6 Months Sober
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
6 Months Sober
I have been alcohol-free for a little over six months and I am finding myself in need of a little support - and a check in.
With the exception of my husband, nobody knows I had a problem and nobody knows I am sober. I believe I have made progress and positive change to the point that I no longer recognize myself, which is great considering how I was living my life. However, not recognizing yourself causes further loneliness and it has been tough doing this without some type of regular support.
When I mean I don't recognize myself, it is probably because I never took a hard look at myself before, so maybe it is more like me learning about myself for the first time and wondering if I would qualify as a "good person."
I used to wake up and either make an excuse as to why I couldn't meet my daily obligations, or pretend to be sick and move more slowly. I would stash bottles of wine and beer in hidden corners of my bedroom and laundry room, until my husband began learning about my secret places. When pressed, I would lie, beg for another chance. Stay sober for a few weeks, then start over again - and so on. That kind of deception never bothered me, and that is troubling. Like I said, I am still learning about myself.
I still have strong cravings which are usually set off by stress and low self-esteem days. The cravings are intense; it feels like demon possession.
I realize that if I ride them out, it is just an impulsive, fleeting urge I can handle for ten minutes. I ask myself, "then, what?" and depending on how creative I am feeling, I can envision a pretty unsavory conclusion to "just one drink."
This is the fifth year since I first started recovery.
But - all in all, I don't think about alcohol and if I do it is usually negative thoughts. Alcohol addiction nearly killed me and I now see it for what it is: a societal cancer.
Alcohol made being an adult with Aspergers tolerable, but it made situations tolerable temporarily (and only tolerable for me). Dealing with how I interact with people has been the hardest part of recovery. I never realized how short-tempered I am with people and that I make them feel unwanted and uncomfortable sometimes. I talk over people constantly, maneuver conversations back into my comfort zone and it leaves people feeling alienated.
I don't want to make people uncomfortable anymore and I do not want to go about bettering myself by destroying who I am fundamentally. This kind of stuff is the hard part of getting sober and me avoiding introspection was the reason I never stayed sober. Learning to accept and love others and myself, that is the challenge.
Thanks for hearing me out and thank you to everyone for sharing their stories.
With the exception of my husband, nobody knows I had a problem and nobody knows I am sober. I believe I have made progress and positive change to the point that I no longer recognize myself, which is great considering how I was living my life. However, not recognizing yourself causes further loneliness and it has been tough doing this without some type of regular support.
When I mean I don't recognize myself, it is probably because I never took a hard look at myself before, so maybe it is more like me learning about myself for the first time and wondering if I would qualify as a "good person."
I used to wake up and either make an excuse as to why I couldn't meet my daily obligations, or pretend to be sick and move more slowly. I would stash bottles of wine and beer in hidden corners of my bedroom and laundry room, until my husband began learning about my secret places. When pressed, I would lie, beg for another chance. Stay sober for a few weeks, then start over again - and so on. That kind of deception never bothered me, and that is troubling. Like I said, I am still learning about myself.
I still have strong cravings which are usually set off by stress and low self-esteem days. The cravings are intense; it feels like demon possession.
I realize that if I ride them out, it is just an impulsive, fleeting urge I can handle for ten minutes. I ask myself, "then, what?" and depending on how creative I am feeling, I can envision a pretty unsavory conclusion to "just one drink."This is the fifth year since I first started recovery.
But - all in all, I don't think about alcohol and if I do it is usually negative thoughts. Alcohol addiction nearly killed me and I now see it for what it is: a societal cancer.
Alcohol made being an adult with Aspergers tolerable, but it made situations tolerable temporarily (and only tolerable for me). Dealing with how I interact with people has been the hardest part of recovery. I never realized how short-tempered I am with people and that I make them feel unwanted and uncomfortable sometimes. I talk over people constantly, maneuver conversations back into my comfort zone and it leaves people feeling alienated.
I don't want to make people uncomfortable anymore and I do not want to go about bettering myself by destroying who I am fundamentally. This kind of stuff is the hard part of getting sober and me avoiding introspection was the reason I never stayed sober. Learning to accept and love others and myself, that is the challenge.
Thanks for hearing me out and thank you to everyone for sharing their stories.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Congratulations on 6 months. Your post and sharing is very honest, and self-aware. I understand the part about SMART making most sense- I would think, though, that adding a group component, or a people-support-one (even if just one or two people) would be amazingly helpful to you now. You don't have to keep doing it alone; I can relate to much of what you said about hiding, and (for me, re-) learning about myself and I know that a huge part if it is relational. I have tremendous support in my AA sponsor and friends, my in-recovery boyfriend, my close friends and my parents. My "team" is vital to my great life on this side. Especially because life isn't all roses just because I am sober (going on 8mo now) but truly living it is an amazing gift.
