

There's something that happens when we get together than leads ultimately to my self destruction.

If you believe that - and keep on believing it - then I'm not sure what could drive you to drink again.

If I start to think a drink sounds like a good idea, I know I'm in trouble because a drink is not a good idea for me - ever.

That is an absolute value.

I also have a fail safe in that I like who I am now and what my life is like, sober.

I'm not disposed to risking that for anything or anyone.

D

fred59

Hi Nalanda, everyone is different and the BB is not science it was written by a few alcoholics who suffered like few have. That was a mouthful here it goes, my experience most people get to recovery late 20's to mid 30's and certainly all kinds of trouble and pain and wreckage occurs in that time but few are knocking on deaths door like Dr. Bob and Bill W. were. What is long term sobriety in the medical profession I was told 2 years is considered long term sobriety. I will be back!

silentrun

One big reason I have heard is : I thought I could handle it. However they got there I'm not sure.

ReadyAtLast

Hi Nalanda,
I've always had a toxic relationship with alcohol though it took me many years to realise it. I've had times when I quit for a month etc but always went back. By 2012 I had a small child and realised I didn't want him growing up witnessing me drinking.

I spent most of 2012 trying to quit. In Dec 2012 I did quit as I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to carry on drinking. I accepted that my life was deteriorating with alcohol and would only get worse. It didn't happen every time. Most times drank with no negative consequences. But every now and then something awful would happen.

The physical withdrawal wasn't hard for me - it was the mental obsession and breaking the habit that was most difficult. It did ease in time but I had to change most of my hobbies, habits and lifestyle. I had to learn how to deal with life and all its problems without picking up.

My life has changed so much for the better since then. Old habits do fade and I learned to live a sober life.

Despite that I picked up again a few weeks ago, against my better judgment. I stopped focusing on my recovery and forgot the bad stuff. I regret it so much but what's done is done. all I can focus on now is concentrating on my recovery and ensuring it doesn't happen again.

I'm back now and starting again with the help of SR.

fred59

I am in a hurry and a little scattered in thought, I had 8,555 days of continuous sobriety and when I decided to drink again I gave it a lot of thought. I was going to 3 to 7 AA meetings a week leading up to drinking again. Anyways not to your point I did not pick up where I left off and I do not regret drinking again I did not throw away 23 plus years of sobriety like some people said to me in AA.
Am I an alcoholic absolutely, I drank for around 600 days and when it started to control my thoughts and I realized I was in trouble I quit again got right back into recovery mode and now have 186 consecutive days sober.
I have accepted again that I need to be alcohol free or I will not live a long life and trouble awaits me.
The first 2 years are critical to long term sobriety I have seen dozens of people go out in the first 16 months so keep at it , it takes hard work get a program or 2 or 3 and stick to it I am tired and stressed out I hope this answered your ?

SweatyHands

Well, here's the thing--I am just now starting to stop lying to myself (and others) about why I started drinking again. In May of 2012, I quit because I HAD to. I was dangerously dependent on alcohol and went to the hospital for supervised detox. Fast forward to August 2015. We moved to a new state, very far away from where I lived when I was a helpless and out of control drunk. I had several months of not much to do before graduate school started, and I started drinking again. I told myself (and others) that I needed to see what would happen if I took a drink. I knew what would happen, but I tried really hard to pretend that I didn't. In reality, I wanted to drink, because I really like to be drunk. I saw my new situation, in a new place, with people who didn't see me when I was killing myself with vodka, and I pounced on the opportunity. Armed with my official story of "wanting to see what would happen," I started drinking. Slowly at first, but quickly, I lost control.

I'm sure that if you search around here for threads of mine from last fall/winter, there will be several posts filled with denial, lies, and about a thousand warning signs that I was crashing and burning. Fortunately, I had a really nasty bender in February while my wife was out of town, and my sister flew out here to try to help me. I don't advise anyone to go looking for their rock bottom, as it could have killed me several times. But, I'm sober, healthier than I have ever been as an adult, my marriage is better than it has ever been, and I'm happy for the first time in years. All thanks to honesty, therapy, learning how to ask for help, and finding a life worth living for.

