soinlove

So many ups& downs with my abf, an awful weekend two weekends ago turned in to him going into hospital for several days. Now he's going to daily meetings & is his happy self. I've noticed though some things about myself this time.. I didn't panic , I didn't freak out.. I knew what he was doing ( the awful weekend )... & it made me angry, sad, but I detached in a way I think. I got to a place where I realized finally I have zero say in this, other than if I continue to ride the roller coaster. ..
I think for the first time he sees it too, sees that I realize I don't " need" him, that I can live my life and make it on my own without him if I choose too. That I'm strong too..& that I want him in my life and love him, but I love me too..& I have boundaries now..
So far he is choosing for himself to get healthy & do this..& I'm happy and proud of him & am by his side-- but it's going to take time to earn my trust back after this last episode.
Has anyone else experienced this? I kind of feel a bit uncaring .. Selfish ?.. But on the other hand, I know I shouldn't.
Love is strange at times, life is short .. Do what makes you happy is what I've decided. In the end, it's just between me & God.

FireSprite

I have been through this feeling & it's totally normal - just New. So even though it was "right" it felt very wrong, going against the grain of what I'd always done & reacting how I always had. It takes time to become the New Normal.

It was also a sure-fire sign that my recovery was working for me. I honestly feel like we don't really "see" our own growth until it is tested in ways like this. When my husband had his relapse & I remained calm & capable of putting my Plan B's into place it was a little surreal at first - that first REAL detachment involving a crisis. I still had a lot of emotions & feelings about what had happened & a lot of concern about what was YET to happen as a result, but for the first time it wasn't consuming me & I could THINK, lol.

I made sure to mentally pat myself on the back & acknowledge that this was no accident- I had worked HARD on my side of the street & had earned this new serenity.

You sound so balanced & strong - way to go!!!

LexieCat

You're just removing yourself from chaos that isn't of your making, or your responsibility. Yeah, feels weird at first, but a terrific step in your own recovery.

Hugs!

hope778

Yes, I went through this same thing. This is detachment.