Good luck- hope to see you around here. SR is one community you can really get into if you want!
Good luck- hope to see you around here. SR is one community you can really get into if you want!
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 744
I haven't been having as much trouble at least lately with cravings the way you are describing but I'm definitely on this up and down emotional roller coaster. One day or week feeling extremely positive, energetic, and motivated, then feeling tired, unmotivated, restless, and down on myself. I'm working through a lot of things that I drank away for the past 5 years.
I'm finding the more I can get outside of my head the better. I'm really work on slowly trying to establish more social connections so I don't feel so isolated. I'm in AA but it's a challenge for me...have mixed feelings. I'm not very sociable so it's all a bit energy draining but alternately I think I feel worse when I isolate.
Are you doing anything specific to work through some of the social challenges you described? Since only you and your husband know about what you are going through (I know I'm pretty limited personally on how much I can talk openly with my husband) have you thought about working with a counselor? Maybe someone who is more action focused?
There was a really good thread a couple,of days ago I saw on the staged of relapse. Not that you are necessarily in danger of relapsing but it talks about the things that happen well ahead of it. If you didn't see it and are interested, let me know and I'll try to find the link for you. I found it very good info.
I'm finding the more I can get outside of my head the better. I'm really work on slowly trying to establish more social connections so I don't feel so isolated. I'm in AA but it's a challenge for me...have mixed feelings. I'm not very sociable so it's all a bit energy draining but alternately I think I feel worse when I isolate.
Are you doing anything specific to work through some of the social challenges you described? Since only you and your husband know about what you are going through (I know I'm pretty limited personally on how much I can talk openly with my husband) have you thought about working with a counselor? Maybe someone who is more action focused?
There was a really good thread a couple,of days ago I saw on the staged of relapse. Not that you are necessarily in danger of relapsing but it talks about the things that happen well ahead of it. If you didn't see it and are interested, let me know and I'll try to find the link for you. I found it very good info.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
I am not feeling close to relapse, just hitting that emotional wall that has come for me around six months sober in the past. It is tough.
One of the things that helps is that I physically can't drink anymore without vomiting or getting a migraine with an aura in a couple of hours. Towards the end of the last moderation experiment, I became increasingly intolerant of alcohol in small amounts as it is a reliable migraine trigger. My main health issue now is migraine management - which, in of itself, is isolating. I have spent time and effort focusing on my physical health, but not my mental health and wellbeing.
It feels really good to be back here and reading stories from others who are going through nearly the same feelings I have helps to quell the isolation a bit.
One of the things that helps is that I physically can't drink anymore without vomiting or getting a migraine with an aura in a couple of hours. Towards the end of the last moderation experiment, I became increasingly intolerant of alcohol in small amounts as it is a reliable migraine trigger. My main health issue now is migraine management - which, in of itself, is isolating. I have spent time and effort focusing on my physical health, but not my mental health and wellbeing.
It feels really good to be back here and reading stories from others who are going through nearly the same feelings I have helps to quell the isolation a bit.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 744
I find hearing others stories and the things we all have in common as we fight for our recovery is so helpful as well 
. This stuff is not for the faint of heart, is it?
I'm sorry to hear about the migraines. Those are so very difficult and painful.
And I agree I think the first 6 months was so much focused on the physical recovery and the emotional underlying stuff will have to be the next big area of focus. One thing I do know is it is all worth it. The difference in me now from 5 to 6 months ago is night and day. Sending you lots of positive thoughts!
. This stuff is not for the faint of heart, is it? I'm sorry to hear about the migraines. Those are so very difficult and painful.
And I agree I think the first 6 months was so much focused on the physical recovery and the emotional underlying stuff will have to be the next big area of focus. One thing I do know is it is all worth it. The difference in me now from 5 to 6 months ago is night and day
. Sending you lots of positive thoughts!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Congratulations on six months Pouncer - I'm really glad to read this
I'm not sure this will help but I had to change my life when I got sober.
Partly this was because my old life was all about drinking, but also because just dealing with life sober - in a way I hadn't for years - contributed to me growing, learning new social skills, new healthy ways to deal with stress etc.
My old life not longer 'fit' who I was now.
