andisa

In a sense of desperation I landed here today. This is nuts. The "Just For Today" reading talks about emotional balance. Where's the balance. I thought, perhaps, I could sit in on some na or aa meeting today but alas, nothing is available from either until later. So I'm here hoping there's someone out there who can hear me. It's ridiculous that I don't just talk with someone I know but no-one knows what's going on inside my head because I don't tell anyone and in fact do my level best not to let anyone in. But today, right now, I need help. Or at least, distraction. From myself.

tomsteve

glad ya reached out! open up and fill us in on whats up,eh? then we might be able to help.
its not ridiculous to not talk to someone you know. if they havent been there they dont understand so they cant really help. imo, its just the truth.

August252015

Good first step in coming here. Have you looked at the Newcomer's Daily Support Threads? You can check out the Sep class, along with getting to know the other threads and folks around here.

Meeting tonight, tomorrow?

january161992

very cool that you are demonstrating willingness to try to get to a meeting later today


willingness is the key

andisa

I've been here, a lot, before. That's a long story. But it definitely helped, a lot, to be here. I've been hiding for years. Avoidance and protection, you understand. I'm glad to be here right now.

In leveling direct hits against addiction it fights back, more powerfully than I can fend off. Mostly I just let it sit there so we don't fight but lately I've (again) taken some active steps to address it, meager though they may be, and wow, the retaliation! Just very weak today, such is why I'm here.

andisa

Umm, the Sep class? What is that?

andisa

Work is a good distraction. It's my other drug. I'll go do that for awhile. I suppose. Whatever. I can't fight this anymore.

Forward12

Hang in there, there will be the online meeting at 9 est. tonight here in the chatroom.

Lightning Bug

The addict mind can be like a tornado of thought. What is churning in your head right now? What's going on?

andisa

It IS a tornado! I appreciate you for recognizing that. I don't know what's going on, except to say the fight is overwhelming and it appears to be winning. It's much more complacent left untouched. But there it sits and waits.

Anna

Hi Andisa,

Yes, this disease is relentless but you must not give up. You can do this, and as you see there are lots of us here for you to talk to. There's always someone around who can help you if you're down. I'm glad you posted.

Lightning Bug

The fight only wins if you're dead and since I am not sitting in a back alley parlor with a crystal ball and bra full of sweaty ten spots, I am pretty sure I am not one foot in the spirit world talking to you.

So, (disclaimer) addiction is addiction no matter the substance. You mentioned AA and NA, so if you don't mind my bluntly asking, what is your poison? I only ask so I know what stylish hat to put on.

Soberwolf

Here's the class of September link it's where everyone is in recovery from the month of September 2016 it really helps with daily check ins & chats & reading the threads that have lots of useful information

Here you go x

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html

andisa

Well, I'm not really in recovery, I'm in the thinking-about-the-fact-that-I probably-should-be stage, though.

When I wrote here this afternoon I was so desperate to connect with someone, anyone, safe, who could hear me. I didn't care if it was NA or AA or some complete stranger, just someone…I remembered SR here and was grateful for that.

The drug has been the supposedly non-addictive realm of hallucinogens. But it could be anything, and I know that now.

Lightning Bug

Did you get to a meeting? Sent you a pm.

least

I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

Dee74

I hope you got to a meeting.

Whatever the addiction it all starts with a day one I think, andisa

D