Newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: NH
Posts: 5
Newbie
Hi Everyone,
I'm a 38 year old high functioning addict. Alcohol is my biggest issue but addiction is genetic in my family so it affects other areas of my life as well. I also dabble with some other stuff but not extremely often and mostly things that will help me continue on benders. I started mindfulness behavioral therapy about 5 years ago which is when I began my inward journey and realized my addictive tendencies and started to build other avenues to deal with my stress and anxiety. I've since started running, meditating and doing yoga. I still drink about 3-5 times per week and can consume up to 20 drinks in an evening as I have a high tolerance. I'm stuck in a bit of a groundhog day where as soon as I'm over the hangover and a few days from my last bender I think I can have a drink or two and end up going over the deep end and going through the whole process again. I feel guilt, shame and pain the next day and then start it all over again.
I'm due to be married around this time next year and want to kick this habit or at least get it under control. I'd do anything to see what it's like to quit for 30 days. I haven't gone that long in about 15 years. I'm also a CEO of a very successful company and it does have a negative impact on my ability to be as effective of a leader that I know I can be and also gets in the way of my philanthropic efforts. Anyways, that's my story. I'm hoping I can speak with some of you and help get me through a nice break from drinking so I can see what life is like on the other side and finally establish a bit of an equilibrium.
I'm a 38 year old high functioning addict. Alcohol is my biggest issue but addiction is genetic in my family so it affects other areas of my life as well. I also dabble with some other stuff but not extremely often and mostly things that will help me continue on benders. I started mindfulness behavioral therapy about 5 years ago which is when I began my inward journey and realized my addictive tendencies and started to build other avenues to deal with my stress and anxiety. I've since started running, meditating and doing yoga. I still drink about 3-5 times per week and can consume up to 20 drinks in an evening as I have a high tolerance. I'm stuck in a bit of a groundhog day where as soon as I'm over the hangover and a few days from my last bender I think I can have a drink or two and end up going over the deep end and going through the whole process again. I feel guilt, shame and pain the next day and then start it all over again.
I'm due to be married around this time next year and want to kick this habit or at least get it under control. I'd do anything to see what it's like to quit for 30 days. I haven't gone that long in about 15 years. I'm also a CEO of a very successful company and it does have a negative impact on my ability to be as effective of a leader that I know I can be and also gets in the way of my philanthropic efforts. Anyways, that's my story. I'm hoping I can speak with some of you and help get me through a nice break from drinking so I can see what life is like on the other side and finally establish a bit of an equilibrium.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
One of the first bits of wisdom I got from coming here was this statement, regarding the controlling of my drinking:
If you have to control it, it's already out of control.
Normal drinkers don't have to control their drinking, don't have moderation plans. I vote for option 1: Kick the habit.
Originally Posted by Alloyedsuitor 
I'm due to be married around this time next year and want to kick this habit or at least get it under control.
If you have to control it, it's already out of control.
Normal drinkers don't have to control their drinking, don't have moderation plans. I vote for option 1: Kick the habit.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Alloyedsuitor!! 
That round and round in circles is very familiar, but the problem was that continuing to do the same thing and expecting different results never worked for me, at some point I had to get off the drinking merry-go-round for good.
I wasting many a year going round in circles, but when I finally pushed alcohol out of my life I was able to write a new chapter to my life, a happier, more positive chapter, one that had a lot more potential going for it!!
That round and round in circles is very familiar, but the problem was that continuing to do the same thing and expecting different results never worked for me, at some point I had to get off the drinking merry-go-round for good.
I wasting many a year going round in circles, but when I finally pushed alcohol out of my life I was able to write a new chapter to my life, a happier, more positive chapter, one that had a lot more potential going for it!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I think you'd be surprised at how much better (and probably enjoyable) your job would become in sobriety. I also believe your effectiveness as a leader would improve. At the end of the day, drinking is a lot of work. Wish you the best.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Botswana
Posts: 384
Hello and welcome,
You are a CEO. So if someone came to you with a plan to do something with a guaranteed positive outcome ( in your case moderate drinking to 'normal' levels - or stop for a month), but then admits they have failed to ever achieve it in the previous 15 years. How long would you give them to finish the pitch ?
Sorry, but the truth - sadly - for people like us is that we are incapable of moderating our drinking.
This was the shocking advice I received in my first post here, and then saw re-iterated hundreds of times by others here - so I thought I'd share it with you.
