EndGameNYC

Just something that happened today.

I ran into one of my former counselors from IOP. It's happened a couple of times before. She's several years older than I am, and though I think she remembers my face, and that I was in treatment with her, it's unlikely, to me, that she remembers who I am. It's been five years, and she's probably worked with several hundred, if not thousands, of alcoholics over the years.

When I turned around and saw her, and after exchanging hellos, I said, "I've seen you a couple of times before here, but I never said 'Thank you.'"
She replied, "You must be doing well."
Me: "Yes, I am. You made a big difference in my life, and you should know that."
She: "Well, you really wanted it."
Me: "Maybe I did, but I didn't know it at the time. Besides, I couldn't have made it through something like that alone."
She: "You knew a lot more than you think you did."

She's right. One among many things I didn't know that I knew was that I'd someday have this conversation.

saoutchik

I am sure she was correct to say "you really wanted it" but we still need someone with knowledge to make us fully aware of these simple truths - she sounds really good at her vocation

There are some good people out there

Verte

EG, can you explain a little bit more?

EndGameNYC

Probably not.

The best I can do is imagine that she may have seen something in me about which I was unaware. It happens all the time when I'm practicing psychotherapy. Or just having a conversation with someone. Whether or not that was the case, I bet she's frequently had that kind of experience.

Venecia

When we reach out for help, I do think the person sitting across from us sees what we cannot. Their role -- yours, in your profession, EndGame -- is to help equip us with the tools to change that.

I hope so, anyway.

MIRecovery

I don't know how to explain it but after reading thousands of posts you get a sense from some people that they get it. That they are ready. That at least subconsciously they understand what they are dealing with. Their life may be in shambles but through all of the fear they take that first step and are willing to do what is necessary.

It would not surprise me if this is what she saw in you.

EndGameNYC

I can't say that I do very much of that. That kind of work is more suited to counseling than it is to psychotherapy.

It's much more complicated, but I basically introduce people to themselves as I experience them, help them get to know themselves better than they do, and then help them along with accepting who they are. Mostly all at the same time.

least

I stopped seeing my addiction counselor almost two years ago. I know she'd remember me if we met. I give her a lot of credit for working with me and not losing faith in me. I was a smart-ass drunk and was difficult at first. But she kept on seeing me and helped me see a way out.

silentrun

It's great to thank someone who has helped and let them know you made it.

I don't know what she meant by "you knew more than you think you did" but when I hear that it signals to me that I need to trust myself a bit more. Oh man was earning my trust back in myself hard.

EndGameNYC

Maybe this will help to clarify things a bit, but I know myself better than that. (No known pun intended.)

There are many things that we know without those things ever entering our thought. When something happens to us or when we do something that demonstrates that we knew (without ever thinking about it) what we did not know we knew, it only then makes sense to us that we already knew it. Some people would describe this as "intuition." When a spouse or partner is cheating on us. When a loved one, without ever talking about it, is going through a difficult time. When we're not in a safe place. When we're behaving in a way that challenges our better interests. That we are capable of things like courage and perseverance, without those things ever having been tested. And sometimes it's confused with hindsight bias, when we convince ourselves that we "knew it all along" by virtue of the fact that something becomes obvious to us only after the fact.

I'm content with believing that I knew that I had it in me to get sober, though I didn't know whether or not I wanted to, and didn't know how, if or when I would get sober at the time that I started getting sober, which time I also didn't know at the time.

We either are or we are not. We cannot be both at the same time.

Ooona

I work in the helping field and its so nice to run into someone who is doing well. So many times we see those who are struggling and those who are doing well, well we dont run into them again. I think thats why there is a tendency for burn out in the field, alot of times not seeing the fruits of our labor just can feel like discouraging, like, am I really making any difference?

Ill bet you made her day today, giving her that feeling that she may have had an impact and a part in your success is going to hold her over for a while, and help her to be passionate when she gets back into the office on Monday.

Thats way awesome!

Aellyce

What came to my mind reading this was that we all have motivations that drive us in powerful ways but we are not aware of them directly in the moment at a given time. I imagine that many of us who struggle with addictions have some intense desire for the problem to be resolved, to stop suffering, even before the denial clears up and/or we decide to embark on the journey of recovery. And similar mechanisms about many other issues and motivations.

This is interesting to me... do you really do this directly? Give clients straight feedback based on how you experience them? I have worked with three different therapists so far and I consider each experience very valuable, but the full blown realizations often sink in in retrospect, with a delay, internally processing the experiences. None of my therapists were very keen on providing direct feedback, how they saw and experienced me, what sorts of reactions they had to me. Sometimes I would bug them requesting this in a very direct manner and then they would say some things similarly directly, but none of them ever seemed super keen on this approach with me (three therapists with three different treatment orientations). It's been more that I discover new features and patterns in myself and in my dealing with things using the interactions and experiences with the therapist and while discussing whatever with them. It never really feels that they introduce me to myself, more that they assist me in exploring myself in new ways, more deeply and support me in finding new and more efficient solutions outside of therapy, or let me apply the lessons of the therapy experience to my everyday life and report back. But I am thinking perhaps this experience reflects how people most often relate to me, allowing me to look for and explore things in my own ways and share the result. One of the therapists I worked with had what I perceived as sometimes strong dogmatic thinking and approach, trying to force everyone into a similar mold, and we had some intense conflicts and clashes when he attempted this with me. So probably they sense this would not be a very effective approach with me -- supervisors and work colleagues most often have done the same and also people in my significant personal relationships. So quite often the best lessons for me come from exploring my own and the therapist's reactions, some I share with the therapist other I do not or not immediately. And to go back to the original thought, very often the whole experience and and lessons become much clearer and richer with time and processing, frequently realizing with delay what truly drove me at a time to react in certain ways or even to bring up issues in the order and context I did. I also typically prefer if the therapists challenge me than if they accept me and my views as they are (if they do, I tend to have a feeling I pay then for very minor contribution). Ultimately, I think even for those who want a lot of approval and acceptance from others, the real deal is when it comes from within.

It can be such an intriguing process and I often find with delay that it helped me in ways I did not even seek help!