Anger at the finder
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 131
Anger at the finder
Well we all know about hiding those bottles but what about when they are found ? Husband has found quite a few lately. For a good while I got away with hiding one in my kitchen bin under the rubbish (gross) for when I wanted to top up whilst cooking. Dont know how he found it this time, probably I let my guard down drunk and he heard me rustling in the rubbish, but when I went to top up it was full if water. I felt so ashamed.
Previously he found a huge glass balanced in the large bag if dry dog food. I felt so ashamed (again).
The worst was recently when my daughter's teenage boyfriend found a bottle down behind the cushions of the sofa in her tv room. Shame doesnt begin to cover that one. The thing is that I feel anger like its their fault, how ridiculous is that ?
Just this morning I have retrieved two bottles that I hid last night, wrapped them in newspaper and hid them in the dust bin.
Its not till you actually write this down that you realise just how disgustingly low you have sunk.
Previously he found a huge glass balanced in the large bag if dry dog food. I felt so ashamed (again).
The worst was recently when my daughter's teenage boyfriend found a bottle down behind the cushions of the sofa in her tv room. Shame doesnt begin to cover that one. The thing is that I feel anger like its their fault, how ridiculous is that ?
Just this morning I have retrieved two bottles that I hid last night, wrapped them in newspaper and hid them in the dust bin.
Its not till you actually write this down that you realise just how disgustingly low you have sunk.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 249
Lolly,
Hi, nice to meet you.
I'm new here - 10 days sober.
Your really hit a nerve with your post.
I also hid countless bottles both empty and full. My ex wife had a knack for finding just about all of them. The worst was when my kids found them.
She got so sick of it she started lining them up outside our front door so neighbors would see.
Totally relate with your feelings.
Snarly
Hi, nice to meet you.
I'm new here - 10 days sober.
Your really hit a nerve with your post.
I also hid countless bottles both empty and full. My ex wife had a knack for finding just about all of them. The worst was when my kids found them.
She got so sick of it she started lining them up outside our front door so neighbors would see.
Totally relate with your feelings.
Snarly
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
This really can be the last time you have to deal with a situation like this Lolly 
Read around, find out what's working for other people and start thinking about what a recovery plan- a plan to keep you sober - might look like
D
Read around, find out what's working for other people and start thinking about what a recovery plan- a plan to keep you sober - might look like
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 249
Lolly -
Your telling my story!
Just my 2 cents: I am not the same hurting person I was 10 days ago.
Yes first few days were not fun and pray I never have to go through that again.
This forum and its members really helped me through it and continue to be a safe haven. I have 10 days and want to keep em!
I haven't hidden a bottle since
Snarly
Your telling my story!
Just my 2 cents: I am not the same hurting person I was 10 days ago.
Yes first few days were not fun and pray I never have to go through that again.
This forum and its members really helped me through it and continue to be a safe haven. I have 10 days and want to keep em!
I haven't hidden a bottle since
Snarly
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 131
Thank you all. There are so many layers to being like this arent there. In my moments of clarity I see how mindless it all is.
Its such an exhausting, time wasting, money wasting, selfish, hideous way of being. I say 'being' because its not 'living'. I wish you all well in your journey from 'being' to 'living' again.
Lolly26
Its such an exhausting, time wasting, money wasting, selfish, hideous way of being. I say 'being' because its not 'living'. I wish you all well in your journey from 'being' to 'living' again.
Lolly26
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 249
You can join us. You might even enjoy it
Here's some of the things I thought about Day 0...
Why?
doesn't cost money (I've already saved $$$)
won't hurt you (some initial discomfort)
no more hiding bottles
living life - quality life!
what are some of your reasons for getting sober?
what are some reasons why NOT to get sober?
Here's some of the things I thought about Day 0...
Why?
doesn't cost money (I've already saved $$$)
won't hurt you (some initial discomfort)
no more hiding bottles
living life - quality life!
what are some of your reasons for getting sober?
what are some reasons why NOT to get sober?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 131
Bless you snarly. There are so, so many reasons to get sober. I am going to start right now. Tommorow I have to go on a family outing which will be booze free coz I am driving. Tommorow evening my daughter is going to a party which I have to pick her up from at mid night so no booze again. Seems like a good time to start. Will post back over the weekend. Stay strong yourself.
