It all makes sense now
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1
It all makes sense now
I have very recently put it together my husband is addicted to cocaine, possibly crack who knows if pills too. We have had a very bad past year, deaths, illness in the family a huge incident that a coworker of his dragged me into that caused major stress. I knew he was very friendly with another admitted cocaine user at his job. He knew I didn't approve. I asked him please do not socialize with these people. At work can't be helped but no social media coffee dates etc.. It worked for possibly a couple weeks. Then I just couldn't figure out why he kept choosing to talk to this guy (13 years younger than him) and disregard his family for a guy he knew was never going to try and get clean. This was dec/jan. And at one point we fought so bad he left hoem for a few days and stayed with this kid. Even though it was never said, we were separated but living together since Mid jan. Beginning of Aug after a huge work transition for me, I was overcome by the feeling I have had for months that there was some influence on him. I could never shake it. I mistook it for an affair but that never made sense. I started tracking his phone calls adn running reverse phone look ups. I checked his workbag one day and found a vial with traces of white powder and tiny spoon attached to the lid. I have 2 small kids so I called the police. The next day he figured it out, he willingly took a drug test and it came back clean. He said he was holding it for this younger friend. Made no sense to me whatsoever, but teh police let me drop it.
A month later and I see call logs and odd atm withdrawls. ATm withdrawls are explained as a credit card payment that went through wrong (surprise I called the CC company no 80 payment made, or 40 or 20 or 80 again) I find bottles with holds and plastic tubes. I went back a year in bank statements and saw atm withdrawls. A little detective work atm withdrawls happen on same days he calls a number that linked to a shady character on FB. His personality has been so different in the past year, I thought it was due to him starting an antidepressant last year. He was so mad that I called the cops he said he wants a divorce and wants to do it outside of the courts. Until a month before I found his vial, we had still been making future plans, he hasn't packed up and left, i feel if he wanted a divorce he would be gone. He has been sleeping on a mattress in another room for almost a month now. I imagine due to trying to keep his addiction, and not be irritated with me I also very recently found out through his friends wife he admitted even bragged about cocaine use to him last fall. They and his other close friend are now working with me to try and get him involved in other activities before we confront him. His parents want better proof, I want to tell them to help or leave me alone. Ihave lost 25lbs in the past month and a half due to this stress. I see a therapist and will start planning the best way to approach him with her. It has to be done before it gets any worse, but I have to do it the right way I suppose.
I have been reading so much about addiction and some days I just want to scream at him and others I just want him to let me help. I am scared of him taking off after a confrontation. He ahs pushed me away so far, I don't know even if he recovers if it can be fixed. Does this sound like cocaine addiction? Could he really just be helping a friend. i am so naieve and ignorant to all of this. He has manipulated and hid it well.
A month later and I see call logs and odd atm withdrawls. ATm withdrawls are explained as a credit card payment that went through wrong (surprise I called the CC company no 80 payment made, or 40 or 20 or 80 again) I find bottles with holds and plastic tubes. I went back a year in bank statements and saw atm withdrawls. A little detective work atm withdrawls happen on same days he calls a number that linked to a shady character on FB. His personality has been so different in the past year, I thought it was due to him starting an antidepressant last year. He was so mad that I called the cops he said he wants a divorce and wants to do it outside of the courts. Until a month before I found his vial, we had still been making future plans, he hasn't packed up and left, i feel if he wanted a divorce he would be gone. He has been sleeping on a mattress in another room for almost a month now. I imagine due to trying to keep his addiction, and not be irritated with me I also very recently found out through his friends wife he admitted even bragged about cocaine use to him last fall. They and his other close friend are now working with me to try and get him involved in other activities before we confront him. His parents want better proof, I want to tell them to help or leave me alone. Ihave lost 25lbs in the past month and a half due to this stress. I see a therapist and will start planning the best way to approach him with her. It has to be done before it gets any worse, but I have to do it the right way I suppose.
I have been reading so much about addiction and some days I just want to scream at him and others I just want him to let me help. I am scared of him taking off after a confrontation. He ahs pushed me away so far, I don't know even if he recovers if it can be fixed. Does this sound like cocaine addiction? Could he really just be helping a friend. i am so naieve and ignorant to all of this. He has manipulated and hid it well.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR carrington. Unfortunately addicts can be very defiant and crafty at hiding their use/abuse. It sounds to me like this person is hiding a lot and trying to take advantage of you in many different ways, and I think you are doing lots of good things to help yourself - which is about all you can do in this kind of situation. Confrontation is uncomfortable to all parties involved, but at some point you need to know what his plans are so you can move forward with your life. Talking about this with your therapist sounds like a great plan too, keep reaching out anywhere you can.
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