Need advice.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: South east
Posts: 194
Need advice.
Hi, I've been coming here for about a year. Managed to stay sober throughout the summer (which is a blessing) while I traveled the country. I left for that reason and that reason only - to get my head on straight, and I did. I worked free for a nonprofit organization and even recieved volunteer of the year. It was absolutely amazing. I am prescribed Klonopin 2mg daily and managed to taper down to .25mg almost seamlessly.
Before leaving, I was drinking very heavily and couldn't get past five days of sobriety - just enough to let my body recoup. One of the main reasons I left was to get away from my job because it was causing me immense stress and anxiety. I didn't mesh well with my Geneal Manager and we bumped head constantly. I work in the restaurant industry and honestly one of the best in my state so I have the flexibility to leave when I need to. Amazingl, he let me go.
I've been home for a little over a month now and it seems like we're right back where we started. He sat me down right when I got back and told me he was going to put me on a "3 month probation period" which I find d to be very mind raping and unhealthy. He notices things are wrong with me, but in general, they're only really bad with my job situation. This has started me back on booze. Once again, I'm hitting these 5 day stints followed by a 5 day binge. I'm 72 hours sober now. The constant badgering and constant looking over my shoulder has driven my anxiety WAY up and I'm taking 2mg of Klonopin again just to stay some what calm.
It seems like every few days he wants to sit me down and ask me what's wrong - and I explain to him that it really bothers me the way he's been treating me again. He'll pick at the small things that I do and has now "punished" to a very small section wich has severely cut back my income. This is starting to really scare me - which also drives my anxiety up even more. I just moved into a new apartment 3 weeks ago and I'm so panicked about losing my job that all I'm doing is saving my money to pay rent 3 months in advance because I'm scared I'm going to lose my job.
I live off of a 15 dollar a week food budget, and don't even drive my car because I don't want to waste gas. I unplug every outlet from my wall so to not waste any kind of energy and barely turn on my AC. I'm really living severely under my own means.
Last night, he again wanted to have a conversation with me. I almost cried and I'm a grown man. He pointed out simple mistakes to me and again, asked me what was wrong with me. It eventually lead to a good conversation and I asked him to point out things that I could do better at. I also asked him to have a conversation with me like that once a week. All and all, it went well but he proclaimed to keep me in small sections for a while until I can prove myself again. He told me he was going to treat me as if I were a new employee. I'm really finding this to be super unhealthy and I can't stop obsessing over making a mistake.
Here's the dilemma. I like my job, not love, but like it. It's more the people I work with. I don't want to get fired, but I do want a better relationship with my General Manager. I have told him this several times over the past month - and I'm really working hard at it. I just don't feel appreciated. I've been offered a job managing a restaurant full time, but really don't want to start over - when in actuality, that's basically what I'm doing right now.
The job is a very slow restaurant and I'm unsure to take the leap and move on for fear that they will close soon. I don't want to drink. I'm gonna jump back into meetings next week and absolutely try to stay positive.
What are people's thoughts in this situation? Sorry about the long post, I just needed to put this out there.
Thanks.
Before leaving, I was drinking very heavily and couldn't get past five days of sobriety - just enough to let my body recoup. One of the main reasons I left was to get away from my job because it was causing me immense stress and anxiety. I didn't mesh well with my Geneal Manager and we bumped head constantly. I work in the restaurant industry and honestly one of the best in my state so I have the flexibility to leave when I need to. Amazingl, he let me go.
I've been home for a little over a month now and it seems like we're right back where we started. He sat me down right when I got back and told me he was going to put me on a "3 month probation period" which I find d to be very mind raping and unhealthy. He notices things are wrong with me, but in general, they're only really bad with my job situation. This has started me back on booze. Once again, I'm hitting these 5 day stints followed by a 5 day binge. I'm 72 hours sober now. The constant badgering and constant looking over my shoulder has driven my anxiety WAY up and I'm taking 2mg of Klonopin again just to stay some what calm.
It seems like every few days he wants to sit me down and ask me what's wrong - and I explain to him that it really bothers me the way he's been treating me again. He'll pick at the small things that I do and has now "punished" to a very small section wich has severely cut back my income. This is starting to really scare me - which also drives my anxiety up even more. I just moved into a new apartment 3 weeks ago and I'm so panicked about losing my job that all I'm doing is saving my money to pay rent 3 months in advance because I'm scared I'm going to lose my job.
I live off of a 15 dollar a week food budget, and don't even drive my car because I don't want to waste gas. I unplug every outlet from my wall so to not waste any kind of energy and barely turn on my AC. I'm really living severely under my own means.
Last night, he again wanted to have a conversation with me. I almost cried and I'm a grown man. He pointed out simple mistakes to me and again, asked me what was wrong with me. It eventually lead to a good conversation and I asked him to point out things that I could do better at. I also asked him to have a conversation with me like that once a week. All and all, it went well but he proclaimed to keep me in small sections for a while until I can prove myself again. He told me he was going to treat me as if I were a new employee. I'm really finding this to be super unhealthy and I can't stop obsessing over making a mistake.
