GhostFace

Today marks day 2 of my sobriety.

I've been going through heavy anxiety due to my drinking and cigarette smoking. It has come to the point that i almost feel paralyzed the next day due to the hangover, shakes and headache caused by the previous night of heavy drinking. Simple things like going to the barber shop, gym and even the super market has become a nightmare just thinking about it. The lost of my grandmother, suicide of a friend and lost of a women who i thought was the one at the time caused me to hit rock bottom again.

I handled the lost of my grandmother well but I was dealing with an unstable women who i taught was a God sent gift and turned out to be the total opposite. At first everything was great but then things took a 180. She started talking to me about other men, got mad at me because i did not buy her best friend a gift for her birthday and then became very jealous and would question me alot. She would talk down on me on how conservative and quiet I was and how giving i was to my family as if they were taking advantage of me. Even thoe we only talked for about 3 months, i feel hard for this girl. To make matters worst, I ended hooking up with one of her best friend, got drunk and called her to tell her sort of like a payback for playing with my emotions.

The guilt caused a great deal of anxiety to the point that i don't ever want to be around her. I seen her best friend at a bar and she acted like nothing happen. Too much confusion.

Now that I look back at it, i don't deserve this. I can be so self destructive but now i want my sobriety back. I want to go back to the gym, read, meditate and work on myself. Ive been getting random text from my family telling me how important to the family and that they care for me. Im good to everybody and sometime i see my generosity and kindness being taking advantage of.

Now back to my recovery plan. This is what worked for me before and I plan on working it again.

• Reading
• Meditating
• Posting here daily (seeking and giving support)
• Learning new skills

It's time to bury the old me and recreate myself.

Thank you for reading.

DolAndel

Thanks for sharing this, GhostFace. You understand your stressors and have some good plans. If you end up having problems sleeping, it might also help to add in some sort of exercise to wear youself out a bit.

Lightning Bug

Big hugs. You can do this!

nomis

Hi Ghost, sorry to hear you didn't quite make it. I'm not an expert on relapses or how to get back on the sobriety horse. But your life sounds pretty chaotic right now.

I know it's a cart and horse thing, but believe me, once sobriety sticks, all the other insanity starts to disappear. Having a life that is manageable again is priceless and you deserve it.

totfit

Continue to build a life on things that you will not be able to do if you drink. Find that you love them and eventually drinking will just seem ridiculous. That is a least what I did over the long haul. At 57 I am active, even took up Refereeing Soccer and and pretty involved a couple years later. I like to run, enjoy my job and family and have found that just relaxing is well..........relaxing.

There is nothing wrong with drinking for others, but it works differently for me. I have accepted this and it is not a big deal any longer. I just do something else besides drink. I think honestly one of the keys is just to keep your eye on the prize. Keep putting one foot in front of the other until you find yourself where you want to be.

Soberwolf

PurpleKnight

Day 2 is fantastic GhostFace!! Keep it going, you can do this!!

EndGameNYC

Welcome back. I hope things work out for you this time.

As is true of me and so many others, you tend to make poor decisions when you're drinking. And though it's great that you've made a plan, it would be even better were you to seek help to protect yourself from acting on your destructive impulses.

I believe it's true of most people that, as long as we rationalize our drinking based on unpleasant or unwanted life events, it will always be extremely difficult for us to stay sober.

Dee74

Hi GhostFace

I think your plans a great start but there's apart from posting here there's not a lot that specifically addresses drinking

I'm not trying to be harsh, but if you drank again, did the plan really work?

That self destructive side - how might you deal with that if it resurfaces for example?

D

GhostFace

You are right! I drank again because i had the illusion that i could moderate my drinking but now Im convinced that i have no control over it. The plan was working for me, I was trying to get into a relationship that i knew was not going to workout. Silly of me i still pursued just based on loneliness and i was at a stage that i lost a close one. I accept full responsibility and i know that i can live a healthy sober lifestyle. Im still young but im practicing self awareness and learning how to make decision not of emotions but thinking more logically.

Whats is really hard for me is Thursday - Sunday. I just need to keep myself busy and avoid certain places and people in order to make this work..

GhostFace

Good morning,

Today is day 3 and this is when things get tough. I'm at work right now and as soon as I get home im going to workout, read and take a coding course. Thursday are tough as the weekend is near and I start feeling anxious to go out. I start feeling good and since the weekend is near i want to step out but i need to relax and work on me.

Im feeling good today and i don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. What kills me about sobriety is the loneliness. I got used to being alone at first but then i got back into my comfort zone and all things went down hill.

Dee74 was right about my plan and now im worried if it's going to work out. Im not the one to go to AA meeting but i will take AVRT and see how that goes. Im open to suggestions.

Thanks for reading.

tufty13

Hey GF, great to see you.

Dee74

These two links are pretty good for plans - you'll definitely come away with new ideas on making a better plan

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

If you've decided AVRT is your thing, but you haven't really investigated it beyond the idea of an AV, I recommend you read up on it.

There's some material in our Secular Connections forum on it - e.g.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

D

Soberwolf

Good job on day 3

SoberLeigh

How are you, GhostFace? Have you explored AVRT any further?

Would love to hear from you.

GhostFace

Hey, I'm doing great. Have a lot on my plate and through a lot but I'm sober and looking for solutions to all these problems I'm facing right now.

Anna

I'm glad you're doing well, Ghostface!

SoberLeigh

So glad to hear that you are doing well, GhostFace.

Thanks so much for checking in with us!!!!

TulsaGentleman

What's wrong with trying AA? It has worked for millions and is what worked for me.

GhostFace

I tried it before and felt that I did not fit in. No offense to anybody as i know it works for others, i just need to find something that is more suitable for me.