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Old 09-26-2016, 06:09 PM
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Hey All...

Well,here I am again. I am an opiate and benzo addict trying to get clean. But, I keep failing. I feel so stupid and embarrassed to be back on day 3. Again.
I wish I could fix this. I wish it didn't have to be this hard. I am so sick I feel like I'm dying. I really wish I had made some different decisions. But here I am. And I can't change the past, I know.
I just hurt. So much.
Hope something in this post made sense.
Thanks for listening.
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Old 09-26-2016, 06:14 PM
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I'm sorry Sugarangel and I hope you begin to feel better. Day 3 is great!

You're right that you we can't go back and make different decisions, but you can learn from the past mistakes and avoid them again.

You can do this!
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Old 09-26-2016, 06:20 PM
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Thank you Anna. So much. I really needed some kindness.
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Old 09-26-2016, 06:38 PM
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I just want to give up. I am so tired. How do you get through even one day when everything just feels so awful? Or even one second, which is kind of where I am. I just zombie my way through life anymore. Whether I'm high or not. Nothing seems to work anymore. I can't get high anymore. Just unsick. I hate the life I've been living, and I want desperately to change it. I just keep falling down. Over and over. So sick of the game.
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Old 09-26-2016, 07:17 PM
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Hi Angel,

Forgive yourself of any mistakes you have made...you are more than those mistakes!
Love yourself more than ever...You are worthy of that love!
Find a way to get through the night, you deserve a chance at happiness!!

I have been on the crazy train for so long..getting on, getting off..

I am done! You can also be done! Fight like there is no tomorrow!

And then love yourself some more...hugs from Arizona
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Old 09-26-2016, 07:33 PM
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Thanks for posting, sugarangel. Though opiates weren't my drug of choice (I was all about the booze and benzos), my physical and emotional withdrawal were pretty rough...specifically the first few days. The best thing someone told me a few days in was, "You never have to feel this way again." They were right. I haven't felt that way since and like you it was not my first attempt to get sober.

So, you never, ever have to feel this way again! Ever! You just need to find a recovery plan that works for you. Have you thought about seeing a doctor and talking to them about treatment options? I'd recommend that and a support group like AA or NA and SR, of course!
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Old 09-26-2016, 08:14 PM
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Thanx you guys...
Two things in those posts really stuck out for me. Well, three. Forgive myself, love myself, and by virtue of the first two, maybe never feel this way again. This is the hardest trifecta ever, because I'm terrible at forgiveness and lo e when it comes to myself. I need to learn this.
I just wish I were anybody else but me right now.
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Old 09-26-2016, 08:48 PM
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Welcome back sugarangel
Here's to different decisions in future

D
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Old 09-26-2016, 09:17 PM
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Thanx Dee... I'm all about that idea.
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Old 09-26-2016, 09:31 PM
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Welcome back x
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Old 09-26-2016, 09:35 PM
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Thanx SW...
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Old 09-26-2016, 09:44 PM
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Sugar - day 3 is quite an accomplishment in itself. I went years without being able to do that.

Forgiving oneself is easier said than done. For me, I find it difficult to forgive myself even when I know I will feel better for doing so. In that moment I don't believe I deserve forgiveness. Sometimes I will pray for willingness to forgive myself. If that doesn't work I try praying for the willingness for the willingness to forgive myself.

You have just made it through 3 days of hell. Maybe it is time to give yourself a break and realize that you are doing the best you can for the moment.
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Old 09-26-2016, 10:23 PM
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3 days used to be my max and I only ever defeated it once. You are remarkably stronger than you give yourself credit for...but that's why we are here
Sometimes recovery truly is minute by minute. Then suddenly an hour will pass, or an afternoon, without your even realizing. I already can see from your current display of strength that you will get there, and the dark days will be behind you. Good luck on your story
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Old 09-26-2016, 10:37 PM
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Hi sugarangel, welcome back.
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Old 09-27-2016, 06:59 AM
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Hi guys...
Thank you so much for the wonderful posts and words of encouragement. I needed them so much. Was really cool to get up this morning and see them. It means everything.

Well, rolling on day 4. Still feel pretty awful. But I did get some actual sleep last night. Without the aidof any pills. First time since 2009. That surprised me.
I wish I could enjoy the accomplishment in that, but I feel like I should and have to do more. But I can't. I still feel like a truck hit me.
And, I am having a terrible time starting my day. I miss morning high so much.
Tell you what tho. I won't miss morning w/d's.
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Old 09-27-2016, 03:16 PM
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Whats your plan this time strangeangel?
D
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Old 09-27-2016, 03:41 PM
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Lol Dee... I am strange alright!
To be really really honest, I don't know what I'm doing. I have no plan. I an so stuck.
I am barely hanging on right now, so your post cameright in time. Thanx for that.
So I had a complete meltdown and called my dealer. But I hung up right away and camd here. I just am literally hanging on for dear life right now. I can't go through this again. I just can't.
But man, I am scared. To never get high or drunk again ever? Never ever? Really?
Ah, I just want to cry.
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Old 09-27-2016, 03:43 PM
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Aren't you glad you asked? lol
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Old 09-27-2016, 03:48 PM
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I am glad I asked cos I hope you might get something out of this link SA

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D
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Old 09-27-2016, 03:51 PM
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Thanx Dee..,Seriously.
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