It is a hard truth to swallow at first - and I found stopping drinking a long grieving process at first - but slowly and surely, day by day, each hangover free morning seems a little brighter.
After all that tough love, I also want to say well done for finding SR and posting here. You can do this.
Best wishes
Fradley
You are a CEO. So if someone came to you with a plan to do something with a guaranteed positive outcome ( in your case moderate drinking to 'normal' levels - or stop for a month), but then admits they have failed to ever achieve it in the previous 15 years. How long would you give them to finish the pitch ?
Sorry, but the truth - sadly - for people like us is that we are incapable of moderating our drinking.
This was the shocking advice I received in my first post here, and then saw re-iterated hundreds of times by others here - so I thought I'd share it with you.
It is a hard truth to swallow at first - and I found stopping drinking a long grieving process at first - but slowly and surely, day by day, each hangover free morning seems a little brighter.
After all that tough love, I also want to say well done for finding SR and posting here. You can do this.
Best wishes
Fradley
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome Alloyed - it's so good to have you with us.
I wanted more than anything to get it under control. It was not to be. Every time it was in my system, unexpected & dangerous things happened. I knew this in my 20's but refused to believe I couldn't rise above it and have 'a few' now and then. As a result, my life fell apart & I ended up completely dependent on it. I'm glad you're here to talk it over with people who understand.
I wanted more than anything to get it under control. It was not to be. Every time it was in my system, unexpected & dangerous things happened. I knew this in my 20's but refused to believe I couldn't rise above it and have 'a few' now and then. As a result, my life fell apart & I ended up completely dependent on it. I'm glad you're here to talk it over with people who understand.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Hi and Welcome Alloy,
At 38, I had just retired from the military. I decided it was time to "party like a rock star."
Unlike me, you are in a great position, because at 38 you want to quit.
The problem, as I see it, is you have little physical or mental motivation to quit. e.g. horrid anxiety, spacey feelings, balance issues, high blood pressure etc.
Without those motivators...I would have never quit at 51. It took me 13 years of moderate to heavy drinking to cause enough physical and mental damage to motivate me past 30 days clean.
That 30 days clean, now that I am educated, is where the anxiety really starts to ramp up. The lack of dopamine production in our brain, from the booze, causes us to feel depressed etc. As addicts, we rationalize that we have been good for 30 days, we can drink again for a while.
What we are really doing though is re-pickling our brain. The booze replaces the dopamine. We think we are having our cake and eating it to, because we were clean for a while. Really we are relapsing.
This type of drinking eventually causes enough brain damage that people notice. Words slurring, eyes red, face flushed, skin rashy etc.
Until you decide to embrace sobriety, you will be stuck in the cycle of binge drinking.
The depression folk feel from not drinking is sometimes treated with rx drugs. This is a whole other issue. Folks end up taking the drugs and drinking....or stop taking the drugs and end up even more messed up...some get suicidal.
The lack of dopamine does eventually return, at least for me. Part of my recovery has been heavy SR. Helping people, like I am trying to do right now, makes us feel good. Dopamine.
Also, joining a group..e.g. AA, YMCA Bridge Club, a Golf Group etc...helps with the feeling of belonging. I joined a Jiu Jitsu Team.
What ever works.
Thanks for the post.
At 38, I had just retired from the military. I decided it was time to "party like a rock star."
Unlike me, you are in a great position, because at 38 you want to quit.
The problem, as I see it, is you have little physical or mental motivation to quit. e.g. horrid anxiety, spacey feelings, balance issues, high blood pressure etc.
Without those motivators...I would have never quit at 51. It took me 13 years of moderate to heavy drinking to cause enough physical and mental damage to motivate me past 30 days clean.
That 30 days clean, now that I am educated, is where the anxiety really starts to ramp up. The lack of dopamine production in our brain, from the booze, causes us to feel depressed etc. As addicts, we rationalize that we have been good for 30 days, we can drink again for a while.
What we are really doing though is re-pickling our brain. The booze replaces the dopamine. We think we are having our cake and eating it to, because we were clean for a while. Really we are relapsing.
This type of drinking eventually causes enough brain damage that people notice. Words slurring, eyes red, face flushed, skin rashy etc.
Until you decide to embrace sobriety, you will be stuck in the cycle of binge drinking.
The depression folk feel from not drinking is sometimes treated with rx drugs. This is a whole other issue. Folks end up taking the drugs and drinking....or stop taking the drugs and end up even more messed up...some get suicidal.
