Signs of an Upcoming Relapse
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Join Date: Aug 2016
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Signs of an Upcoming Relapse
They say that relapse happens in the head before we pick up a drink or drug. It would help me ( and possibly others) tremendously to know what some of those signs are, so we can catch ourself before it happens to me or others.
If you have experienced a relapse, Can you help by sharing signs that you recognize now that your sobriety was in danger?
Thanks!
If you have experienced a relapse, Can you help by sharing signs that you recognize now that your sobriety was in danger?
Thanks!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
"Are you climbing the Relapse Ladder?"
Relapse is at the top of a nine step ladder of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The lowest rung is called happy memories. "Happy memories" means that you are thinking about the good times you had while you were using. The next rung up is called "I wasn't that bad." This occurs when you tell yourself you weren't really that bad, that your addiction was someone else's fault, that your problem was caused by anything except your disease.
The next rung higher is stopping treatment. This means that you cease going to meetings, you stop practicing the steps, you don't have time to see your therapist, you stop talking to your sponsor, you don't do your daily meditation. When you stop treatment, you pretend that you can stay sober by doing nothing. The fourth rung is called high risk situations. Examples are you return to the bar that you used to frequent, you begin hanging out with your old using friends, you spend long periods of time isolating in the basement where you used to drink vodka. You put yourself in these situations not thinking that you will use there, but just to experience the feeling of being there again.
The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance. During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion. You may even get really happy and you remember how you always drank to celebrate. Now you are really getting higher on the ladder, and like any ladder, the higher you go, the more dangerous the climb. Also, the higher you go, the more committed you are to reaching the top.
The sixth rung is fantasizing. Now, you are spending increasing periods of your day thinking about using for no apparent reason. Fantasizing leads to the seventh rung, getting ready to use. This means you intend to use and you plan how you are going to relapse. You tell yourself that tonight when my husband is asleep, I am going to sneak out to the Bar. You make arrangements to buy drugs. You return to the internet porn site. You get dressed to go to the casino. You think through the exact steps of where you are going to go to get your drugs, drink, or act out. On the next rung, you actually get the drugs or order the drink. You acquire the tools of relapse. On this rung, you may feel a terrible panic, and unless you reach out to someone (which is now incredibly difficult to do because you are so committed to reaching the top), you step up to the final and ninth rung which is Relapse. As you know, the Relapse rung has a crack in it and cannot bear your weight. So you come crashing down. Sometimes the crash happens immediately. Sometimes, the crack worsens over time. But since there is a crack, you will fall. If you survive the fall, you will feel guilt at having relapsed. You will resolve to stop using. And unless you get treatment, you will start the terrible climb back up the relapse ladder beginning with the first rung which is…..
© 2016 Blitzen, LLC, all rights reserved.
Relapse is at the top of a nine step ladder of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The lowest rung is called happy memories. "Happy memories" means that you are thinking about the good times you had while you were using. The next rung up is called "I wasn't that bad." This occurs when you tell yourself you weren't really that bad, that your addiction was someone else's fault, that your problem was caused by anything except your disease.
The next rung higher is stopping treatment. This means that you cease going to meetings, you stop practicing the steps, you don't have time to see your therapist, you stop talking to your sponsor, you don't do your daily meditation. When you stop treatment, you pretend that you can stay sober by doing nothing. The fourth rung is called high risk situations. Examples are you return to the bar that you used to frequent, you begin hanging out with your old using friends, you spend long periods of time isolating in the basement where you used to drink vodka. You put yourself in these situations not thinking that you will use there, but just to experience the feeling of being there again.
The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance. During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion. You may even get really happy and you remember how you always drank to celebrate. Now you are really getting higher on the ladder, and like any ladder, the higher you go, the more dangerous the climb. Also, the higher you go, the more committed you are to reaching the top.
The sixth rung is fantasizing. Now, you are spending increasing periods of your day thinking about using for no apparent reason. Fantasizing leads to the seventh rung, getting ready to use. This means you intend to use and you plan how you are going to relapse. You tell yourself that tonight when my husband is asleep, I am going to sneak out to the Bar. You make arrangements to buy drugs. You return to the internet porn site. You get dressed to go to the casino. You think through the exact steps of where you are going to go to get your drugs, drink, or act out. On the next rung, you actually get the drugs or order the drink. You acquire the tools of relapse. On this rung, you may feel a terrible panic, and unless you reach out to someone (which is now incredibly difficult to do because you are so committed to reaching the top), you step up to the final and ninth rung which is Relapse. As you know, the Relapse rung has a crack in it and cannot bear your weight. So you come crashing down. Sometimes the crash happens immediately. Sometimes, the crack worsens over time. But since there is a crack, you will fall. If you survive the fall, you will feel guilt at having relapsed. You will resolve to stop using. And unless you get treatment, you will start the terrible climb back up the relapse ladder beginning with the first rung which is…..
