It's way past time to do this.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 47
It's way past time to do this.....
Hi folks. I'm a newbie to this site. But not a newbie to problem drinking and not a newbie to trying to get it under control, or trying to quit.
My problem has always been beer. Not a big spirits drinker and only really have wine if it is served as part of a meal. But beer....watch out !! I got to the point where I could not keep beer in my house because if it was there, I'd drink it. So I thought I would be smart and I would only buy what I was going to drink that night so that it wouldn't be in the fridge the next day. That was me fooling myself into thinking that was better. I would stop almost each night on my way home from work and buy a 6 pack of pint cans. I go to work early in the morning so I get home from work in the early afternoon. In a 2 hour period, 4 of those pints would be gone and I'd be opening the 5th pint a about dinner time. Sometimes I would drink the 6th pint after dinner, and sometimes not. Then I would stop for the evening and slowly come down from the high I was feeling and by the time it was time for bed, I had crashed. I felt like crap and was very grouchy at those in the house with me. The next morning I would get up feeling guilty for drinking that much and very down on myself for feeling the need to do that. If that 6th pint was still in the fridge, I would dump it down the drain before I left for work. I would swear to myself that I would not drink again that night, but on my way home from work, I found myself pulling into the liquor store parking lot to get another 6 pack of pints. On the way home from work I would just have this intense craving for the taste, the relaxation and the high from slamming 4 pints of beer on an empty stomach as soon as I got home from work. And the cycle just kept going, and going, and going. On the weekends, I would drink even more. Especially while watching sporting events with friends.
If I were out with buddies or at my friend's house (another heavy beer drinker), I would drink way too much....like 8 or 9 cans of beer, and then drive home. How stupid is that. It's just gotten to the point where I've lost control of it. It now controls me. When I get off work each day, I just have this intense craving that only beer will quench. I used to think "hey...it's only beer. It's not like it's hard liquor. So I can't be an alcoholic." But that is far from the truth.
I know from reading other's posts that each person is different in the type of alcohol they used, and the amount of alcohol they drank each day. But a common thread seems to be that whatever the drink, whatever the amount, it had reached the point where they had lost control over it like I have lost control over my beer consumption.
I've been sober for 5 days. Each of those days has been a struggle for me (except for day 1....I was hungover on day 1 and it wasn't much of an effort to stay away). Each afternoon when the work day ends, that intense craving creeps up on me and I start making deals with myself that if I stop and buy some, I will only drink 1 of them. Or only 2 of them. But I know that is a lie. So I push through it, take a different route on my way home that doesn't go past the liquor store, go into the house, and try to find something else to do to occupy myself during the time I used to be pounding beers. It's been very hard and I hope it gets easier.
I'm a bit scared because I drank beer while I would relax on the patio. I would drink beer when I played my guitar. I would drink beer when I watched sports. And I would always drink beer when I was spending time with my best friend who drinks more and more often than I do. And now I don't know how to enjoy myself out on the porch. I don't know how to enjoy playing the guitar. And I'm not sure I will be able to spend time with my best friend because our times together have ALWAYS involved beer....and a lot of it. So I'm scared of what life will be like without a pint can in my hand and a beer buzz.
I used to always think that I wasn't an alcoholic because it was just beer, and I knew people that drank way more than I do. But that isn't true. The alcohol and the need for it has been controlling me for a long time. When it has control, and I don't, that's an alcohol problem.
I'm going to approach this one day at a time. With the goal being just getting through that day without any beer, and worry about the next day tomorrow. Because when I think of a life without alcohol, I panic. Tomorrow will be day 6. I will pray that morning that I will not just stay sober on day 6, but that alcohol won't pass through my lips.
Thank you for listening (reading). I just wanted to tell my story. I'm too embarrassed to tell my story to people I see every day. So this forum is a great outlet. Thank you all for being there and for sharing your stories and struggles.
PEACE BE WITH YOU !!!
My problem has always been beer. Not a big spirits drinker and only really have wine if it is served as part of a meal. But beer....watch out !! I got to the point where I could not keep beer in my house because if it was there, I'd drink it. So I thought I would be smart and I would only buy what I was going to drink that night so that it wouldn't be in the fridge the next day. That was me fooling myself into thinking that was better. I would stop almost each night on my way home from work and buy a 6 pack of pint cans. I go to work early in the morning so I get home from work in the early afternoon. In a 2 hour period, 4 of those pints would be gone and I'd be opening the 5th pint a about dinner time. Sometimes I would drink the 6th pint after dinner, and sometimes not. Then I would stop for the evening and slowly come down from the high I was feeling and by the time it was time for bed, I had crashed. I felt like crap and was very grouchy at those in the house with me. The next morning I would get up feeling guilty for drinking that much and very down on myself for feeling the need to do that. If that 6th pint was still in the fridge, I would dump it down the drain before I left for work. I would swear to myself that I would not drink again that night, but on my way home from work, I found myself pulling into the liquor store parking lot to get another 6 pack of pints. On the way home from work I would just have this intense craving for the taste, the relaxation and the high from slamming 4 pints of beer on an empty stomach as soon as I got home from work. And the cycle just kept going, and going, and going. On the weekends, I would drink even more. Especially while watching sporting events with friends.
