Bug is rocking sobriety with 77 days alcohol free! But...
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
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Bug is rocking sobriety with 77 days alcohol free! But...
There is always a but, right? I do have 77 days alcohol free and I am celebrating that with some cookies and milk.
But I did something stupid today. I took my daughter to the doctor for an ADHD med check. We got her prescription and took it to Walgreens. We waited patiently for it. Then we got it, I was holding a controlled substance in my hand. The feelings of excitement and elation came back, consumed me, and then I took 4 of the pills in the parking lot. I rationalized that it was OK because the doctor said she doesn't have to take them on the weekends. So 8 pills won't be used. I convinced myself as I swallowed the pills that it was no big deal. Yeah right.
So I sit here in an amphetamine high from pills I took from my 7 year old daughter and I am both consumed with shame and regret, but also strength and confidence. I took the pills, I can't change that. What I can do is use this as a learning tool. I will prepare myself to make sure I never pick up the prescription anymore. My husband can do it and then put it in the safe.
I am also confident that I won't do this again. It was a stupid, impulsive mistake that is done and over. I am not using this experience to fall back into the pits of addiction. I am not using this as a reason to find more drugs. I won't let one mistake topple the mountain I am building. Moving on, learned my lesson, confessed to my sister, then on my blog, and now here.
You can fall off the wagon but you can also grab the reins and swing right back up. That is what I am doing. I will be back in the driver's seat soon enough.
But I did something stupid today. I took my daughter to the doctor for an ADHD med check. We got her prescription and took it to Walgreens. We waited patiently for it. Then we got it, I was holding a controlled substance in my hand. The feelings of excitement and elation came back, consumed me, and then I took 4 of the pills in the parking lot. I rationalized that it was OK because the doctor said she doesn't have to take them on the weekends. So 8 pills won't be used. I convinced myself as I swallowed the pills that it was no big deal. Yeah right.
So I sit here in an amphetamine high from pills I took from my 7 year old daughter and I am both consumed with shame and regret, but also strength and confidence. I took the pills, I can't change that. What I can do is use this as a learning tool. I will prepare myself to make sure I never pick up the prescription anymore. My husband can do it and then put it in the safe.
I am also confident that I won't do this again. It was a stupid, impulsive mistake that is done and over. I am not using this experience to fall back into the pits of addiction. I am not using this as a reason to find more drugs. I won't let one mistake topple the mountain I am building. Moving on, learned my lesson, confessed to my sister, then on my blog, and now here.
You can fall off the wagon but you can also grab the reins and swing right back up. That is what I am doing. I will be back in the driver's seat soon enough.
Not sure what to say LB...glad you recognize the issue, but I hope you can look seriously at a plan that will help you deal with tempation better in the future. I also thing having your husband handle your daughters meds would be a smart ideal. You put her in danger driving home high....you need to find a better way to deal with this.
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
Not sure what to say LB...glad you recognize the issue, but I hope you can look seriously at a plan that will help you deal with tempation better in the future. I also thing having your husband handle your daughters meds would be a smart ideal. You put her in danger driving home high....you need to find a better way to deal with this.
My recovery program is missing the tool to deal with impulsive actions. I am using tools from different programs, but I am mostly using Smart Recovery. I need to study it more. I need to learn how to control myself.
I have to learn to be around substances without giving in. I have to give her the pill - I need to learn that it is not mine. I did it with alcohol. I can be around my husband when he drinks. I can buy him beer. I can keep it in my fridge. I don't give in to temptation to drink. Now I have to be around pills and not give in.
I am strong enough, I won't make this mistake again.
Do you have a professional you can work with on this Bug? Sometimes we are not strong enough to keep from making these mistakes, it is our impulsive addictions.
If the temptation even rises again, I'd come clean in real life and be very honest about it and have someone else handle the medication.
I have a lot of medications I take everyday. There are measures that can and should be put in place if you find yourself falling prey to temptation. I am very honest about what I am doing with my meds and I am monitored by my pharmacy.