Lolly26
Lolly26
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Warrenton VA
Posts: 6
I used to stash bottles everywhere, I am almost 8 months sober now and told my folks at home not to be shocked if they find an old wne or liquor bottle from over 8 months ago that I have no clue it was there. How embarrassing. But that's my past now thank goodness to AA, my supporting boyfriend that has almost 8 years in recovery and God. I am a lucky girl on a new journey.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
We have many defenses we use to hide our embaressment, shame, guilt, humilation and most of all to protect our addiction. One part of our brain ( the logical) may want to stop but a deeper, more powerful part of our brain, where our addiction lives, wants the addiction to live, to survive and to thrive!
We become angry and defensive when we are ' exposed' ( bottles found, lies uncovered, truth exposed) because our addictive brain is in protect the addiction mode.
I was the same way in active addiction but in sobriety, much much less defensive. Theres still a little part of me that can get defensive at times but I have to remember thats just my addict brain and I actually talk to myself and tell myself that. That takes the power away and the defensiveness goes away as well.
We become angry and defensive when we are ' exposed' ( bottles found, lies uncovered, truth exposed) because our addictive brain is in protect the addiction mode.
I was the same way in active addiction but in sobriety, much much less defensive. Theres still a little part of me that can get defensive at times but I have to remember thats just my addict brain and I actually talk to myself and tell myself that. That takes the power away and the defensiveness goes away as well.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Thanks for the post lolly,
I never hid bottles from my family, but this is the first time I quit w a family, and I could see that a relapse might cause me to do that now. God help me.
This addiction we have is chronic. It will never totally dissappear.
Btw, Folks working the steps offer they have no compulsion to drink. That is a reason to work them for me.
At almost 17 months clean, I get the crave periodically, usually around 4 pm.
That was when I would usually start drinking myself into a stupor.
Part of my recovery has been talking about my addiction w my 13 year old son.
At his age, I was already drinking to get drunk...when I could get booze. I don't want him to go into a drinking direction like I did. Drinking, for me, was a learned behavior of an uneducated child.
I believe that is why I had such a strong reaction to quitting....I had been drinking so long....my brain was deeply used to having booze. My coping skills were booze based. I drank when celebratING and when mourning. I drank to drink.
Anyway....when I crave now...I tell myself...it is natural...I am a drug addict...addicts crave for life. The crave passes quickly now.
I never hid bottles from my family, but this is the first time I quit w a family, and I could see that a relapse might cause me to do that now. God help me.
This addiction we have is chronic. It will never totally dissappear.
Btw, Folks working the steps offer they have no compulsion to drink. That is a reason to work them for me.
At almost 17 months clean, I get the crave periodically, usually around 4 pm.
That was when I would usually start drinking myself into a stupor.
Part of my recovery has been talking about my addiction w my 13 year old son.
At his age, I was already drinking to get drunk...when I could get booze. I don't want him to go into a drinking direction like I did. Drinking, for me, was a learned behavior of an uneducated child.
I believe that is why I had such a strong reaction to quitting....I had been drinking so long....my brain was deeply used to having booze. My coping skills were booze based. I drank when celebratING and when mourning. I drank to drink.
Anyway....when I crave now...I tell myself...it is natural...I am a drug addict...addicts crave for life. The crave passes quickly now.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I'm thinking the anger comes from the exposure. We all want to hide our dirty secrets and when someone uncovers that it takes away our ability to hide it. It forces us to take a look at our problem and removes the denial we work so hard to maintain.
Even as solid as I am in sobriety I still felt this feeling. About a month after I quit I had forgotten about beers I had hidden in a cooler out on the sunporch. When I remembered I went to the cooler to get them and dump them (being 100% honest here) and they were gone. I asked my husband and he giggled and said he already found them and dumped them. This pissed me off even more. I would have felt better if he had confronted me right when he found them.