If I were out with buddies or at my friend's house (another heavy beer drinker), I would drink way too much....like 8 or 9 cans of beer, and then drive home. How stupid is that. It's just gotten to the point where I've lost control of it. It now controls me. When I get off work each day, I just have this intense craving that only beer will quench. I used to think "hey...it's only beer. It's not like it's hard liquor. So I can't be an alcoholic." But that is far from the truth.
I know from reading other's posts that each person is different in the type of alcohol they used, and the amount of alcohol they drank each day. But a common thread seems to be that whatever the drink, whatever the amount, it had reached the point where they had lost control over it like I have lost control over my beer consumption.
I've been sober for 5 days. Each of those days has been a struggle for me (except for day 1....I was hungover on day 1 and it wasn't much of an effort to stay away). Each afternoon when the work day ends, that intense craving creeps up on me and I start making deals with myself that if I stop and buy some, I will only drink 1 of them. Or only 2 of them. But I know that is a lie. So I push through it, take a different route on my way home that doesn't go past the liquor store, go into the house, and try to find something else to do to occupy myself during the time I used to be pounding beers. It's been very hard and I hope it gets easier.
I'm a bit scared because I drank beer while I would relax on the patio. I would drink beer when I played my guitar. I would drink beer when I watched sports. And I would always drink beer when I was spending time with my best friend who drinks more and more often than I do. And now I don't know how to enjoy myself out on the porch. I don't know how to enjoy playing the guitar. And I'm not sure I will be able to spend time with my best friend because our times together have ALWAYS involved beer....and a lot of it. So I'm scared of what life will be like without a pint can in my hand and a beer buzz.
I used to always think that I wasn't an alcoholic because it was just beer, and I knew people that drank way more than I do. But that isn't true. The alcohol and the need for it has been controlling me for a long time. When it has control, and I don't, that's an alcohol problem.
I'm going to approach this one day at a time. With the goal being just getting through that day without any beer, and worry about the next day tomorrow. Because when I think of a life without alcohol, I panic. Tomorrow will be day 6. I will pray that morning that I will not just stay sober on day 6, but that alcohol won't pass through my lips.
Thank you for listening (reading). I just wanted to tell my story. I'm too embarrassed to tell my story to people I see every day. So this forum is a great outlet. Thank you all for being there and for sharing your stories and struggles.
PEACE BE WITH YOU !!!
to SR!Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
You're off to a good start Rob. I had a very very similar routine to yours and the last hour or so of work always brought thoughts of the six pack I'd pick up on the way home every day. For some time I would take large protein drinks to keep at work and drink them in the last half hour or so of work. It really helped cut the intense craving enough to get home. I also changed my route home.
You can do this Rob!.....and welcome to SR.
You can do this Rob!.....and welcome to SR.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Good for you for coming here, and welcome!
My drinking started out later in my 20s EXACTLY the way yours did. After about 6 years, my tolerance went up, I graduated to vodka and beer, and mixed vodka coolers. And then it was straight vodka. I'd get the withdrawal shakes after a couple hours without a drink. Round the clock.
BUT. When I started. Just like you... 6 pack on weeknights, sometimes not a whole 6. And more on the weekend. Drank with my best friend all the time who drank more than me.
I know it's hard right now, but if you can power through this early sobriety you are saving yourself a crapload of pain, suffering, money, and happiness than those of us who have blindly carried on to the spin cycle of drinking round the clock to keep the withdrawals away.
Get a plan http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html and see what you can find for some real time face to face peer support because most of us can't do this alone.
You're in the right place. Glad to see you here
Boy I wish I'd had the sense to stop like you when I was there instead of trying to drown myself in vodka. Stay close, you can do it!
My drinking started out later in my 20s EXACTLY the way yours did. After about 6 years, my tolerance went up, I graduated to vodka and beer, and mixed vodka coolers. And then it was straight vodka. I'd get the withdrawal shakes after a couple hours without a drink. Round the clock.