© 2016 Blitzen, LLC, all rights reserved.
Last edited by Dee74; 01-02-2019 at 09:40 PM. Reason: copyright
Work in Progress
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boca Raton, FL
Posts: 50
My signs are a preoccupation with how and when I am going to get the alcohol. When I catch myself doing that, I know I need to make an alternate plan asap. Drive a different route home from work, find a meeting to go to, call my sponsor. Anything to get those thoughts OUT of my head!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
In my case, I went from not being on the ladder to the eight rung: Acquiring the Tools of Relapse. I found someone's drug stash while cutting across a club parking lot (I was walking my dogs). Knew what it was immediately, knew I was going to use, and then waited the two months until my wife left town to get high, thinking all the time, I'll probably change my mind.
Yeah, right.
Lost five years clean.
Yeah, right.
Lost five years clean.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Wow!!
Originally Posted by doggonecarl 
"Are you climbing the Relapse Ladder?"
Relapse is at the top of a nine step ladder of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The lowest rung is called happy memories. "Happy memories" means that you are thinking about the good times you had while you were using. The next rung up is called "I wasn't that bad." This occurs when you tell yourself you weren't really that bad, that your addiction was someone else's fault, that your problem was caused by anything except your disease.
The next rung higher is stopping treatment. This means that you cease going to meetings, you stop practicing the steps, you don't have time to see your therapist, you stop talking to your sponsor, you don't do your daily meditation. When you stop treatment, you pretend that you can stay sober by doing nothing. The fourth rung is called high risk situations. Examples are you return to the bar that you used to frequent, you begin hanging out with your old using friends, you spend long periods of time isolating in the basement where you used to drink vodka. You put yourself in these situations not thinking that you will use there, but just to experience the feeling of being there again.
The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance. During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion. You may even get really happy and you remember how you always drank to celebrate. Now you are really getting higher on the ladder, and like any ladder, the higher you go, the more dangerous the climb. Also, the higher you go, the more committed you are to reaching the top.
The sixth rung is fantasizing. Now, you are spending increasing periods of your day thinking about using for no apparent reason. Fantasizing leads to the seventh rung, getting ready to use. This means you intend to use and you plan how you are going to relapse. You tell yourself that tonight when my husband is asleep, I am going to sneak out to the Bar. You make arrangements to buy drugs. You return to the internet porn site. You get dressed to go to the casino. You think through the exact steps of where you are going to go to get your drugs, drink, or act out. On the next rung, you actually get the drugs or order the drink. You acquire the tools of relapse. On this rung, you may feel a terrible panic, and unless you reach out to someone (which is now incredibly difficult to do because you are so committed to reaching the top), you step up to the final and ninth rung which is Relapse. As you know, the Relapse rung has a crack in it and cannot bear your weight. So you come crashing down. Sometimes the crash happens immediately. Sometimes, the crack worsens over time. But since there is a crack, you will fall. If you survive the fall, you will feel guilt at having relapsed. You will resolve to stop using. And unless you get treatment, you will start the terrible climb back up the relapse ladder beginning with the first rung which is…..
Relapse is at the top of a nine step ladder of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The lowest rung is called happy memories. "Happy memories" means that you are thinking about the good times you had while you were using. The next rung up is called "I wasn't that bad." This occurs when you tell yourself you weren't really that bad, that your addiction was someone else's fault, that your problem was caused by anything except your disease.
The next rung higher is stopping treatment. This means that you cease going to meetings, you stop practicing the steps, you don't have time to see your therapist, you stop talking to your sponsor, you don't do your daily meditation. When you stop treatment, you pretend that you can stay sober by doing nothing. The fourth rung is called high risk situations. Examples are you return to the bar that you used to frequent, you begin hanging out with your old using friends, you spend long periods of time isolating in the basement where you used to drink vodka. You put yourself in these situations not thinking that you will use there, but just to experience the feeling of being there again.