I would use RIGOROUS HONESTY with yourself and with your husband regarding this. It's nothing to be ashamed of going forward- taking ownership by handling the responsibility to someone else to keep yourself safe is a GOOD call and is taking the reins and being strong.
Please think carefully about the difference between how you posted your resolution to this incident and the words posted here. I understand the good intention in your post. But part of the plan for future safety would be to come clean and be honest because we all know how well resolutions made in an and kept solely in an addict's brain turn out in the long run.
Please Bug, take care of you. And your family. Absolutely no judgment from me. You are doing well. But I always think we need to be honest with ourselves and call things for what they are.
And great job of 77 days of sobriety!
If the temptation even rises again, I'd come clean in real life and be very honest about it and have someone else handle the medication.
I have a lot of medications I take everyday. There are measures that can and should be put in place if you find yourself falling prey to temptation. I am very honest about what I am doing with my meds and I am monitored by my pharmacy.
I would use RIGOROUS HONESTY with yourself and with your husband regarding this. It's nothing to be ashamed of going forward- taking ownership by handling the responsibility to someone else to keep yourself safe is a GOOD call and is taking the reins and being strong.
Please think carefully about the difference between how you posted your resolution to this incident and the words posted here. I understand the good intention in your post. But part of the plan for future safety would be to come clean and be honest because we all know how well resolutions made in an and kept solely in an addict's brain turn out in the long run.
Please Bug, take care of you. And your family. Absolutely no judgment from me. You are doing well. But I always think we need to be honest with ourselves and call things for what they are.
And great job of 77 days of sobriety!
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Oh I am being completely honest about what I did. I have told my husband that he needs to handle the meds. My daughter is not the only one with ADHD. I take meds for it. They are kept in a safe and are doled out to me as prescribed. I am not strong enough in my recovery to handle meds. I rely on my husband.
Today I realized that I cannot fill her prescription. He has to do it, just like he has to fill mine. I long for the day that I could do it. It is coming, I just have to work my program.
I have decided to go back to my therapist. I wasn't willing to pay cash for sessions after my insurance changed. But now I realize I need therapy, so I am going to work it in my budget.
Today I realized that I cannot fill her prescription. He has to do it, just like he has to fill mine. I long for the day that I could do it. It is coming, I just have to work my program.
I have decided to go back to my therapist. I wasn't willing to pay cash for sessions after my insurance changed. But now I realize I need therapy, so I am going to work it in my budget.
Good for you Bug You are light years ahead of me then.
I am still reaching pretty deep to get to my self-honesty.
I'm glad you are going back to your therapist. I know how crucial my counselling is to me. I think you are pretty self-aware.
I am still reaching pretty deep to get to my self-honesty.
I'm glad you are going back to your therapist. I know how crucial my counselling is to me. I think you are pretty self-aware.
Bug you have learned one good lesson -- keep a close eye on yourself. It's been working for me for a while now, I only trust myself to a certain point. I don't test myself because, I've been known to deceive myself.
M-Bob
M-Bob
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
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Now the mistake I made today will not be forgotten. I have to deal with it. I have to understand the reason why. I have to find out why I failed and figure out the ways to deal with the temptations that come my way. Therapy is going to help.
Thanks Dee.
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I love your replies M-Bob. You slip some wisdom in each one. I don't trust myself at all. And I deceive myself with excuses and rarionalizations. I tried to rationalize today's mistake by telling myself lies. I am disgusted, but I have learned my lesson. Now I will keep an eye on myself. Because I can slip at any time.
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I have to go back to therapy. I am desperate to talk through itall.
Thanks Deli
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I am going to make this day the best that I can. Have a plan and work that plan. I am on top of that!
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Do you have a professional you can work with on this Bug? Sometimes we are not strong enough to keep from making these mistakes, it is our impulsive addictions.