Here's the dilemma. I like my job, not love, but like it. It's more the people I work with. I don't want to get fired, but I do want a better relationship with my General Manager. I have told him this several times over the past month - and I'm really working hard at it. I just don't feel appreciated. I've been offered a job managing a restaurant full time, but really don't want to start over - when in actuality, that's basically what I'm doing right now.
The job is a very slow restaurant and I'm unsure to take the leap and move on for fear that they will close soon. I don't want to drink. I'm gonna jump back into meetings next week and absolutely try to stay positive.
What are people's thoughts in this situation? Sorry about the long post, I just needed to put this out there.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 514
Wow,
It sounds like you've had a very good year up until recently. Well done on deciding to ditch the booze again. Good choice.
Regarding the work situation. I speak as a company owner here and it's got to be said that this manager person is possibly just acting in the best interests of the company. It may seem personal to you at the moment but it possibly may not be. Time will certainly tell.
It's hard for any of us to advise on work related matters as each situation is always different.
What I will say to you though from experience, is that if you feel uncomfortable in your job and you feel as though it's pushing you into the direction of alcohol then leave it be and start over again,
Good luck fella,
Bruno.
It sounds like you've had a very good year up until recently. Well done on deciding to ditch the booze again. Good choice.
Regarding the work situation. I speak as a company owner here and it's got to be said that this manager person is possibly just acting in the best interests of the company. It may seem personal to you at the moment but it possibly may not be. Time will certainly tell.
It's hard for any of us to advise on work related matters as each situation is always different.
What I will say to you though from experience, is that if you feel uncomfortable in your job and you feel as though it's pushing you into the direction of alcohol then leave it be and start over again,
Good luck fella,
Bruno.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Also a (former-until last fall) company owner here too. I think you're boss has been fairly cool with you. At least he cares enough to pull you in and ask questions. I think the medication and booze is subconsciously chipping away at your confidence and you are very nervous about work. I owned the fricking company and booze tore my confidence apart. First and foremost, take care of yourself. Stay resolute in your desire to quit drinking, and simply do the good job your a capable of at work. You'd be amazed how quickly things will come together. Hang in there.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome back Pajanickah 
Looks like you've gotten good advice already.
I agree it might be this guy is probably trying to do you a favour rather than single you out or pressure you - its just that some people might lack a little finesse in interpersonal work relations?
I'll bump your thread up so you can get more response
D
Looks like you've gotten good advice already.
I agree it might be this guy is probably trying to do you a favour rather than single you out or pressure you - its just that some people might lack a little finesse in interpersonal work relations?
I'll bump your thread up so you can get more response
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 166
Wow, thanks for posting this. I'm so glad to hear that you've been sober for the last few days. It sounds to me like you need to have a little faith. Faith in yourself, faith in your future, and faith that if you do the next right thing to take care of yourself...that everything will be okay.
When I got sober the first thing I had faith in was my inability to drink. I had faith that if I picked up one drink I'd wind up on a binge, and three days later I'd be incapable of facing my anxiety or the world without a high dose of Xanax to get me through. The way you describe your anxiety...that was me. I know how you feel right now. I've been there.
From there, I started running into life situations in my relationships, at work, etc., that were trying and required me to have some faith that everything would work out for the best. The only caveat was that I had to realize that things would not work out as they were supposed to if I picked up a drink. So, even when things sucked, I didn't pick up a drink. At the time it was uncomfortable, but in hindsight everything worked out as it should have.
People like us aren't meant to drink. When we do, we face a lot of friction in life. In my experience, as long as I'm sober, things might be bumpy at times but they feel a lot smoother.
With that said, focus right now on not picking up a drink. Show up to work, do your job to the best of your ability, and don't pick up. Then pat yourself on the back and call it a day because not picking up is a really big deal!
When I got sober the first thing I had faith in was my inability to drink. I had faith that if I picked up one drink I'd wind up on a binge, and three days later I'd be incapable of facing my anxiety or the world without a high dose of Xanax to get me through. The way you describe your anxiety...that was me. I know how you feel right now. I've been there.
From there, I started running into life situations in my relationships, at work, etc., that were trying and required me to have some faith that everything would work out for the best. The only caveat was that I had to realize that things would not work out as they were supposed to if I picked up a drink. So, even when things sucked, I didn't pick up a drink. At the time it was uncomfortable, but in hindsight everything worked out as it should have.
People like us aren't meant to drink. When we do, we face a lot of friction in life. In my experience, as long as I'm sober, things might be bumpy at times but they feel a lot smoother.
With that said, focus right now on not picking up a drink. Show up to work, do your job to the best of your ability, and don't pick up. Then pat yourself on the back and call it a day because not picking up is a really big deal!
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