The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance. During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion. You may even get really happy and you remember how you always drank to celebrate. Now you are really getting higher on the ladder, and like any ladder, the higher you go, the more dangerous the climb. Also, the higher you go, the more committed you are to reaching the top.
The sixth rung is fantasizing. Now, you are spending increasing periods of your day thinking about using for no apparent reason. Fantasizing leads to the seventh rung, getting ready to use. This means you intend to use and you plan how you are going to relapse. You tell yourself that tonight when my husband is asleep, I am going to sneak out to the Bar. You make arrangements to buy drugs. You return to the internet porn site. You get dressed to go to the casino. You think through the exact steps of where you are going to go to get your drugs, drink, or act out. On the next rung, you actually get the drugs or order the drink. You acquire the tools of relapse. On this rung, you may feel a terrible panic, and unless you reach out to someone (which is now incredibly difficult to do because you are so committed to reaching the top), you step up to the final and ninth rung which is Relapse. As you know, the Relapse rung has a crack in it and cannot bear your weight. So you come crashing down. Sometimes the crash happens immediately. Sometimes, the crack worsens over time. But since there is a crack, you will fall. If you survive the fall, you will feel guilt at having relapsed. You will resolve to stop using. And unless you get treatment, you will start the terrible climb back up the relapse ladder beginning with the first rung which is…..
I printed this and its now on my refrigerator, great reminder. How long does this process take? Could this be coming over a period of months or years or happen in a short period of time, almost an instant?
Thanks again!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by Chanchiluv
My signs are a preoccupation with how and when I am going to get the alcohol. When I catch myself doing that, I know I need to make an alternate plan asap. Drive a different route home from work, find a meeting to go to, call my sponsor. Anything to get those thoughts OUT of my head!
Thanks for sharing!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Ooona
If you have experienced a relapse, Can you help by sharing signs that you recognize now that your sobriety was in danger?
Drinking will be different this time.
I will be able to control it.
I'm so mad at her or him that, I think I will take a drink.
I've been so good -- time to reward myself.
The list goes on and on.
Maybe best to
not fully trust the one in the mirror.
M-Bob
EnjoyingTheJourney
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,847
Thanks for posting this Ooona! I have a few binders with different Sobriety/Recovery topics and whenever I come across some great advice about a particular topic, I print it and it goes in the binder.
Carl's 9-step ladder post is one I've seen a few times so it's definitely in my Relapse binder and is a great reminder of the life I never want to live again!
Carl's 9-step ladder post is one I've seen a few times so it's definitely in my Relapse binder and is a great reminder of the life I never want to live again!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
In my case, I went from not being on the ladder to the eight rung: Acquiring the Tools of Relapse. I found someone's drug stash while cutting across a club parking lot (I was walking my dogs). Knew what it was immediately, knew I was going to use, and then waited the two months until my wife left town to get high, thinking all the time, I'll probably change my mind.
Yeah, right.
Lost five years clean.
Yeah, right.
Lost five years clean.
Looking back in hindsight, if you could have done anything different, what would it be? I so wish to learn from others! I have almost 60 days sober today and have fought hard for them! Im protecting this with my life, literally. I want to learn how to by you and others!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob
Usually it seems that I would start lying to myself (self deception).
Drinking will be different this time.
I will be able to control it.
I'm so mad at her or him that, I think I will take a drink.
I've been so good -- time to reward myself.
The list goes on and on.
[Maybe best to
not fully trust the one in the mirror. [/COLOR]
M-Bob
Drinking will be different this time.
I will be able to control it.
I'm so mad at her or him that, I think I will take a drink.
I've been so good -- time to reward myself.
The list goes on and on.
[Maybe best to
not fully trust the one in the mirror. [/COLOR]
M-Bob
Last edited by Ooona; 09-22-2016 at 07:47 AM. Reason: Blinding yellow font!! Changed to black
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by bandicoot2
Thanks for posting this Ooona! I have a few binders with different Sobriety/Recovery topics and whenever I come across some great advice about a particular topic, I print it and it goes in the binder.
Carl's 9-step ladder post is one I've seen a few times so it's definitely in my Relapse binder and is a great reminder of the life I never want to live again!
Carl's 9-step ladder post is one I've seen a few times so it's definitely in my Relapse binder and is a great reminder of the life I never want to live again!
