Humility and Arrogance
Catch 22
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 327
Humility and Arrogance
Being from the positivist philosophical school of thought I seldom bother with introspection. Being sober for four months changed that a bit.
I find that I am more accomodating, kind, understanding and sincere professionally, and exactly the opposite in other spheres of my life. With people I consider my peers I find it difficult to tolerate ignorance, prejudice and stupidity.
To understand why I feel like this, that is the question. Before sobriety I guess I felt that I owe people acceptance and accommodation because wow, they are nice enough to accommodate me as a drunk. Now I feel perhaps a bit superior which leads to intolerance.
Fortunately I am experienced enough not to show this arrogance. Yet, it is there and I need to admit it to myself.
I am not quite sure what to make of this. Self-reflection over.
I find that I am more accomodating, kind, understanding and sincere professionally, and exactly the opposite in other spheres of my life. With people I consider my peers I find it difficult to tolerate ignorance, prejudice and stupidity.
To understand why I feel like this, that is the question. Before sobriety I guess I felt that I owe people acceptance and accommodation because wow, they are nice enough to accommodate me as a drunk. Now I feel perhaps a bit superior which leads to intolerance.
Fortunately I am experienced enough not to show this arrogance. Yet, it is there and I need to admit it to myself.
I am not quite sure what to make of this. Self-reflection over.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
When I was living in the problem, I tended to either see myself as better than or less than others.
In my recovery program, as I learned about myself and uncovered my strengths as well as my short-comings, I came to realize that I'm neither superior nor inferior to anyone else. I belong to the human race.
For me, when I'm actually paying attention, that can now be a barometer of how I'm currently doing. Am I feeling unequal? If I am, I can explore that. When I find that I don't like something in someone else, I'm trying to remember to then take a look at myself.
Often there is something about them that I don't like or don't want to recognize or accept about myself. Sometimes it's enough for me to just see that I'm making a judgement. Or, I can take it further and look at where or how am I impatient or selfish or arrogant or perfectionistic or careless or overly-anxious or stupid or a know-it-all or whatever else it is I'm disliking in someone else? It's not easy and I don't always do this; sometimes I stubbornly want to stay in my old ways, but then that just makes me more miserable and frustrated with life.
I'm learning that people are at where they're at; most are trying the best they know how at the moment in trying to get along in this world, and so who am I to judge them? I'm trying to practice acceptance of people as they are; I fall short of that a lot, but when I can practice it, my life is so much more conflict-free and peaceful and I like people more and feel accepted myself.
In my recovery program, as I learned about myself and uncovered my strengths as well as my short-comings, I came to realize that I'm neither superior nor inferior to anyone else. I belong to the human race.
For me, when I'm actually paying attention, that can now be a barometer of how I'm currently doing. Am I feeling unequal? If I am, I can explore that. When I find that I don't like something in someone else, I'm trying to remember to then take a look at myself.
Often there is something about them that I don't like or don't want to recognize or accept about myself. Sometimes it's enough for me to just see that I'm making a judgement. Or, I can take it further and look at where or how am I impatient or selfish or arrogant or perfectionistic or careless or overly-anxious or stupid or a know-it-all or whatever else it is I'm disliking in someone else? It's not easy and I don't always do this; sometimes I stubbornly want to stay in my old ways, but then that just makes me more miserable and frustrated with life.
I'm learning that people are at where they're at; most are trying the best they know how at the moment in trying to get along in this world, and so who am I to judge them? I'm trying to practice acceptance of people as they are; I fall short of that a lot, but when I can practice it, my life is so much more conflict-free and peaceful and I like people more and feel accepted myself.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
What Madbird said.
In my women's AA group, we have a saying - If you feel like everyone around you is acting like a jerk, you're probably the jerk. (We don't use the word jerk. use your imagination.) What we mean by that is, take some time to figure out what is making you react to those people in a negative way - a lot of the time it's because they are exhibiting behaviors you don't like in yourself. Or that you are out of balance that day and that they are really doing nothing wrong. Or, they really are just jerks.
In my women's AA group, we have a saying - If you feel like everyone around you is acting like a jerk, you're probably the jerk. (We don't use the word jerk. use your imagination.) What we mean by that is, take some time to figure out what is making you react to those people in a negative way - a lot of the time it's because they are exhibiting behaviors you don't like in yourself. Or that you are out of balance that day and that they are really doing nothing wrong. Or, they really are just jerks.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
How would you like others to treat you? If you can answer that, then go and do thou likewise. Everyone is just trying to get through their own day, and we do not and cannot know what that means. This is not a struggle that is reserved for us as addicts and ex-addicts - it's simply part of the human condition, and we do the best we can, some days better than others.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Hope this helps. It's one of my favorites. AA History - Dr. Bob On Cultivating Tolerance
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by MLD51 
What we mean by that is, take some time to figure out what is making you react to those people in a negative way - a lot of the time it's because they are exhibiting behaviors you don't like in yourself.
"When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake.....
AA and acceptance have taught me that there is a bit of good in the best of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all children of God and all have a right to be here.
When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God's handiwork. I am saying that I know better than God.
...For years, I was sure the worst thing that could happen to a nice guy like me would be that I would turn out to be an alcoholic. Today I find it's the best thing that ever happened to me. This proves I don't know what's good for me. And if I don't know what's good for me, then I don't know what's good or bad for you or for anyone.
So I'm better off if I don't give advice, don't figure I know what's best, and just accept life on life's terms, as it is today."
(BB 417-418)
People, places and things - not our business. It is much easier for me when I remember this and just do me. It truly does not matter what others think or do, only what I allow and choose for me, under spiritual guidance.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
As an active alcoholic, I did and said things that give me absolutely no room to judge others. I do much better now, and I don't wallow in the guilt of what I did, but I certainly have no room to judge just because I broke out of that crazy personal jail.
When I learned that it's ok for me to not be perfect, I became much more understanding of other folks imperfections.
When I learned that it's ok for me to not be perfect, I became much more understanding of other folks imperfections.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Practising acceptance and tolerance of others is in my experience a happier, less stressful, more productive way to live. Even if the acceptance is not automatic or at first genuine, the very act of being outwardly accepting enables an inward and more authentic acceptance. Acting nicer makes me nicer.
I think you will have the same experience. Since empirical evidence based on what you sense and experience appears to be more important than conclusions based on introspection, you should be able to justify adopting this as being consistent with your philosophical approach.
But, as an observation of this positivist school of thought, not being a student of philosophy myself, I find it difficult to understand how that would work in day to day life. What else do we have to process outside stimuli then our own internal workings - intuition, introspection and all? It was Einstein who said:
Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand
I think you will have the same experience. Since empirical evidence based on what you sense and experience appears to be more important than conclusions based on introspection, you should be able to justify adopting this as being consistent with your philosophical approach.
But, as an observation of this positivist school of thought, not being a student of philosophy myself, I find it difficult to understand how that would work in day to day life. What else do we have to process outside stimuli then our own internal workings - intuition, introspection and all? It was Einstein who said:
Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand
Catch 22
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 327
Thank you MissPerfumado. Good advice. Pragmatism in these situations will probably work best and even if incincere, may just have a positive spin off. I have said in a post before, it is more important to be sober than to be right.
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