I think it's worth thinking about what things like happiness contentment and fulfillment would look like to you and what it might take for you to get there?
D
I'm not sure this will help but I had to change my life when I got sober.
Partly this was because my old life was all about drinking, but also because just dealing with life sober - in a way I hadn't for years - contributed to me growing, learning new social skills, new healthy ways to deal with stress etc.
My old life not longer 'fit' who I was now.
I think it's worth thinking about what things like happiness contentment and fulfillment would look like to you and what it might take for you to get there?
D
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Six months of recovery is terrific. I hope you take time to be proud of yourself.
One thing that I completely related to was when you said the lying and deception didn't really bother you. I was the same. I told myself that lying about drinking was different and okay. It took me awhile to gain the perspective I needed and to understand that honesty would begin with me being honest with myself.
I changed completely as you said you have, but I saw it as finding the real me and allowing myself to express who I am, not who I thought I needed to be.
One thing that I completely related to was when you said the lying and deception didn't really bother you. I was the same. I told myself that lying about drinking was different and okay. It took me awhile to gain the perspective I needed and to understand that honesty would begin with me being honest with myself.
I changed completely as you said you have, but I saw it as finding the real me and allowing myself to express who I am, not who I thought I needed to be.
Keep going, it does get better. 
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Congratulations on 6 months sober, that is wonderful.
I am a big believer in getting through the first and sometimes seconds, thirds or even fourth of any occasion, seasons, activity, dinners out, happy times, sad times, arguments and everything else associated with or where we would consume alcohol.
Along the way, we tend to adjust to these situations and can learn more about ourselves; it gets easier, as sober becomes the new normal.
I am a big believer in getting through the first and sometimes seconds, thirds or even fourth of any occasion, seasons, activity, dinners out, happy times, sad times, arguments and everything else associated with or where we would consume alcohol.
Along the way, we tend to adjust to these situations and can learn more about ourselves; it gets easier, as sober becomes the new normal.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Thanks Anna, Dee, and all,
I guess I didn't really think about taking the time to be proud of myself. I didn't expect the congrats, which made it all the more nicer. Thank you.
The thing Anna said about being content with who you are and not trying to change myself - that is really important. I have always been goal-driven and not meeting goals was a major trigger for relapse.
Thanks again for the well wishes.
I guess I didn't really think about taking the time to be proud of myself. I didn't expect the congrats, which made it all the more nicer. Thank you.
The thing Anna said about being content with who you are and not trying to change myself - that is really important. I have always been goal-driven and not meeting goals was a major trigger for relapse.
Thanks again for the well wishes.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
It seems to me maybe recovery doesn't feel like its a tool for you in bettering your life right now, which is dangerous. I was talking with a friend today and he was surprised I was over a year sober. I told him about all the ways being sober makes my life better and he was really impressed.
Being sober makes my life harder, but also better.
I think being sober could help you in socializing but maybe you need more practice in being an empathetic listener. Perhaps take a course in speaking, work on meditation or mindfulness, or even read a book on social psychology.
I was once very socially inept myself, to the point of creeping people out or relying on alcohol to smooth over bumps in myself and others. But now I feel at ease talking to strangers, public speaking, ect. It took time and effort but I love the results. I believe it is indeed possible.
I was lucky to have exposure to jobs that required me to speak to hundreds of people a day and today my job requires me to basically entertain and educate rooms full of people for eight hours so I had to learn to be an empathetic speaker and listener or...well...I'd be fired.
A lot of people recommend the book "how to win friends and influence people". For mindfulness I recommend The Power of Now.
I do not subscribe to the notion that social shortcomings are inherent and unchangeable.
Being sober makes my life harder, but also better.
I think being sober could help you in socializing but maybe you need more practice in being an empathetic listener. Perhaps take a course in speaking, work on meditation or mindfulness, or even read a book on social psychology.
I was once very socially inept myself, to the point of creeping people out or relying on alcohol to smooth over bumps in myself and others. But now I feel at ease talking to strangers, public speaking, ect. It took time and effort but I love the results. I believe it is indeed possible.
I was lucky to have exposure to jobs that required me to speak to hundreds of people a day and today my job requires me to basically entertain and educate rooms full of people for eight hours so I had to learn to be an empathetic speaker and listener or...well...I'd be fired.
A lot of people recommend the book "how to win friends and influence people". For mindfulness I recommend The Power of Now.
I do not subscribe to the notion that social shortcomings are inherent and unchangeable.
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