Back after screwing up after 15 months
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: the coast
Posts: 246
Back after screwing up after 15 months
Hi everyone. I had a good 15 months of sobriety when I decided to screw up everything that I had been working on.
I started drinking again. I'm binge drinker (weekend warrior) and I black out 95% of the times that I drink. Yesterday I spent 9 hours at a bar. Yes, nine freakin' hours. The last two hours of the night are non-existent/a blur. I am sure that I embarrassed myself. It is such a scary feeling to have a moment when you look around and realize that all your friends had left the bar but you don't remember them actually leaving. This happens all too much to me and I am sick of it.
I am ready to quit drinking again. Sick and tired of this sick cycle that I'm in: Drink --> blackout. embarrass myself. offend others. lie about everything. gossip. spend way, way too much money at bars. make a complete fool of myself --> wake up feeling like i'm on death's door physically. mentally the feelings of shame and self-hatred are too powerful to put into words. go into work looking and smelling awful. --> the shame and depression continues into to Tuesday and Wednesday --> Thursday comes and I feel better. I think to myself it "wasn't that bad" and that I blew it out of proportion to myself. --> drink again. waste the weekend in the twilight zone while drinking and then the subsequent afternoons spent in bed hungover.
so i am committing today to break the cycle. i absolutely hate alcohol and do not want it in my life anymore. i want my sobriety and dignity back. no more blackouts, no more drinking related issues that get my into trouble with people i care about. no more obsession.
i look forward to posting with everyone again.
I started drinking again. I'm binge drinker (weekend warrior) and I black out 95% of the times that I drink. Yesterday I spent 9 hours at a bar. Yes, nine freakin' hours. The last two hours of the night are non-existent/a blur. I am sure that I embarrassed myself. It is such a scary feeling to have a moment when you look around and realize that all your friends had left the bar but you don't remember them actually leaving. This happens all too much to me and I am sick of it.
I am ready to quit drinking again. Sick and tired of this sick cycle that I'm in: Drink --> blackout. embarrass myself. offend others. lie about everything. gossip. spend way, way too much money at bars. make a complete fool of myself --> wake up feeling like i'm on death's door physically. mentally the feelings of shame and self-hatred are too powerful to put into words. go into work looking and smelling awful. --> the shame and depression continues into to Tuesday and Wednesday --> Thursday comes and I feel better. I think to myself it "wasn't that bad" and that I blew it out of proportion to myself. --> drink again. waste the weekend in the twilight zone while drinking and then the subsequent afternoons spent in bed hungover.
so i am committing today to break the cycle. i absolutely hate alcohol and do not want it in my life anymore. i want my sobriety and dignity back. no more blackouts, no more drinking related issues that get my into trouble with people i care about. no more obsession.
i look forward to posting with everyone again.
Focus on this -- single minded determination.
Sometimes we only want to avoid the negative consequences, which are often difficult to remember, hence my first question.
Welcome. Regroup. Make a plan.
Josh,
Welcome back.
15 months clean and back out. Really have to respect the addiction.
Now you are physically addicted again. You know the drill.
I'm just over 16 months clean.
Now I say....never ever drinking again. It is a sub conscious door slam on the av.
It is avrt stuff.
You have to find a hobby to immerse into. Working out might not cut it. It gets lonely at the gym. It needs to be a group function....AA....Lions Club...etc..
Trying to help.
Thanks.
Welcome back.
15 months clean and back out. Really have to respect the addiction.
Now you are physically addicted again. You know the drill.
I'm just over 16 months clean.
Now I say....never ever drinking again. It is a sub conscious door slam on the av.
It is avrt stuff.
You have to find a hobby to immerse into. Working out might not cut it. It gets lonely at the gym. It needs to be a group function....AA....Lions Club...etc..
Trying to help.
Thanks.
Sick and tired of this sick cycle that I'm in: Drink --> blackout. embarrass myself. offend others. lie about everything. gossip. spend way, way too much money at bars. make a complete fool of myself --> wake up feeling like i'm on death's door physically. mentally the feelings of shame and self-hatred are too powerful to put into words. go into work looking and smelling awful. --> the shame and depression continues into to Tuesday and Wednesday --> Thursday comes and I feel better. I think to myself it "wasn't that bad" and that I blew it out of proportion to myself. --> drink again. waste the weekend in the twilight zone while drinking and then the subsequent afternoons spent in bed hungover.
welcome back! I love the way you describe the cyrcle of madness drinking is, i had done all of these things minus going to work hangover instead i wouldnt be able to get up and would be obssessing about losing my job as well.
congrats on your previous sober time and thank you for your post!
welcome back! I love the way you describe the cyrcle of madness drinking is, i had done all of these things minus going to work hangover instead i wouldnt be able to get up and would be obssessing about losing my job as well.
congrats on your previous sober time and thank you for your post!
Hi everyone. I had a good 15 months of sobriety when I decided to screw up everything that I had been working on.
I started drinking again. I'm binge drinker (weekend warrior) and I black out 95% of the times that I drink. Yesterday I spent 9 hours at a bar. Yes, nine freakin' hours. The last two hours of the night are non-existent/a blur. I am sure that I embarrassed myself. It is such a scary feeling to have a moment when you look around and realize that all your friends had left the bar but you don't remember them actually leaving. This happens all too much to me and I am sick of it.
I am ready to quit drinking again. Sick and tired of this sick cycle
I started drinking again. I'm binge drinker (weekend warrior) and I black out 95% of the times that I drink. Yesterday I spent 9 hours at a bar. Yes, nine freakin' hours. The last two hours of the night are non-existent/a blur. I am sure that I embarrassed myself. It is such a scary feeling to have a moment when you look around and realize that all your friends had left the bar but you don't remember them actually leaving. This happens all too much to me and I am sick of it.
I am ready to quit drinking again. Sick and tired of this sick cycle
How about, "I am ready to quit drinking for good" this time?
I just posted this in another thread. I'll link it here to save me the time from typing it AGAIN.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post6142770
Glad you are back. Reading your post reminded me of the reality of how many house I spent in the dark bars. At the time I thought it was my cozy home with people who really cared about me. NOT. Spending time in the light made me realize differently.
I hope you are able to enjoy spending some time outside now
I hope you are able to enjoy spending some time outside now
Glad you are back. Reading your post reminded me of the reality of how many house I spent in the dark bars. At the time I thought it was my cozy home with people who really cared about me. NOT. Spending time in the light made me realize differently.
I hope you are able to enjoy spending some time outside now
I hope you are able to enjoy spending some time outside now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: the coast
Posts: 246
What I meant by "had been working on" is that in sobriety I had been working on becoming a better person and getting people to like me again. I was a sloppy drunk who cause a lot of trouble with people because I had a big mouth. Working on my reputation and mending broken friendships was important to me.
Thank you everyone for your kind words. The depression is awful today but I'm committed to not drinking.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Many of us know that cycle all too well. I was the same. At some point I think you'll start to notice your health taking a toll. The Sunday/Monday recovery period are more severe. Sweating, no sleep, racing heart, can't breath, and no appetite....it really sucks. You can take a pass on those weekend binges and develop a new normal. Life is better that way, I guarantee it.
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