The lack of dopamine does eventually return, at least for me. Part of my recovery has been heavy SR. Helping people, like I am trying to do right now, makes us feel good. Dopamine.
Also, joining a group..e.g. AA, YMCA Bridge Club, a Golf Group etc...helps with the feeling of belonging. I joined a Jiu Jitsu Team.
What ever works.
Thanks for the post.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Alloyedsuitor
Anyways, that's my story. I'm hoping I can speak with some of you and help get me through a nice break from drinking so I can see what life is like on the other side and finally establish a bit of an equilibrium.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: NH
Posts: 5
You guys are awesome. Thank you so much for your kind words. I've been to some AA meetings but they were both discouraging. People had these stories of hitting rock bottom, hurting family and friends, putting other people's lives in jeopardy, etc... My story is not like that. I'm only hurting myself emotionally when I drink in the long-term so i've justified continuing to drink with that. Also the fact that i realized that it's not just alcohol but everything that else that I'm addicted to that somehow proves to me that it's not the booze, it's me. I've justified it so many different ways and now i just want to find a way out of this pattern. It's gotten worse in the past few years as my mom passed 2 years ago and she battled cancer for about 2 years before that so it's been a rough 4 years. I'm still and likely will always be grieving this loss and alcohol has helped numb the pain at times. Anyways, i just wanted to be completely candid with everyone in hopes that i can link up with some folks that have gone through something similar and get some help to the other side. 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,133
Originally Posted by Alloyedsuitor
It's gotten worse in the past few years as my mom passed 2 years ago and she battled cancer for about 2 years before that so it's been a rough 4 years.
Secondly, I'm sorry about the loss of your mother. Dealing with the illness and her death must have been devastating.
With that said, the fact is it would likely have gotten worse anyway. Our problem -- yours, mine, everyone's here -- is almost invariably progressive. So even if you found your drinking and drug abuse manageable or livable then or now, it is likely to get worse unless you do something to stop it. Please take that very, very seriously while you're still young, while you still have so much to lose.
It's really hard and often takes a long time to choose to quit. But you have come to the right place to get more information and support to help you make that choice. It might seem unimaginable to you now, but if you stick around, you'll meet a lot of people who made the nightmare/dream of getting sober come true and are far happier, healthier, more successful, and more free as a result.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 315
Welcome to SR, Alloyedsuitor! I'm a few years older than you. At 38, I was also a "high-functioning" alcoholic. I could take a few days off from drinking here and there and not have any ill side effects. Fast forward a few years. I decided I'd had enough and stopped abruptly. That's when the stuff hit the fan. I had become physically addicted. I have no idea when it happened, as it was all in a progressive continuum.
Don't be like me. Get out while the getting is still good. Your body and mind will thank you. Believe me, the anxiety, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, numbness and tingling in your hands and feet, and all the other physical and mental issues associated with physical alcohol dependence just aren't worth it.
You've joined a wonderful, supportive site. Read up, ask questions, and nip this in the bud while you're still ahead.
Don't be like me. Get out while the getting is still good. Your body and mind will thank you. Believe me, the anxiety, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, numbness and tingling in your hands and feet, and all the other physical and mental issues associated with physical alcohol dependence just aren't worth it.
You've joined a wonderful, supportive site. Read up, ask questions, and nip this in the bud while you're still ahead.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Hi, Alloyed. I am typing from the itty bitty phone screen, so more later, but I wanted to let you know I got sober around age 35, and after my mom died, as well. I wasn't handling that loss well at all. I had to get sober to grieve properly. Also, I took the chance to get sober for good after all that craziness, and glad I did. She would be pleased to know her own death helped motivate her child to get sober.
I am sure you have made a good choice and smart move in coming here to get help.
I am sure you have made a good choice and smart move in coming here to get help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Western US
Posts: 1,765
Welcome Alloyed. You've come to a great place. I highly recommend reading around the forums to get insight from the wide range of individuals here from those who are just starting the process of recovery (like myself) and those that have been at it a long time to arm yourself with knowledge and perspective. You may like me find a lot of similarities to yourself.
Eye opening to me for sure. I am living proof that the disease is progressive and after reading around here I can look back at my life and see how it was all unfolding into disaster. Glad I found this place when I did.
Eye opening to me for sure. I am living proof that the disease is progressive and after reading around here I can look back at my life and see how it was all unfolding into disaster. Glad I found this place when I did.
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