Family Discount at the Cancer Center
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
Family Discount at the Cancer Center
Some of you know about my mom's cancer. Well we got 100% confirmation that my dad has cancer too (The good news, though, is that it's most likely something way more treatable than my mom's cancer, but we won't know anything until the PET scan. So now we just wait and wait and wait...).
I couldn't even bear to talk to my ASister about it. I know in normal families she would be the first person I would talk to, but the thought of even talking to her just turns my stomach. I just remember the sound of complete, utter, detachment when I told her that my mom had threatened suicide and I had to send her to the ER. She said "I'm sorry, but I can't help but start laughing." And then she couldn't understand why I didn't want to talk to her anymore.
So I sent her a text. I'm sure it will be on the List of Things That I've Done Wrong, but I'm just tired of dealing with her.
At the same time I feel so guilty about it. I feel guilty that I'm already thinking, oh she's going to fail us by doing XYZ when she hasn't done anything yet. At the same time, her past behaviour doesn't give me much confidence that she'll step up to the plate. Sometimes I think I condemn her because I'm the Good Sister and she's the Bad Sister and those are the roles we're supposed to play.
But mostly, I'm tired of dealing with this, with everything, period. I want to fly to Hawaii and get those stupid cocktails with umbrellas in them. I want to dance in conga lines until 3AM in the morning. I want to be in a place where the words cancer, addict and delusion just don't exist. I'm angry that she gets to run away but I can't. I can't because I won't.
Pardon my language, but f***ity f**k f**k f**k.
I couldn't even bear to talk to my ASister about it. I know in normal families she would be the first person I would talk to, but the thought of even talking to her just turns my stomach. I just remember the sound of complete, utter, detachment when I told her that my mom had threatened suicide and I had to send her to the ER. She said "I'm sorry, but I can't help but start laughing." And then she couldn't understand why I didn't want to talk to her anymore.
So I sent her a text. I'm sure it will be on the List of Things That I've Done Wrong, but I'm just tired of dealing with her.
At the same time I feel so guilty about it. I feel guilty that I'm already thinking, oh she's going to fail us by doing XYZ when she hasn't done anything yet. At the same time, her past behaviour doesn't give me much confidence that she'll step up to the plate. Sometimes I think I condemn her because I'm the Good Sister and she's the Bad Sister and those are the roles we're supposed to play.
But mostly, I'm tired of dealing with this, with everything, period. I want to fly to Hawaii and get those stupid cocktails with umbrellas in them. I want to dance in conga lines until 3AM in the morning. I want to be in a place where the words cancer, addict and delusion just don't exist. I'm angry that she gets to run away but I can't. I can't because I won't.
Pardon my language, but f***ity f**k f**k f**k.
Last edited by PuzzledHeart; 09-15-2016 at 04:44 PM. Reason: The SR Swear God told me "Bad Girl"!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am sorry, PuzzledHeart, and my prayers go out for your mom and dad.
My husband and I both had cancer, for the past two years we have been in and out of treatments and surgeries...and we are both doing well today (thank you God). Treatments today are so much better than they were even 5 years ago.
I don't know your parents situation, but I know they are blessed to have you to care about them. It would be nice of your sister would help too but sadly, it is what it is and that may not happen.
Hugs to you, and prayers for all of you.
My husband and I both had cancer, for the past two years we have been in and out of treatments and surgeries...and we are both doing well today (thank you God). Treatments today are so much better than they were even 5 years ago.
I don't know your parents situation, but I know they are blessed to have you to care about them. It would be nice of your sister would help too but sadly, it is what it is and that may not happen.
Hugs to you, and prayers for all of you.
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