If the temptation even rises again, I'd come clean in real life and be very honest about it and have someone else handle the medication.
(me, too) There are measures that can and should be put in place if you find yourself falling prey to temptation. I am very honest about what I am doing with my meds and I am monitored by my pharmacy.
I would use RIGOROUS HONESTY with yourself and with your husband regarding this. It's nothing to be ashamed of going forward- taking ownership by handling the responsibility to someone else to keep yourself safe is a GOOD call and is taking the reins and being strong.
Please think carefully about the difference between how you posted your resolution to this incident and the words posted here. I understand the good intention in your post. But part of the plan for future safety would be to come clean and be honest because we all know how well resolutions made in an and kept solely in an addict's brain turn out in the long run.
Please Bug, take care of you. And your family. Absolutely no judgment from me. You are doing well. But I always think we need to be honest with ourselves and call things for what they are.
And great job of 77 days of sobriety!
If the temptation even rises again, I'd come clean in real life and be very honest about it and have someone else handle the medication.
(me, too) There are measures that can and should be put in place if you find yourself falling prey to temptation. I am very honest about what I am doing with my meds and I am monitored by my pharmacy.
I would use RIGOROUS HONESTY with yourself and with your husband regarding this. It's nothing to be ashamed of going forward- taking ownership by handling the responsibility to someone else to keep yourself safe is a GOOD call and is taking the reins and being strong.
Please think carefully about the difference between how you posted your resolution to this incident and the words posted here. I understand the good intention in your post. But part of the plan for future safety would be to come clean and be honest because we all know how well resolutions made in an and kept solely in an addict's brain turn out in the long run.
Please Bug, take care of you. And your family. Absolutely no judgment from me. You are doing well. But I always think we need to be honest with ourselves and call things for what they are.
And great job of 77 days of sobriety!
Part of recovery, IMO, is being substance-free (this could mean anything that replaces our alcohol abuse to cope!) all around, except under the things a dr prescribes to US, whether on the regular or as needed in special circumstances like surgery/pain/such, also done under honest communication and supervision.
I wouldn't necessarily call this a relapse....technically....but it is the edge of a slippery slope that could quickly get you justifying....drinking. That's not what you want at all!
Please take this seriously and address it ASAP in the honest way already suggested. You can do it.
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Part of recovery, IMO, is being substance-free (this could mean anything that replaces our alcohol abuse to cope!) all around, except under the things a dr prescribes to US, whether on the regular or as needed in special circumstances like surgery/pain/such, also done under honest communication and supervision.
Please take this seriously and address it ASAP in the honest way already suggested. You can do it.
NA would say that it is a mind-altering drug and by taking it I am not clean. Even though I take it as prescribed. And I am prescribed it. Then because of that I would be asked not to share.
To be honest with you, the only thing I care about is me not drinking and not taking benzos. People can call me clean, they can say I am not clean, they can call me sober or not, they can say I am not in real recovery. It doesn't matter to me. I just never want to be drunk or stoned off benzos ever again.
Thank you for urging me to take it seriously. I am taking it very seriously. I could have blown this off and never tell anyone about it. But I didn't. And I am working on my plan to devise better strategies for dealing with impulsive behavior.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I am glad to be back here posting. I have had a tough week or two because I am finalizing the code for the software application I wrote and we are going to be rolling it out to users very soon. It has been a very hectic week and I couldn't get any personal time to come by. This would have been the perfect time to pick up a drink to calm me down. But I haven't. And I won't.
Happy that you didn't extend your decision to get high. I'm also curious as how it came to be that you were in a position to be holding drugs that, as it seems, have been to this point locked up and dispensed by your husband; drugs with which you already knew you have a problem. And what you were thinking leading up to actually taking the drugs.
Given the little information you've offered around the circumstances that brought you to having the drugs in your sole possession, your relapse, or whatever you choose to describe it as, seems much more like a plan than an accident.
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