Mountainmanbob

Not what I would call long term but, I went back out twice at around 3 years sober.

Reason
Was no longer grateful on a daily basis for my sobriety.

Reason
I had forgotten what God had saved me from.

M-Bob

Mags1

I quit alcohol for 8 months about 15 years ago. I felt great and received all the benefits of not drinking.

But, I knew in my heart of hearts I would drink again, and I did!

This time I stopped, I stopped drinking, end of. No more kidding myself, end of the road, it was ruining my life. I knew I didn't want drink any more, it was poison to me.

Once I had made that firm decision the rest was learning what to do so my addiction wouldn't win again. That's were recovery came in. Having the tools to be able to recognise and stop and thoughts of drinking.

With time, you don't need the tools so much, but you have them with you, just in case.

kinzoku

What calls me to alcohol is the idea of a few sips. Just a few. I haven't picked up a glass but, there it is. I'm sure its similar for many people.

What keeps me from taking a sip is the probability that I will take a few sips, then a few more, then end up....jeesus I have no idea where.

awuh1

I think my "why" was different than your why. There was no nostalgia for a drink involved in my beginning to drink after almost two years of sobriety. There was instead a "fu c it" moment which gripped me. Nevertheless I believe that the solution for both of us may me the same.

I believe that we both wanted to change how we felt just before we made the decision to drink again. We both minimized the risk of harm (to ourselves and others) that drinking might cause.

For me the solution involved something becoming more important than how I felt. In fact, I needed to have something become more important than ME.

You wrote "Wine/Alcohol is having a DEVASTATING impact on my life...THIS IS REALITY, I MUST ACCEPT REALITY....nostalgia is a product of DELUSION THINKING, it's a false view of reality".

It's no accident that the AA's second step talks about being restored to sanity.

It worked for me anyway.

Snarly

Hi Nalanda,

I'm Snarly and I have 12 days today and fairly new to this forum.

Thank you for posting this topic and your very articulate post.

I read your post and all of the members responses. This topic seems to really have touched a lot of members - some amazing feedback.

I wasn't going to respond because I'm still raw from my latest slip and and even more physically devastating from a 10 day 24 hour a day bender.

This is not my first rodeo. I have been heavily abusing alcohol and other substances since High School. Let's just say I am not a spring chicken.

Since your post talks about making a conscious decision to START drinking I will share my longest sobriety period "lapse". Is it a lapse if is intentional? ...
I never really thought about an intentional lapse in that context before. Open to new ideas and this is a pretty good one to think about.

My longest period of continuous sobriety was 9 years. I was fully committed to AA - two regular meetings a week, sponsors, sponsored lots of folks, speaker circuit and was devoted to working the program. All good so far right?

So what happened? I got complacent. The short answer.
I was doing all this great stuff... and it got BORING.
All the folks I sponsored - annoying... can't they SHUT UP.
Meetings became same stuff.. different day.

No one for me to really talk to about the way I was feeling. I would not dare "share" this with my home meeting. Heck I was one of the elder statesmen in the room.

Are you sensing something yet?
Something ... had I shared would someone who was objective might have seen and let me in on in time to save my sobriety?
Would I have even listened if they did not a few years sobriety?
Even then, would someone have the courage to tell it to my face?

I made a conscious decision to drink. Maybe I had finally learned enough about myself to drink responsibly. After all I was almost a decade older.
My younger self was gone. I was me: a greatly improved me version 9.0 (get it 9 years - got to laugh when you can)

After a few months... I got to a really bad place quickly. Worse than me a decade earlier. Introducing new and greatly degraded version negative 1.0

So sitting there in a poor me mental fog it dawned on me... AV got me!
EGO.

It took me a couple of years to get past 60 days.

Now if you want to talk about "oops"lapses or even why did my friends spike my drinking or even Doctors prescribed pills which led to relapse... please feel free to post new threads.

I actually got a lot out of this exercise.

Thanks again for posting this fascinating topic.

Snarly

ReadyAtLast

great post snarly

Lightning Bug

I had 4 years for Xanax. Then I thought, I could handle it.

It was that simple for me.

D122y

I had 8 months clean about 25 years ago.

I started up again because I was uneducated about alcohol and didn't realize I was still an addict.