I printed the ladder and its on my fridge as we speak!
Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
I'll pass on the bar visit -- every time.
Originally Posted by Ooona
You are SO right Bob! I dont trust myself as far as I could throw myself when it comes to this illness, which is why Im asking you and others! Thank you so much for sharing, I really get so much out of your posts, just wealths of knowledge right there!
I went through rehab many years ago and there was a married couple going through rehab together at the same time. They got out of rehab a couple of weeks before I did. They came back to an after care meeting at rehab so as to share with us that they were at a party and a plate was passed by them with some crap on it if you know what I mean and without even giving it a second thought snorted some of the devils dandruff up their noses. Obviously, they should not have been there in the first place.
Why would we deceive ourselves into thinking that we could get away with that?????
To be honest, I think that today I could go to a bar and play pool all day without drinking. But, why would I wish to put myself into that situation???? I'll pass on the bar visit -- every time.
A nice sober day wished for all,
M-Bob
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
The AV is that little voice, those positive thoughts or feelings about drinking. Some say it is the 'lizard brain' , part of our psyche that controls our survival instincts or traits. For whatever reason It has associated alcohol/drugs with a basic survival need akin to the need for sleep, or food or sex. "It" can't act on Its own, it has to send signals( eg thoughts and urges )to make us conscious of the need to act in order to fulfill that 'missing' thing. Like hunger pangs to remind us to eat, or yawning and feeling tired when it is time to sleep. We can't stop the system from functioning, but we can override the 'signals'.
In school when having to stay up late to study , we feel tired, but choose to ignore the signal , even take action to counteract the feeling in order to continue being awake. The same thing can happen on a long road trip, when we don't want to stop for a meal at the first pangs , we decide to 'ignore' the sensation and simply decide to delay stopping until we reach a specific time or place.
The 'system' works pretty well, by and large. The sensations of tiredness or hunger are subtle(at first) reminders that we are not currently meeting all our needs. We use our rational faculty and decide to forego the impulse to take immediate action. In the long run we can't ignore completely the signals ,if that were to happen our bodies would start to react to the purposeful deprivations , the signals would be more than just subtle reminders and the pleasure /pain spectrum would kick into higher gear.
In addiction , the lizard brain misdentifies an intoxicant as a true survival need then hijacks that same system used to make sure we stay fed and rested, and sends signals to the rational decision making/action taking part of our thinking to induce the actions needed to fulfill the missing 'need'. Perhaps why it 'feels' like even though we know we are acting against our better judgement , the impulses seem too compelling to ignore and acting on them feels as if we almost had no choice in the matter.
The 'system' works in a somewhat opposite direction too. Like when we decide to begin or restart an exercise regimen. The first couple of sessions cause pain and fatigue, signals to cease and desist such activity and refrain from doing it, Ever again! But our more rational nature can see the benefits that will come and we 'power ' through it , and hopefully reach that sweet spot where the activity itself is rewarding.
So whatever the impulse or signals the 'system' sends, we ultimately have the final 'rational' say , the ability to act no matter how difficult it 'feels', always rests with the rational faculty. Including ,unfortunately, the ability to ignore this fact and instead allow ourselves to act on a pseudo-autopilot setting.
Rationally identifying the intoxicant as a net negative to our well being(neither alcohol nor other drugs are survival needs) is key in being able to recognize the signals are coming from the lizard brain and are in fact wrong. The intoxicant is not a survival need and any impulse to act( and any negative emotion associated with not acting) in obtaining or consuming it are false/wrong and should be separated from and dismissed.
Consciously deciding to quit , taking a No Matter What "I will never drink(or use drugs) again and I will not change my mind" stance is all that is needed to separate from the AV . Keeping your resolve in that decision means recognizing all the thoughts that come from the AV and separating from those impules, including the idea that you will somehow, someday fail at being able to keep your resolve.
We shouldn't plan on avoiding 'relapses'( it is the AV's idea that they are inevitable, especially under conditions x,y,z ect), but instead make a plan that doesn't allow for them ( any contingencies that would allow for them are the AV, and are by definition false).
There are some great threads on these ideas (AVRT) in the Secualr Connections forum here on SR and are certainly worth looking at, especially pertaining to relapse.
In school when having to stay up late to study , we feel tired, but choose to ignore the signal , even take action to counteract the feeling in order to continue being awake. The same thing can happen on a long road trip, when we don't want to stop for a meal at the first pangs , we decide to 'ignore' the sensation and simply decide to delay stopping until we reach a specific time or place.
