Hayfmr

Soon to be EXAW has been a long time binge drinker in seclusion. After our daughter kicked her out of the wedding in July for getting hammered before the wedding she left and has been living in a rental property that we own. I have filed for divorce and she has been served. She failed to respond within the 20 day deadline. She is not paying the bills or taking care of anything. All of her mail still comes to my house. I have asked her to pickup her mail and a check I have for her to live on. Refuses to do it. I tried delivering them to her house but she refuses to open the door. Refuses to come get any of her stuff or allow me to deliver it.

Anyone ever faced this problem and how did you deal with it? I plan to send the lawyer an email asking what to do. Don't want to mess up my credit rating because I will have to borrow a lot of money to get out of this mess. She has both credit card and medical bills that are not being paid. Don't think my name is on any of the credit card bills but not positive.

Nata1980

Check with your lawyer - but pretty sure medical bills are not your issue if you have pending divorce and they are in her name

Just make sure all debts in her name are to be paid by her is written into the divorce settlement.

I know my XAH is not paying his bills - his creditors kept calling my cell, I provided his new number and he is dealing with it now...

LexieCat

If I were you, I'd contact the credit card companies and make sure you aren't a joint cardholder or authorized user on any of those accounts. It COULD affect your credit history, I believe, even if you aren't legally responsible for payments.

Yeah, I've dealt with a passive-aggressive spouse during divorce proceedings. He did finally sign the paperwork (I'd told him that not signing wouldn't stop anything), but it was frustrating. Your lawyer should be able to advise you.

Oh, and while you're at it, you should discuss with your lawyer the process for evicting her once the divorce is final. I have a feeling she is going to continue the non-cooperation, and you will most likely have to force her out.

Sunshine1234

Nata...you were able to keep your debts separate? I am in a similar situation and my STBXAH is so financially irresponsible. I have received a few calls from creditors looking for him. My lawyer tells me marital debt is split down the middle but sometimes the judge will take into consideration debt accrued after separation. Also curious myself as to what happens if they don't respond within the 20 days. My lawyer said I would be awarded my requests by default. Is that necessarily true or is it not that cut and dry?

LexieCat

The problem with any joint debt is that divorce decrees may order one spouse or the other to be responsible for the bill, but that doesn't affect your contract with the creditor. IOW, if under your credit card agreement (or other debt), you agreed to be responsible for the payment, a divorce decree doesn't affect that--they can still go after you for the money and your credit report will be adversely affected.

For joint accounts, I believe the only way to remove one cardholder is to close the account--you'd still be on the hook for prior charges but at least your spouse couldn't add new charges for which you'd be liable.

This is something you HAVE to discuss with a lawyer.

CoParentToA

Lexie is right about not being able to remove someone from the joint cards. But I called the issuing bank and explained my situation, and they were able to lower - and then enforce - a credit limit close to the existing balance. That limited the damage he could do.

Sunshine1234

If only the spouse is on the credit card then the other spouse is not responsible, correct?

LexieCat

It may depend (and this isn't legal advice--this isn't my area of expertise) on whether you live in a community property state. You can read about this here: https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclope...bts-29572.html. Best advice always is to consult a lawyer licensed to practice in your jurisdiction.

Hayfmr

This is a community property state. Still waiting for a reply from my lawyer.

She is out of the house and living on her own.

Wisconsin

But if she's in rental property that you own, and she doesn't end up owning it free and clear herself after the divorce, you may need to evict her from THAT property. Hang in there...

LexieCat

Actually, the reference to community property, in my post, was in reply to Sunshine's question. Sorry, I should have been more specific.

Nata1980

I imagine it is different in every situation/state and it is best to consult a lawyer. I am not sure whether it applies to all situations - but my name was not on any of his debts. Not a community property state, my lawyer said I should have no problem as related to his debt. I am monitoring my credit score - so far so good.

firebolt

Can't wait til it's all over for you Hayfmr.

I will never forget someone here saying that leaving an alcoholic is like conducting your own amputation....with a chainsaw.

Hayfmr

She will get the rental property in the settlement. More than happy to quit being a landlord.

Lawyer says if I am worried about the credit to just pay the bills myself. I am thinking minimum payments on the cards are in order. Need to chat with my banker about it.

buk1000

I'd pull your credit report and see what is listed. If it's not showing up under your credit report, you're not on it. Don't pay it. Otherwise, you might want to keep everything current.