Now I am educated, I am an addict, until I die.

I use this logic to stave off my cravings. I still get them....every day.

They are obviously not overwelming, but they are there.

I haven't been to an AA meeting in over a month.

But, SR all the time.

SR reminds me that the monster is out there and it is doing push ups.

Thanks.

Maudcat

I could repeat that AA saying about how your disease is doing push-ups but I won't. Because I don't know why people with a long time sober pick up again. I have heard scientists say that the alcoholic brain has been permanently rewired to desire alcohol. And that desire is always there, no matter how long one is sober. I feel that, for me, I can never take my sobriety for granted. I just have today.

August252015

There are as many different reasons for drinking again as there are alcoholics. I've heard variations on the same thing above- usually, I thought I could handle it, I hadn't truly accepted I could never drink again, or I was so [insert negative state such as stressed, devastated by something etc here]. No one ever said it was truly a legit reason, after they went back out.

For me, the problem has been removed. I thank God ever day and I work my butt off to keep in fit spiritual condition. THAT part is about how I live my life and remain EMOTIONALLY sober and living the best life I can, and not at all about not drinking. That all sounds simple- because it is. I was simply on death's door, so developing and growing in this kind of absolute dedication is the only way for me. No matter WHAT happens - "at any cost" - I cannot ever, and will not ever, drink again. I know this will mean losing my parents (they are 71 now), it could mean breaking up with my wonderful (and in recovery boyfriend), it could mean a critical or terminal illness, it could mean.....dunno. But I won't drink.

Acceptance is key - I am a real alcoholic and indeed, it is the best thing that ever happened to me. I believe in the promises and they are coming true in my life. I pray I will always want what the right people have. I also pray to remember that I wouldn't die this afternoon if I sat on a patio and had a drink; or in a few weeks when I decided a night out with wine was fine; or probably that soon....but I very well could be dead in a year and I would definitely be dead way before this 40 year old should. Not the path I want for my precious life.

MeSoSober

I wonder how many get complacent and fall into the "just for this day/night/special occasion" trap. I mean after a year or two years or however long sober, we should be able to drink and hold it together once in a great while, right? And then seriously recommit and get right back on the wagon again next day. In theory, maybe. In practice? Not so much. I tried that, and it was like waking up a fussy baby you'd just gotten to fall asleep ten minutes earlier.

I think it can be EXTREMELY hard to really grasp that things that should be "in theory" do not work that way in actuality.

Aellyce

I had 2 years of uninterrupted sobriety when I relapsed for a couple months earlier this year. It was my most typical pattern: had a period of successes and accomplishments, some very stressful situations resolved etc. I don't think that drinking again was something I planned and I did not have doubts about my alcoholism, illusions of moderation etc. It was very impulsive, I just decided one day to head to the liquor store and get wasted at home alone. Not with the idea to have a glass or two and relax, I wanted the craziness of being very drunk. That was followed by quite a few dreadful binges about 1-2x a week until I got desperate enough, stopped, and went to a rehab to straighten out my mind.

One thing was very true though: my relapse was preceded by a period of not caring much about my recovery the way I did earlier. I fell into many of my old patterns of behavior before I picked up, so that impulse was "just" the culmination of all that. I think I have an issue dealing with rewarding experiences and I have had it since I was very young. I don't tend to be triggered by acute stress, traumas etc like many people, for me it is most often the opposite. So the lesson is that I need to remain very vigilant about how I handle success, how I react to it. Sometimes I feel it's almost like a form of self harm: I get into destructive behaviors when things go well... Also, I have a tendency to occasionally experience milder manic-like states and that is when I am most prone to drinking or engaging in other addictive behaviors. I think it's mostly physiological so I need to be aware of this.

If you tried to get sober before and relapsed, I think it is helpful to examine what sorts of thoughts, feelings and events surrounded it.

SnazzyDresser

I'm new to the recovery scene. It's interesting how certain expressions are used. People who go back to drinking "go back out" or "pick up."

The fact that people sometimes go back to drinking after years of sobriety scares the hell outta me. I'm sure many of them had sworn up and down they'd never touch the stuff again and had great reasons lined up as to why they never would.