The 'system' works pretty well, by and large. The sensations of tiredness or hunger are subtle(at first) reminders that we are not currently meeting all our needs. We use our rational faculty and decide to forego the impulse to take immediate action. In the long run we can't ignore completely the signals ,if that were to happen our bodies would start to react to the purposeful deprivations , the signals would be more than just subtle reminders and the pleasure /pain spectrum would kick into higher gear.
In addiction , the lizard brain misdentifies an intoxicant as a true survival need then hijacks that same system used to make sure we stay fed and rested, and sends signals to the rational decision making/action taking part of our thinking to induce the actions needed to fulfill the missing 'need'. Perhaps why it 'feels' like even though we know we are acting against our better judgement , the impulses seem too compelling to ignore and acting on them feels as if we almost had no choice in the matter.
The 'system' works in a somewhat opposite direction too. Like when we decide to begin or restart an exercise regimen. The first couple of sessions cause pain and fatigue, signals to cease and desist such activity and refrain from doing it, Ever again! But our more rational nature can see the benefits that will come and we 'power ' through it , and hopefully reach that sweet spot where the activity itself is rewarding.
So whatever the impulse or signals the 'system' sends, we ultimately have the final 'rational' say , the ability to act no matter how difficult it 'feels', always rests with the rational faculty. Including ,unfortunately, the ability to ignore this fact and instead allow ourselves to act on a pseudo-autopilot setting.
Rationally identifying the intoxicant as a net negative to our well being(neither alcohol nor other drugs are survival needs) is key in being able to recognize the signals are coming from the lizard brain and are in fact wrong. The intoxicant is not a survival need and any impulse to act( and any negative emotion associated with not acting) in obtaining or consuming it are false/wrong and should be separated from and dismissed.
Consciously deciding to quit , taking a No Matter What "I will never drink(or use drugs) again and I will not change my mind" stance is all that is needed to separate from the AV . Keeping your resolve in that decision means recognizing all the thoughts that come from the AV and separating from those impules, including the idea that you will somehow, someday fail at being able to keep your resolve.
We shouldn't plan on avoiding 'relapses'( it is the AV's idea that they are inevitable, especially under conditions x,y,z ect), but instead make a plan that doesn't allow for them ( any contingencies that would allow for them are the AV, and are by definition false).
There are some great threads on these ideas (AVRT) in the Secualr Connections forum here on SR and are certainly worth looking at, especially pertaining to relapse.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Thanks D- I will definitely look into the other forums as well for information! I have seen videos and lectures re. what you speak of, that addiction lives within that part of our brain that controls survival instincts ( eat, sex, fight or flight instinct). The scientific studies and research has been impressive for sure!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by Soberpotamus
This is the book that helped me most when I got sober:
Aptly titled and is very thorough and detailed.
It really was invaluable in my early recovery. I highly recommend it.
Aptly titled and is very thorough and detailed.
It really was invaluable in my early recovery. I highly recommend it.Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
I see a lot of relapses in the first year of sobriety because some get on a 'poor me' bent and an ungrateful type mindset followed quickly by a stuff it.
The first year is tough and we can easily get derailed as we learn to navigate recovery. Gratitude helps.
The first year is tough and we can easily get derailed as we learn to navigate recovery. Gratitude helps.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Here are some of what I think are some of the best threads on the subject:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-relapse.html
a 12 step perspective
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ollection.html
and a secular worksheet
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ork-sheet.html
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-relapse.html
a 12 step perspective
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ollection.html
and a secular worksheet
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ork-sheet.html
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi Ooona,
This may sound too simple, but what has been working for me is the most plain and direct advice I got on SR: I am not thinking of how to avoid a relapse or whether there is one coming, but I have convinced myself that I want to stay sober way more than I want to drink and because of that there is no way that any event, big or small, will drive me to alcohol.
Same thought everyday makes it more and more believable, the more it works the more I believe it's going to work again.
P
This may sound too simple, but what has been working for me is the most plain and direct advice I got on SR: I am not thinking of how to avoid a relapse or whether there is one coming, but I have convinced myself that I want to stay sober way more than I want to drink and because of that there is no way that any event, big or small, will drive me to alcohol.
Same thought everyday makes it more and more believable, the more it works the more I believe it's going to work again.
P
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