Part of me was upset that he found them because it exposed the game that I was playing. The other part was him getting such pleasure out of finding my stash and waiting for the moment I would open the cooler and see them gone. So it was a bit of a double whammy.
Either way, we try to sugar coat the fact that we really don't have a problem. Hiding alcohol speaks volumes and when someone uncovers the fact that we're doing it then we have to realize how deep in denial we are.
Take the bottles that you hid in the dust bin and dump them yourself. Then you won't have to worry about them being found. That and they aren't going to be screaming your name.
Even as solid as I am in sobriety I still felt this feeling. About a month after I quit I had forgotten about beers I had hidden in a cooler out on the sunporch. When I remembered I went to the cooler to get them and dump them (being 100% honest here) and they were gone. I asked my husband and he giggled and said he already found them and dumped them. This pissed me off even more. I would have felt better if he had confronted me right when he found them.
Part of me was upset that he found them because it exposed the game that I was playing. The other part was him getting such pleasure out of finding my stash and waiting for the moment I would open the cooler and see them gone. So it was a bit of a double whammy.
Either way, we try to sugar coat the fact that we really don't have a problem. Hiding alcohol speaks volumes and when someone uncovers the fact that we're doing it then we have to realize how deep in denial we are.
Take the bottles that you hid in the dust bin and dump them yourself. Then you won't have to worry about them being found. That and they aren't going to be screaming your name.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 131
Ladyblue, you are so spot on re getting caught out. It makes me feel disgusting and worthless. I feel like my husband is the parent and me a naughty child, its so embarrasing. You are right about them gloating over it as well. But, I would probably feel very superior if I caught someone doing something so low.
Gonna give this my best shot now and want to be able to hold my head up high again.
Gonna give this my best shot now and want to be able to hold my head up high again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527 
I'm thinking the anger comes from the exposure. We all want to hide our dirty secrets and when someone uncovers that it takes away our ability to hide it. It forces us to take a look at our problem and removes the denial we work so hard to maintain.
Even as solid as I am in sobriety I still felt this feeling. About a month after I quit I had forgotten about beers I had hidden in a cooler out on the sunporch. When I remembered I went to the cooler to get them and dump them (being 100% honest here) and they were gone. I asked my husband and he giggled and said he already found them and dumped them. This pissed me off even more. I would have felt better if he had confronted me right when he found them.
Part of me was upset that he found them because it exposed the game that I was playing. The other part was him getting such pleasure out of finding my stash and waiting for the moment I would open the cooler and see them gone. So it was a bit of a double whammy.
Either way, we try to sugar coat the fact that we really don't have a problem. Hiding alcohol speaks volumes and when someone uncovers the fact that we're doing it then we have to realize how deep in denial we are.
Take the bottles that you hid in the dust bin and dump them yourself. Then you won't have to worry about them being found. That and they aren't going to be screaming your name.
Even as solid as I am in sobriety I still felt this feeling. About a month after I quit I had forgotten about beers I had hidden in a cooler out on the sunporch. When I remembered I went to the cooler to get them and dump them (being 100% honest here) and they were gone. I asked my husband and he giggled and said he already found them and dumped them. This pissed me off even more. I would have felt better if he had confronted me right when he found them.
Part of me was upset that he found them because it exposed the game that I was playing. The other part was him getting such pleasure out of finding my stash and waiting for the moment I would open the cooler and see them gone. So it was a bit of a double whammy.
Either way, we try to sugar coat the fact that we really don't have a problem. Hiding alcohol speaks volumes and when someone uncovers the fact that we're doing it then we have to realize how deep in denial we are.
Take the bottles that you hid in the dust bin and dump them yourself. Then you won't have to worry about them being found. That and they aren't going to be screaming your name.
I agree with what you said and for Lolly, I suggest you do the dumping if you can. I dumped out some wine and it felt damn good, increased my resolve and I even spoke to that poison as it was going down the drain...." Be gone you disgusting poison, You will not control my life and health anymore!" I got some deep satisfaction out of that!
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