BUT. When I started. Just like you... 6 pack on weeknights, sometimes not a whole 6. And more on the weekend. Drank with my best friend all the time who drank more than me.
I know it's hard right now, but if you can power through this early sobriety you are saving yourself a crapload of pain, suffering, money, and happiness than those of us who have blindly carried on to the spin cycle of drinking round the clock to keep the withdrawals away.
Get a plan http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html and see what you can find for some real time face to face peer support because most of us can't do this alone.
You're in the right place. Glad to see you here
Boy I wish I'd had the sense to stop like you when I was there instead of trying to drown myself in vodka. Stay close, you can do it!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 315
Welcome, Rob. Two things that have helped me through my first eight days sober are keeping my belly full (not stuffed, just pleasantly full), and re-kindling some old hobbies.
I, too, would intentionally drink on an empty stomach, because I knew it would get me a quicker buzz. Staying full has helped to curb my cravings immensely.
That's really cool that you play guitar. I wish I had musical talent. I'm not too shabby with the kazoo and tambourine, I guess. Do you have other hobbies that you've perhaps neglected over the years? If so, pick them up again. I've kept myself so busy in the past week plus that I haven't had time to drink, and by the time evening rolls around, I'm exhausted and just want to read a little on SR and go to bed.
We're on your side! Stick around, read a lot, and post when you feel like it. You can do this!
I, too, would intentionally drink on an empty stomach, because I knew it would get me a quicker buzz. Staying full has helped to curb my cravings immensely.
That's really cool that you play guitar. I wish I had musical talent. I'm not too shabby with the kazoo and tambourine, I guess. Do you have other hobbies that you've perhaps neglected over the years? If so, pick them up again. I've kept myself so busy in the past week plus that I haven't had time to drink, and by the time evening rolls around, I'm exhausted and just want to read a little on SR and go to bed.
We're on your side! Stick around, read a lot, and post when you feel like it. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Hey Rob! Welcome to SR. I can definitely get with what you're saying about the habits and routines we have associated with alcohol. It was hard initially but itss getting easier for sure! Tonight I cooked out on the grill and I used to ALWAYS have my wine while I was cooking out there, guess what? It was just fine....I actually did just fine and the burgers didnt get burned lol!
Its just a relearning and putting different habits and of course that all takes time. You can do this!
Its just a relearning and putting different habits and of course that all takes time. You can do this!
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Welcome Rob. I was a beer drinker too and played the same games with myself. I'll limit the number I drink. But then I'd buy the highest ABV I could. Amazing how we find ways to rationalize drinking. But you can put an end to it. Stick around and keep reading and posting. This site has been a God send for me.
If you get cravings every night on the way home from work mix things up. Do something different than you normally would.
If you get cravings every night on the way home from work mix things up. Do something different than you normally would.
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
I am sitting on my patio right now. I have a glass of soda and I am reading posts on SR. I used to sit here and drink. Now I don't. I can finally come out here, it was hard for me to sit here and not drink. I avoided the patio for a long time because it reminded me of drinking. I stopped drinking in April, had a relapse in June and spent July in rehab. I came home and never came out here. It was too hard to sit and enjoy my patio and garden with no wine. But I started coming out. I did it slowly. Now I am sitting out here with no need for a drink and a am enjoying my evening.
Time. It takes time. You will get out on your patio soon and you can enjoy it without beer. 5 days is great. Take it one day at a time.
Time. It takes time. You will get out on your patio soon and you can enjoy it without beer. 5 days is great. Take it one day at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 47
Thanks to all for the encouraging words. And thank you Lightning Bug for sharing you "patio" experience. It's helpful to hear that I am not the only one.
I struggled through day 5 and am now starting day 6. One day at a time. Thanks for the support !!
I struggled through day 5 and am now starting day 6. One day at a time. Thanks for the support !!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Chester
Posts: 34
I'm on day 8 and learning a lot here. Reading your post Rob and it rings so similar to my own experience and that of many others on here I guess..... Promises in the morning never to drink again, fighting the urges in the afternoon, succumbing on the way home and stopping for wine ( my choice of poison), drinking as quickly as possibly on an empty stomach to get the maximum high, crashing before bed. Seems a common theme, I guess we are all similar in that way. It's nice to see others admit they have a problem, its helped me realise that I too am an Alcoholic.
Keep it going and well done so far. Thanks for the post.
Keep it going and well done so far. Thanks for the post.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Welcome Rob- good job so far! What is your recovery plan? Now sounds like a great time for support, and perhaps trying AA. Whether it becomes your program or not, you need one to support you and teach you how to move into and stay in a life of recovery.
Hope to see you around!
Hope to see you around!
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